30 Years Of Bullying – Are They Vulnerable Too?

Note – This is from a personal perspective

When It Started?

From around 5 years old in 1991 onwards I was subjected to torrents of psychological, verbal and occupational physical abuse.

My developmental trajectory was very different then, I was meaning deaf, meaning blind, object blind, context blind and body disconnected to such a degree the interpretive world was something to observe as I was in the world of sensing – movement, patterns, themes, emotional dexterity without the foundational infrastructure of functional language – I indeed felt but on the outside may have been a different story.

It started in my neighborhood with  comments, laughter, heckling – kicking footballs at me, using their age size and stature to intimidate, berate, dehumanise me. It was easy.

This was early to later infancy, from them two significant episodes happened – I was locked in a makeshift cage in 1994 with a friend made out of chicken wire, they jumped on us near a local farm where I lived and we screamed for hours.

Life Threatening Events

My life was threatened twice I was at a style near my home it was made of wood with brambles that lead into a farmers field – this tall mass grabbed me with nails in his knuckles pointed at my face – his blackened pupils is all I could a the threat to my life was made.

The second incident happened yards away from my home an older teenager has taken a liking to punching me repeatedly, he produced a knife from his pocket and told me he would “cut my head off and shit down my throat”, a former friend ran to my home realising the severity of the situation.

I was regularly targeted throughout primary and secondary school – this was from 1991 to 2002, this was again a mixture of verbal attacks, isolation, physical abuse, gaslighting and  psychological manipulation.

Sexual Abuse – Derailment Of Sexuality

I have had counseling for the sexual abuse I suffered at secondary school this would have been at the age of 15.

This incident would have been in 2001, interesting I could remember what happened around the attack itself, it was a thursday and that it was raining. This gravely impacted my sexual development, identity and idea of what gender was for many years afterwards.

Employment Woes

From 2002 onwards I was in employment at a local supermarket- similar patterns of behaviors from others as the above however it was from older teenagers and adults, which included people in authority so I actively had to told that the actions, words and behaviors were wrong by outside sources.

Mental Health & Suicide Attempt

In 2007 I attempted suicide a letter was left to my parents, the cuts on my arms through months of self harm were a deeply ironic external love letter to my sense of self loathing and wanting to not exist.

I went through volunteering jobs from 2009 onwards and had steady employment from 2010 onwards – I documented the challenges I had at this autism organisation in previous posts which included – gaslighting, actively lying and withholding financial information, spying and constructive dismissal.

I went through mental services from 2007 onwards after a brief job at a care home in 2008 in-between. I had multiple diagnosis’ borderline personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, psychosis and auditory hallucinations.

The conclusion was “asperger traits with a complex personality” by the the then lead mental health physiatrist.

Formal Diagnosis & Recognition Of Challenges

In 2010 I was diagnosed with autism (a recognition of my late functional speech, early development and information processing challenges) and obsessive compulsive disorder and in 2012 I was diagnosed with visual perceptual disorders, learning difficulties and scotopic sensitivity syndrome.

So, are these people vulnerable? Should I forgive them for their past behaviors, actions and attitudes?

I do forgive them because these people have (possible) domestic, social, developmental and mental health challenges that I was unaware of, so this could indeed make them vulnerable in many respects.

However, this doesn’t mean that the same people should not be held accountable for their actions. If you fling “your stuff” at people you can both empathise and challenge them.

I hold myself to the same standards my words and actions have a firm foundation – if error is made I shall take accountability for it as I expect the same from others.

Conclusion

I do not see myself as a victim these hardships are my own, they have tempered my reality but not defined me, my personhood or the whole of myself.

Maybe the act of moving on is a level of acceptance of the multiple situations that one has been in and the level of growth from understanding that all people may have stories but decide to become the author.

Paul Isaacs 2026

Shovels, Clay & Ponds

Note – This is my personal perspective

Today I was at Lindengate Charity, and was presented with an interesting task – it was to put soft clay mud into what will be the lining of a rather large pond.

Mono-Tracking One’s Senses

I have spoken about being mono-tracked before, visual perception is fragmented due to simultagnosia (the tinted lenses help with visual tracking, distortions and to some degree context) and they open up my language processing abilities.

My bodily perception is tracking in a similar fashion, I can perceive the shovel via touch, my foot by pressure and my hands by grasping the handle, then my lower back due to pressure and movement as the clay goes into the bucket.

These experiences are separate and do not flow in a sequence each sense has its own reality, this is due to visual spatial agnosia and body disconnectivity.

With each movement of the objects around me I switch from “all self no other” and “all other no self “ this extends to the people around me too – this means that I lose track of the objects, people and faces in a great array of colour, movement and contrast.

I am to a degree context blind as well as object and meaning blind – the shovel is in my reality when I touch it, along with the  bucket and weight of the clay.

So, when I remove myself from these tactile  associations I “lose” the objects.and their relevance.

Faceblindness means people become interchangeable unless I recognise their voices and patterns of movement, so “losing people” is a common occurrence for me even in a small space.

This means that the staff and employees were people in my vicinity until I made the necessary connections and associations.

Colourful Language

Meaning deafness means that I may not pickup full sentences or the significance of what you want me to do, so  using telegraphic language, gesture and objects of reference can aid (I personally prefer to actually do).

Conclusion

Overall, it was a nice relaxed balancing act of advocating these challenges, being mindful of other people’s  realities and putting people at ease with their own ways of connecting and communicating.

I enjoyed this challenge and the eager offering of new experiences with new people regardless of the difficulties it presents, I savor the feeling of being a part of a process.

Paul Isaacs 2026

Challenging The Autism “Identity” Narrative

Note – This is from a personal perspective

I am glad someone is saying this – It’s frustrating when people claim it’s an identity. I hope time will change this.

Autism has DISabilities and disABILITIES highly specific and individual to each  person.

Representation?

Narratives are important but whom do these advocates stand for? Surely there is room for multiple, layered and intricate representations?

I strive for balance, listening and objectivism and a  grounded foundation that one (including myself) cannot speak for all.

Conclusion

I have learnt so much from other people on the spectrum because their “autisms” have been so different.

We as human beings have to be empathic enough to listen to other realities other than our own.

Paul Isaacs 2026

Accountability Is For Everyone

My Grandparents & Father

Reflective Thoughts

My Father said to me this year – People who are ill should be able to take accountability for their actions.

What Is Wisdom?

This notion stunned me a man who has chronic lymphocytic leukemia, graft vs. host disease, P53 gene deletion related to chromosome 17, adrenal disease, systemic respiratory damage due to having multiple bouts of pneumonia, diaphragmatic palsy and shingles that caused viral meningitis and lives with chronic pain – who has almost died more times than I can count came to me with this sage and reflective wisdom.

He still has a growth mindset in which he sees himself personally responsible for his actions, conduct, behavior towards himself and others.

Connected Realties

Regardless of his poor health, he doesn’t want superficial adornment nor any false praise for how he handles his situation.Being properly listened to and appropriately cared for will suffice.

Challenging The Narrative Of Empathy

It made me think is he right? Am I lacking something in terms of understanding? The answer slowly became yes. It was a rebellion and a revelation in emotional dexterity that I am forever grateful.

Then through further explanation the reasoning was that people’s conduct/behavior and personhood can still be up for being challenged regardless.

My Father came from a domestically abusive household, he was socially, emotionally and was physically neglected from infancy onwards, with no opportunities for healthy boundaries – there was however no accountability for his parents actions, no remorse nor self-reflection. He made a choice after I was born to work on himself and understand his childhood but not identify with his caregivers, the enviroment they created and thus repeat the pattern onto me.

My Father learned Living with narcissistic parents one who was borderline and the other who was potentially schizoid that he needed to make the change for himself and for mine and my Mother’s domestic, social-emotional and financial wellbeing.

Accountability is a strength not a weakness, it offers far more answers than it leaves questions. If we could just leave are egos at the door, I think the potential for healthy acknowledgment and resolve are at least given a stronger foundation.

Empathy for someone’s situation can co-exist with holding court someone’s actions, attitudes and the way they conduct themselves around people. co-dependency isn’t love, enmeshment isn’t true connection. It’s imperative we see these as two separate entities that are together.

Accepting When You Need To Move On

If you need to disconnect from someone then it is fine to do so, you can wish them well, wish them love, stability and care.

This put my mind at ease because difficult decisions will come our way in life and we must look very carefully at how others treat us (as people). Know when you need to leave.

Conclusion

I think of my late Grandparents, their time on earth what they taught me through life’s examples.

We ultimately cherish people for they know who we really are, not a facsimile of what we pretend to be or what has been created by others.

Paul Isaacs 2025

Clambering Onto Victimhood? Or Coming To Terms With The Now?

Note – This is from a personal perspective

Identity Beyond Tropes

Just because I was diagnosed with autism, it doesn’t mean I need to to adhere to identity politics, (“autism” is not my identity I am a human being first), needlessly follow the trends of autism community (that is forever changing), that I don’t inherently feel sorry for myself, make victimhood as a part of identity & have strived to to have and live a socially binding life.

Past, Accountability & Empathy

If I was to wallow in the echoes of the past, project onto individuals who weren’t even there, then that would be my failure to realise other people have lives too – and a harsh truth  life is challenging and it’s one’s ability to not only acknowledge this but accept it.

We aren’t put on this earth to be universally understood, if we are to make one friend first let’s start with ourselves – you are living in a flesh cage let’s at the very least make it habitalble.

Accountability and empathy are two sides of the same coin, If you want validation of your own misgivings don’t fling shit onto other people and expect a cream cake in response. One can listen and be there but not be a doormat as one can seek support but not be smothered and have their autonomy taken away.

Objective Reasoning Of My Own Life ?

I have documented my challenges from a social environmental standpoint and from an “AUT-istic”standpoint and yes the challenges that come from my own information processing issues & personal misunderstandings.

Conclusion

However, note how I internalised those challenges, made sense of those challenges and come to the simple conclusion – we are all human, one’s life is short and we must not seek to see the past as a caged prison nor the future as an empty hopeless void – see strength not in living (as an artificial construction) but the act of living and being. Experience it’s beauty not as an observer but from within.

It’s not about who is the most popular it’s about who is willing to be real, objective, pragmatic and that their words matches their actions.

Healthy Autistic Identity by Donna Williams  

You are a person, not a disability
You are a person, not a label
You are a person, not a project,
You are a person, not an investment
You are a person, not an archetype
An apple is not a broken orange
Build real self worth, not self inflation
Don’t over invest in one size fits all ‘normality’

Navigating friendship & relationships by Donna Williams

● Don’t hide your disabilities (especially from yourself)
● ‘Mistakes’ are essential
● Value humility
● Know condition from self & know to advocate
● Ask for help

Boundaries by Donna Williams

● Don’t over do being ‘a pleaser’
● Don’t play the victim
● Advocate but don’t play on your disabilities
● Don’t carry other people’s baggage
● Expect and insist on respect, dignity, equality
● Be willing to walk away
● Be willing to ‘cut your losses’
● Speak up, speak out
● Do the ‘math’

Paul Isaacs 2025

Autism – The Challenges of Being Mono-tracked & Not “Getting” The Shared Sense Of Social

“I learned to act as though I had a sense of ‘us’ and ‘we’ even if my systems integration problems made it very difficult to consistently process internal ‘self’ and external ‘other’ at the same time; an experience that is essential to grasping what ‘social’ is, and how to be it and why you might want to be.”

Donna Williams

The Shared Sense Of Social – Developmental Trajectories

Polly expanded on this as the shared sense of social the ability in which non- autistic children as young as 5 years old start to use and interact with people in a multi-systemic way.

To various degrees people on the autism spectrum struggle with the shared sense of social for some it will be lifelong, for others it’s expression may change.

This inability to shift between awareness of self and other – leading to individuals potentially in state (to varying degrees) be mono-tracked.

Personal Experiences – Trying To Make Connections

My personal experience of this as an infant was firstly living in the system of sensing far longer because of developmental derailment and altered trajectory.

If I was 80 percent meaning blind, object blind and meaning blind that rendered my visual perception void in which not much Interpretive meaning was filtered through, faceblindness an extension of this.

Imagine seeing things in bits, fragmented, distorted and independent of each other with no sense of depth, clarity or confirmation of “what”.

Then I was about 80 percent meaning deaf this meant that people’s language was distorted phonics that were as scrambled as my visual systems, secondary to residual oral apraxia my “language” wasn’t functional – so the TV and videos along with other sounds, echolalia, echopraxia and echomimia was not only extended but a small lexicon bridge in which I was attempting to express myself.

I was disconnected from my body as a physical vessel that I moved around in, pain for many years was also redundant – so getting meaningful feedback from both the internal and external was extremely challenging for me. This meant that putting on clothes and many aspects of personal care were either “forgotten” or executed in a fashion that caused more harm.

Retaining The System Of Sensing

The trade off to these challenges was living in the system of sensing – these alterations in sensory perception and language processing meant my nervous system was still in a “baby” state for far longer.

So, what was it like to “live” there? Merging with objects was happening on an almost daily basis it could be colours, textures, certain lights but most notable was my fascination was flowing water, smearing shaving foam and bubble bath up the tiles etc.

The merging with people, their complex energies and frequencies bypassed many of the multi-layered social perceptual challenges I had (because they didn’t come from the right hemisphere neglect & left hemisphere brain dominance but from the occipital lobes) this meant I was emotionally attuned to people but didn’t always know where to put their “stuff”.

So logic and literalism weren’t running the show, however this didn’t mean I was lacking in intelligence at least in the traditional expression of whatever that means. You can see why self and other weren’t on the table either as it wasn’t until 27 that I got my first experience of it.

How Tinted Lenses Aid My Information Processing & Social Tracking

This was aided by the use of tinted lenses in which my visual perceptual system was now more coherent, comprehensive and filters more succinctly, freeing up my language processing to be able to have the “shared sense of social” for much longer.

Paul Isaacs 2025

Autism, Suicide, Suicidal Ideation & Owning Your Past – A Personal Perspective

Yesterday I spoke for A2ndvoice CIC about autism, mental health and experiences of suicide and suicidal ideation.

Trigger Warning ⚠️

Three Decades of Abuse – The Community, Education & Employment

I have calculated that it has been over 30 years of bullying in my lifetime which is included within the community from teenagers and adults, mostly this was verbal retorts, swearing, manipulative, gaslighting and physical harm pushing and punching.

Notable incidents included being locked in a makeshift cage for over two hours with a friend (this was made of chicken wire), alienation within the community from adults, verbal attacks on my family and intimidation with a make-shift weapon of nails being thrusted in my face, being threatened with a knife to words of “I will cut your head off and shit down your throat”.

In the final year of primary education I was bullied by a teacher that was notable in its persistence and brevity. I was referred to CAMHS in 1996 for group therapy with other children my age learning social skills and acts of assertive communication through acts  role play. I had infantile depression.

In the first two weeks of secondary education I was bullied this included verbal retorts, swearing, manipulation, gaslighting and inappropriate behaviour by both my science and physical education teacher – letting my peer group know I was “always crying in reception”.

The physical education teacher gave me a nickname, a bastardisation of my surname “Izo”, something that I didn’t ask for and became a short hand for the rest of my tenure at school. Very rarely was I referred to as “Paul”, my voice was often mocked people would often echo it back in a slow, slurred and monotone drone.

Ironically there was an autism base on both campuses of the secondary school in ay I befriended and connected with many of the students there.

Sexual Abuse & PTSD

In 2021 through to 2023 I had therapy for PTSD because I was sexually abused at secondary school (sodomised), I have glimpses of the event but because of visual agnosias, internal mentalising challenges and faceblindness the perpetrator’s identity is not in my mind,  however the act and events are.

Being born premature meant delays in sexual maturity and development this act furthermore derailed this by confusing my sexuality and gender for many years to come, along with the guilt of having a sexuality, sexual arousal and masturbation.

I feared men, their proximity, their touch and conversation regardless of how noble, genuine or transparent the individuals intent was.

My First Employment Experiences, Mental Health Diagnosis’ & Beyond
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My first place of employment was from 2002 to 2007 in which similar bullying patterns started to play out initially it was with younger members of staff (one individual one made a habit of ignoring me, supervisors would regularly make me load the trollies noting I had coordination challenges) but then as I was more established by older members of staff, this included much of the same in my tenure in education. I was told by an ex employee that people thought I was “strange, weird and retarded.”

In 2007 I attempted suicide through hanging in my bedroom, prior to this I was self harming at work and later at home cutting my forearms and later my hairline, I left a note which was an apology to my parents that I couldn’t carry on, something clicked and after the attempt I slept with the light on that evening.

Through the adult mental health team I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, psychosis and auditory hallucinations, along with a misdiagnosis of “asperger traits with a complex personality”.

Autism Diagnosis, Visual Perception Diagnosis & Learning Difficulties

I was diagnosed with autism in 2010 and visual perceptual disorders, scotopic sensitivity syndrome, dyslexia and dyscalculia in 2012.

Forgiveness & Accountability

I have come to a point in my life where I hold no bitterness to the often acidic actions put upon me, I empathise that the individuals in question may have had developmental and or mental health challenges that meant projection and poor choices were made.

This isn’t advocating their acts as something which is right, however it does objectively give some sort of foundational context to what could have been its relative underpinnings.

I wish these individuals well in their future ventures (many of the ex students are married and have children), the notion of true  forgiveness came for me  because I realised that I am accountable for my behaviour & actions just as anybody else is, surely a healthy model of how to navigate the world would suggest that one should promote accountability &  autonomy as opposed to enmeshment or co-dependency?

These acts do not give me the right to intentionally hurt others, manipulate others or use my past as a non – accountability clause, it disrespects one’s past experiences and it means no one can be honest or authentic with me.

My Father’s Sage Views on Accountability & Empathy

My Father had an insightful observations on being accountable, noting that he has chronic lymphocytic leukemia and has almost died more times than I can count that even people with chronic or life limiting illnesses can be accountable, my natural knee jerk reaction was that it  would be too uncaring or lacking in empathy.

He corrected staying that one’s behaviour and actions need to be noted and if one is going to be treated as a person you can both acknowledge their situation and be objective, that isn’t an intrinsic lack of care or empathy but quite the opposite.

Taking responsibility for my actions after the fact (and having support doing so) with a true lifeline.

What is it to Be Human?

People may wonder why I am neither proud nor ashamed of being “autistic”? This may answer your question if you have been treated less than human for the length I had, labels however well meaning become redundant, identities become passe because the one thing I value is being seen as a human first.

If I told a flower what type of flower it is, however informative, it would still have to carry on “being” a flower regardless.

Paul Isaacs 2025

The Notion of Friendship

This week my parents have been talking to me about not only the notion of friendship but what it means to be a friend.

I myself reflect on a lot of areas in my life from childhood development, autobiographical accounts, information processing, personality types and its various sensitives – this can be from an informal perspective or from a professional one.

Information Processing, Mental Health & Accountability

I am pragmatic about people being honest with me and transparent and if they can take my expression of EA (Exposure Anxiety) as not a flaw in my personality or personhood that can dictate how I respond/or don’t.

I can take accountability for genuine mistakes within reason as I see failure as a “normal” human experience that quantifies an objective amount of self-reflection as the need for change can be pointed out by others as much as personal exploration.

I understand if my information processing challenges can be seen as difficulties that others quite rightfully not want a part of or my residual mood, compulsive and anxiety disorders can tire and be perceived as annoyances. I do not feel a need to be or act entitled – because many aspects of my life are my responsibility, I do not sit back in a victim mentality nor I feel the need exaggerate my accomplishments or flaws more than what in reality actually is.

Needing Help With ” Interpretive” World, Personality Sensitives & Beyond

Observationally It has come to parents attention that I am at times emotionally used for lengthy periods, I always  message/contact people first and being the initiator, people only ask about me or my personal life unless prompted and are eager to tell me about their own with little or no interest in mine.

This to me is an observational revelation on many different levels because I just go “through” the motions. I think about “other” a lot however is that healthy mode to always be in? All the time?

What could be going on here? I fit the self-sacrificing personality type in which I give without much if any expectations from the latter, being solitary & idiosyncratic means that although it takes time for people to get to know me to get that sense of deep connection which  means I will be thinking about you when you aren’t physically in each others presence (what you are doing today? How are you coping? If there are any challenges in your current life? How is work?).

I don’t think these traits are in essence “bad” but it is the extremes of situations that amplify them.

Being “nice” is not an act or a performative box ticking exercise for me nor is an arbitrary task which must be fulfilled for the connection to remain, but still my parents persisted in making me reflect that those very attributes have been abused in some form or another.

Realities Are Important Including My Own?

They pointed out that given my personal situation with my Father’s cancer (chronic lymphocytic leukemia) being back or my Mother’s struggling with recovering from a life threatening blood clot – are  people aware about your emotional reality and the stresses these come with it? They had to point out to me last year that people came to the friendship group to see me (that again was a revelation).

Accountability Is Broad & Authentic Connection

Notwithstanding that accountability can be made with such challenges as my Father pointed out that he is still eligible for that regardless. This of course includes myself in that concept  He also pointed out this isn’t an intrinsic lack of empathy or care.

We as human beings have different ideas of friendship –  trust, boundaries and authenticity nurture this and are no doubt a good foundation to start from.

What I got from this conversation is that genuine connection despite its challenge will persist if that  “real connection” has been made regardless of length of time knowing each other, the length of conversations, shared interests and levels of mutual respect.

Coming Through The Loveless Fog – My Father’s Early Upbringing

I would also like to expand on points about my Father’s upbringing – he came in an emotionally void environment.

His Mother was both physically and emotionally absent despite being his primary caregiver, she didn’t have the tools to nurture him on an emotionally intimate level.

She would bring men to her flat and have sex in front of him when he was an infant, he would be alone for long periods of time with only the clattering of footsteps and a small TV to keep him company (they lived in London, in one of the three tier houses which they resided on the bottom floor).

He was a victim of pedophilia (two adult women) when he was but a toddler, his Mother was notorious for drinking parties often with fair weathered friends she wasn’t looking out for him, for he wasn’t a priority.

Both his parents showed an absence of care with even the fundamental basics of parenting with his Father leaving his life for good in 1990 his final words to my Father were “I never loved you anyway.”

His Mother never took accountability even up until her passing in 1998 of Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, he stayed with her, comforting her despite serious unresolved issues.
The main issue is that he was never shown love in a selfish and cold family home.


My Father I am deeply proud of more than words can express, he came through a completely loveless childhood, worked on his mental health challenges, his reactive attachment disorder, his PTSD and addictions to not only find love but share it with his wife and child.
He chose to not identify or be moulded by his shortcomings but work upon them.

Paul Isaacs 2025

Autistic “Masking” & “Camouflage” – A Three Dimensional Approach

Note this is from a personal and professional perspective

Looking At The Roots

Joining the dots can be a difficult task in which we must look beyond ourselves to see what has  created something that has been within the autism community for sometime, this is my take on what could be going on.

Attachment Disorders Could Present As “Masking”

• Avoidant – Struggles being with others, emotional withdrawal and seeks independence.
• Anxious – Struggles with being alone, needs validation and seeks dependant from their partner/friend.
• Disorganised – Mixture of the two

Personality Types/Disordered Extremes & How That Could Present As “Masking“

• Solitary/Schizoid – Could present as masking because being asocial, not needing to open up and/be or have many intimate relationships/friendships.
• Paranoid/Vigilant – Could present as masking because of being highly suspicious and/wary of people and their motivations.
• Mercurial/Borderline – Could present as masking because of poor identity and thus struggles to connect with a firm sense of “self”.
• Sensitive/Avoidant – Could present as masking because of persistent feelings of being “on show”, embarrassment & people – pleasing.
• Devoted/Dependant – Could present as masking because their identity is through other people and may persistently fear independence.

Information Processing Challenges That Could Present As “Masking”

• Apraxia – Could present as masking because of the disconnection of bodily control.

• Alexithymia – Could present as masking because of the inability to make emotional connections in real-time.
• Language Processing Challenges – Could present as masking because varying degrees of having functional speech/word finding/sentence construction that connects with a individuals inner motivations.
• Sensory Perceptual Challenges – Could present as masking because of sensory bombardment ranging from being manic/euphoria distractions (the system of sensing in which one merges with objects in environment), to emotional dysregulated responses that can causes trauma.
• Inability To Do “Self & Other” – Could present as masking because the person is mono-tracked and cannot readily switch in conversations.

Mental Health Conditions & Other Aspects To Consider As “Masking“

One could also look at conditions like exposure anxiety in which the person can’t do as self, be certain character or go into litanies when feeling exposed, dissociative disorders in which the person is detached from “core self”, anxiety disorders that are so acute in presentation that they take over many aspects of a person’s life.

Conclusion

It is clear to me there needs to be more specific explanations of what it means for someone to mask, how it presents at what are it’s origin points for the individuals in question.

Paul Isaacs 2025

What Is It To Be 39?

(Note this was on the 7th May)

Tender hearts tread on the meandering rumblings of time that has passed amongst the soul scape and basked upon its beauty and ugliness with my adorned eyestalks.

I am 39 this morning, it is the day of joyous uped promises, of saddened times in which people of significance are memories in my mind.

I have learned that for every wrinkle and hair that is smattered from copper to grey that to be thankful of the sanctuary of my remoteness, little built bridges of connection with people of importance most cherished & loved.

Betterment is futile if smugness makes you ignorant to your own accountability, live with your strengths but don’t be over properly prideful & note your weaknesses but don’t wallow.

Paul Isaacs 2025