Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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Self-Awareness & Balance – How Invisible Foundations Impact On Self

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Failure are friends, mistakes are mountains climbed, errors are conversations of change

I have learnt the more grounded you are the journey to this frame of mindscapes becomes clearer and more opaque. Take ownership of yourself, your life, your autonomy.

Before people tell you who you are, think of who you are and assume you are, make sure you have a healthy foundation of self-awareness.

It helped me over the years deal and manage other people’s projection. A lot of people who project have low self confidence, self-esteem for a multitude of differing reasons, personality disorders, anxiety, mood, attachment and/or dissociative disorders.

Poor parental and environmental underpinnings can then cause a fracture sense of core beliefs which then in turn cause a dissonance between actual (perceived) and real self, not many know who they are and project what they think they should be. The  gnarled backbone of unhappiness.

So in many ways I feel empathy for people whom are angry at the world and at its perceived and very real misgivings.

However boundaries have to be out in place listen not always to the words but the patterns in which the words form. I have learnt that distance and cutting off is a very needed and that is fine.

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Doing It Your Way – A Long Road to Autism & Self Care Skills

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Haha love this blog about autism and splinter skills and were one skill set can baffle and be up for contradiction in another.

Bathing, Temperature & No Sense of Time or Body 

It took me until sixteen onwards to understand the concept of bathing as a tool to wash your body in prior to this I would urinate in the bath, smear bubble bath liquid  on the tiles along with shaving foam.

A lot of times bathing the water would be too hot, too deep and would cause me to get light headed. I would sometimes lay in the bath for hours (until the water was cold), get lost dissociate, disconnect and focus on a fixed point and/or using the bath products.

The Art Of Toothbrushing

Tooth brushing I have yet to master, I have bouts of mild gingivitis, and a recent salivary gland infection which has “switched off” my left salivary gland. (I lose the patterns of how to brush my teeth for how long, the amount of pressure etc.) Dentists kindly remind me each time of how to do it.

The Delicacy of Shaving

Shaving my face I find odd too most of the hair density is below my jaw line, as such I am still so disconnected from body (so again losing patterns, strategies, movement and motion.) Leaving me with a blotchy and blood ridden skin at times.

Toilet Trouble 

Toileting is a lot about were my body is in relation to the toilet and pan, knowing the internal reasonings, feelings and sensations that go with it. This is secondary to shy bladder and bowel syndrome.

Mop Maintenance 

Hair brushing is a trial I have long thick curly hair and I have days and moments in which struggle  to obtain and use right brushes and the stratagems to untangle.

Learning, Context & Conclusion 

Context and meaning blindness, the inability to visually mentalise, visual perception, motion perception and body agnosias mean I rely on placement, position and associated contexts.

I suppose I did it my way.😉👍

Paul Isaacs 2020


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White Privilege Is A Fact Not A Fiction

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Definition Of White Privilege

Accepting white privilege is not enough, acknowledging it is not enough, saying racism happens with indifference and apathy is not enough.

the fact of people with white skin having advantages in society that other people do not have:
Jane Elliot On Making People Aware Of Racism 
Apathy, Indifference & Ignorance

Acts of apathy and indifference is compounding the problem can imagine being told your reality was not “real”? Or that your reality was something that “just happened” and was met with almost chronic indifference from a social and systematic perspective?

The British Empire Was Driven By Racist Ideology

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White privilege is happening and it’s warped hierarchy has been happening for well over 400 years, when the British Empire stole land, resettled and uprooted the gears of this machine did start to turn.

It is irresponsible and insufficient to view the separation of family units in the Caribbean through a lens that ignores the massive legacy of slavery – which is how most those families came to live there in the first place – and its relationship with the Commonwealth.

Kemi Alemoru – It’s Time Britain Confronted It’s Racist & Oppresive Past, No Half-Truths Blog 2018

Changing Facts To Fit Narratives? 

It’s seeped into our “British Culture” as “normal”, in education, in employment, in media, in books and in movies etc.

“Before, people had to hide their racism. If you felt something bad about about black people, about Muslims, you had to shut up. Now these people have the confidence to come out in public to say everything. This is scary to me, that scares the shit out of me.”

Stormzy – Musician – The Guardian Article 2019 UK is ‘definitely racist’ an 

It’s time for white people to know what is happening from the other side, not just acknowledge as a point of interest

No person’s reality should traded as insignificant to another’s.

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Autism, Understanding True Love & Mergence Of Actual Self

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Note – This is from a personal perspective

Make Compassionate Comparisons 

What I have learnt today is a great lesson in the fact the brain can only take in a certain amount of information at a time, people have a unfortunate tendency to put a hierarchy on trauma, that one is worse, one is this more and other is less.

The truth is that devalues both parties to being just about the subject of comparisons, emotional detachment and spawning a level of guilt that person’s own trauma reactions is not compatible bases on the notion of “being less” therefore an inappropriate expression or reaction.

I have never believed that one’s life experiences should traded for another’s based on how someone should feel, nor do I agree with a person monopolising an experience to their own ends. It devalues both the experiences and realities of the subjects at hand.

Trauma & Rationality 

I have recently met all my traumas as realities in their own right, the emotional and sexual abuse at school, the emotional and psychological abuse at placements of employment, the death of my Grandparents and the illnesses that have almost killed my parents. They are experiences but not definitions of my overall character.

I take the learned experience of taking autonomy, objectivity and emotionality of all these events, understood them, internalised them as I was always myself and never sought projection as a game worth playing. I would never change a thing in my life as it has tempered my spirit, served valued lessons and kept me humble.

Detached Surface Responses

Superficiality it is like being presented a cake and realising beyond the icing there is nothing more than air underneath. I refused to play the ritualistic notion of “being a victim” as yet again it is a detachment from self not a synthesis of of the latter. False identity is just if not more taxing than not knowing who you are at all. Self respect is needed.

Self love is not selfishness, nor is empathy about other always putting your needs first, then a person must treat into the middle in which care for others and yourself should be of equal beauty.

Autism, Personhood & Identity 

With regards to my autism, I personally have never seen it as all of “me”, it is not omnipresent and nor would it make sense for it to be so. I say this not out of shame but out of balance.

So many other aspects of my life being woven into the interlinking quilt of personhood that makes “Paul” let’s at least see people being defined by more than one word.

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Conspiracy Theorists, Mental Illness & Fear Mongering

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Trauma, Projection & Confirmation Bias

A heartfelt and honest account of someone who turned to conspiracy theories during a traumatic time in her life.I have a lot of respect for this person opening up about the road that lead her to this and the rationale that got her out of it.

Things do not always happen for a reason, things just happen with not logic, build-up or frequency. She has come to the same conclusion albeit through very trying and emotionally difficult circumstances.

“Today, when I look at social media, sure, I see a few people sharing Covid-19 conspiracy theories, but what I see more of is people creating feelings of control and peace in more functional ways: sewing masks, helping neighbors get food, scheduling Zoom happy hours, gardening, and expressing gratitude for health care workers. These actions signal a healthier approach to chaos and trauma — not one anchored in either anger or fear but rooted in presence and gratitude, and echoing a profound tolerance for ambiguity.”

I was a conspiracy theorist, too

Fantasy Projection, Information Induced-Psychosis & Narcissistic Supply  

Do not base the world’s problems on fantasy, Cabals, Paedophilia, Satanism, Illuminati, New World Order are all bullshit bingo and rhetorics. It is human beings which are corrupt because we have opened up avenues to do so.

Human Psychopathy Is The Problem 

Psychopaths are more more likely to operate in self interest rather than for other people. This is the problem with conspiracy theories is they divert attention with warped misinformation. People need to be held account and it’s the politicians and even partly the science and medical advisers who need to watch their tongues when speaking to the public

Stop down playing death rates and contradicting the validity of death rates in other countries, it you that compare them. Make apologises for gross ethical negligence on a national scale. This has happened for one simple reason greed, money over life, profit over people. That is when the system of ego is allowed to run wild. When a psychopath gets put in places of power and influence then they become dangerous.

So what can be done about this? Changing the system, changing the infrastructure of education, healthcare, politics and validation of the empathy and social binding.We need kindly and empathic people in places of power and responsibility not the people we have currently. I am so pleased I do not understand the complex workings of politics it saves me from the bullshit bingo supplied on a daily basis.

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Anna Kennedy System of Sensing & Mental Health Workshops Videos Parts 1 & 2

Overview

I presented video workshops on the system of sensing, coined by the late Donna Williams in the presentations I spoke and covered as follows:

  • What is the system of Sensing?
  • What is the system of Interpretation?
  • What is the system of “Ego”?
  • What is the “Real world vs. Hierarchy?” 
  • How the Nervous System Decodes Sensory Information.
  • What is Mergence?
  • Is it a place we all (human beings) come from?

The System of Sensing & Mental Health Workshop Part 1

 

 

The System of Sensing & Mental Health Workshop Part 2

 

Donna Williams Interview about the System of Sensing Autism and Asperger’s Experiences

NANCY BEKHOR:

The term, NONVERBAL seems to have a different meaning in the following two contexts of autism

1) Highly logical individuals, with so called ‘Asperger Syndrome’, who have difficulty with understanding the ‘non verbal’ aspect of conventional speech. This shows up, for example, as missing the ‘joke’ or sarcasm… basically where words themselves do not convey %100 of meaning intended.

2) On the other hand, the ‘non verbal’ realm, which you speak of in your book, Autism and Sensing, is a mode of information communicated by feeling, intuition, sensation… a place of art, ‘knowing without asking or learning’ (as with savants). Here the more typical individual has difficulty understanding.

Are these 2 different meanings or different degrees of non-verbal?

DONNA WILLIAMS:
They are definitely two different experiences entirely.

There is NONVERBAL LANGUAGE DISORDER (disorder in NONVERBAL language systems such as body language, intonation, facial expression) and being FUNCTIONALLY NON VERBAL. Totally different conditions. Though those who have one can also have the other or have only one of these… same as one can have blond hair and be short or one or the other.

Asperger’s & Social Emotional Agnosia 

Now Social Emotional Agnosia seen in Aspergers is a NONVERBAL LANGUAGE DISORDER and means people can’t naturally perceive any meaning to facial expression, body language, intonation unless overtly taught it. This leads them to compensate through logic, intellect and because they generally don’t easily sense this missing realm they develop high intellect rather than high ability to sense pattern, theme, feel.

Autism Sensory Perceptual Disorders & Language Perception Processing

By contrast those with significant sensory or sensory perceptual deficits are not necessarily impaired in the social-emotional realm so it is more natural for them to expand into that realm as a compensation for sensory or sensory perceptual deficits. This is whether because they are blind, deaf, deaf-blind or the perceptual equivalents of meaning deaf (verbal agnosia), meaning blind (visual agnosia) or both.

In other words human beings can be more or less sensing, but if they ALSO have significant sensory or sensory perceptual deficits AND they have no neurological obstacles to sensing (such as Social Emotional Agnosia) then they will be reasonably more likely to become more highly reliant on sensing pattern, theme, feel through whichever sensory perceptual systems are still intact.

So it HAPPENS that there is no sensory perceptual reason for Aspies to be FUNCTIONALLY NONVERBAL in the sense of being speechless. But those who have significant meaning deafness and meaning blindness may have significant struggles to acquire SEMANTICS to speech and will then lack the PRAGMATICS too. Depending on personality and whether they do or don’t additionally have Oral Dyspraxia, Speech Aphasia or Selective Mutism, those with significant meaning deafness/meaning blindness will often be echolalic. Many who have speech and communication disorders (including echolalia) will then be more subject to secondary Selective Mutism. So it HAPPENS that those most likely to become highly sensing as a COMPENSATORY ADAPTATION for significant sensory perceptual disorders will also be those most likely to be functionally non-verbal.

Saying that, SOME will develop fluent type-speaking and some have progressed to functional speech and still remain highly sensing.

Donna Williams 2010

Paul Isaacs 2020


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The Problem With David Icke, Conspiracy Theorists & The Perception of COVID-19

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Collective Anxiety & Conspiracy Theorists 

In times of great unrest do not believe the mass neurosis of conspiracy theorists that is being projected by David Icke and people who are following his “new age awakenings”

They are pointing fingers into smoke and mirrors, producing further fear and illogical reasoning for worldly matters. I believe this could have a massive negative impact to people with pre-existing mental health conditions. We are dealing with a serious virus and I feel this is a dangerous distraction to the seriousness of the situation.

Corruption Doesn’t Mean Conspiracy 

What we do know is governments are corrupt simply because they can be, we live a top down society because money sadly is more meaningful than life.

There is no grand “New World Order” just human beings wallowing in ethos of greed.

Conclusion and Rationality 

Remember these people are using this current uncertain situation as ballast to project their “theories” as “truth”. The truth is corruption grows when people go unchallenged.

Hope is in being rational.

There is none of these things

  • No Illuminati Rule
  • No Satanic Rule
  • No Freemanson Rule
  • No New World Order
  • No Reptilian Hybrids

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Do Things Out Of Connection, Not Forced Obligation

Never do things because you were told they will make you feel eternally happy, do not get married, do not have children, do not pursue a career on that basis.

One must be happy from within first, one must know themselves first, one must do things on the basis of a collective want as opposed to a shoe horned narrative then true connectivity blossoms from the fertile ground of honesty.

That is what makes those pursuits above valid, you do things and likewise don’t do things on connected energy not a disconnected one.

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Autism, Mentalising, Alexithymia & Introspection

Note – This is from a personal perspective

Language Processing, Alexithymia, Visual Perception and Mentalising

As a child I was unable to process language with meaning this meant that the ability marry words with association, then the ability to reason those words into a meta-reality (context and how they “looked”). I was severely face blind, object blind and meaning blind this meant the inability to visual internally my external world meant that I had to use my body to EXTERNALISE to INTERNALISE in other words I mapped out my world through placement, smell, texture, movement and taste.

Body Disconnection, Exposure Anxiety and Dissociation

I was unable to map out my own body, its parts, their placement in association with me or the outside world so I had a level of body agnosias which meant my body with FRAGMENTED as well as my vision and internalisation of receptive language. My conscious mind was seemingly blank as I subconsciously took in the information around me in but was unable to consciously piece it together despite the fact is was near hiding in plain site, akin to playing smoke and mirrors but with my own self.

Exposure anxiety rendered me powerless when confronted with “self” the awareness of my own self existence was too powerful for me to handle. So I disassociated, created characters (each assigned duties, personality types, communication styles) to handle the task of being exposed, mutism, echolalic litanies (once functional speech was acquired).

However I seemed to retain the ability to have introspection, the system of sensing still means I FEEL first and then have to unpick the interpretation secound.
The Self and Other Paradox

Fast track to know I had an experience in which I got to that level which I have described bearing in mind this had not happened in roughly 23 Years! It was shock was unable to do a shared self and other (which can last up to two hours plus), language was losing meaning, visuals where fragmenting (I made error of taking my tints off) and I was feeling detached coming out with stock phrases and it made me think about how I was then

So with help, kindness and assistance of friends and colleagues I was able to map and piece together my emotional states through three videos.
Loss

This video signifies loss that the emotional roller-coaster of meeting loss head on, the process of emotion, the realisation, the impact it has on you and other around them and the great sense of vulnerability that comes with it.

Light and Hope

This video is more metaphor and symbolical in its reverence with me the smoke that plums as he enters the arena is has a great impact on me as it represents hope through the darkness, as he walks to the ring a single light envelopes him which for me feels that light can be achieved in times of such darkness, the creating of light towards end is hope.

This Detachment of Self and Other

The final video to me represents my sometimes lack of ability to get a shared sense of “self and other” and “shared social” in which my conscious thoughts are not married up straight away with other and vise versa, when I LOSE the ability to keep the process becomes mechanical, artificial the automata represents this aspect and also ALL SELF and Casanova represents ALL OTHER .

Paul Isaacs 2020