Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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A Journey With Exposure Anxiety

Exposure Anxiety comes in 3 levels:

  • Specific: Targets only specific environments, activities and interaction with particular individuals.
  • Generalized and other-directed: Effects all areas of life which directly involves others.
  • Generalized and both self and other directed: Effects all areas of life which directly involves others but is also present when alone.

Copyright Donna Williams 1991, 2003, 2008

Image result for exposure anxiety

 

Residual “Exposure Anxiety?

If we think about exposure in a residual (non syndromic sense) those moments of embarrassment, aware of being aware, aware of your own self-awareness of the situation meant that you froze clamed up or even ran away meant that this “feeling” you wanted to escape, remove, and disappear.

 A Personal Look at Exposure Anxiety And Me

If you turned the “volume-up” on this condition you may find that it fits in the realms of being called “Exposure Anxiety” a feeling on a chronic level that falls into the three subtypes above. I would say that in my early years I had the 3rd one throughout my child and teenage hood as I grew into my twenties and was at the tail end of being employment in my mid teens I was thrust into a world of expectation from a social perspective that in many ways never let up. I never the less “kept going” and now at the age of thirty two I can say that the claws of this condition have shortened, nails smoothed and hands made smaller.

I would say it has an impact on me in specific areas so that is going from 80% to now at a more comfortable 30% and below I can show more of “myself”, be, share and talk in a more “connected manner” than I did even 10 years ago. Other things have changed to my environment, my purpose, life is but a rolling journey and that is the joy we can all celebrate and question at different stages in our lifetime.

My information processing being meaning deaf and meaning blind have changed, the tints have aided in those areas of visual perceptual challenges, and my meaning deafness is around 30% so I can keep a better track on conversation around me. My emotional processing and perception are still delayed that is a work in progress and I seek not to compare but to be the closest version of “me” I can be.

When we look at other people’s autism “fruit salads”, we begin to wonder what is the “driver” to what I am seeing? Is it sensory perceptual? Is it dietary disabilities? Is it seizure related? Is it emotional perception? Is it language processing? Etc. By looking at the person’s “systems” you are dealing into those areas of honest and humble questioning, what will you find and how will you adapt?

Common Threads Of Humanity?

Do people with autism have much more in common with those without? My answer is yes they do the only difference is the areas of that person’s “autism” that is challenging some to smaller more residual degrees others to more severe and/or profound degrees it is not the matter of it being a linear spectrum from “classic” autism to “asperger’s syndrome” but the also the palette of grey and what is specific to that person is what matters. All human beings have “system” it may be just that I have taken the time (which anybody could choose to do in my circumstance) and work out “what that is”.

Looking At People As People?

If one ignores the poison of the autism militancy which is political and unhelpful in its projection and reasoning one must look at the person and what “autism” is for them and means for them.

Paul Isaacs 2018

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Not All People With Autism Are Logical Or Literal In Thought Or Presentation

20160730_102005 (2)Note This is from a personal perspective 

What Autism IS and ISN’T

Looking at the broaden the aspects of presentation in autism it is about understanding what autism is and just as importantly what it isn’t.

It isn’t is a generic stacking of black and white linear symptoms that present in every person in the same way, what it is is a stacking of conditions that are specific and personal to the individual.

The Hidden Strands Of Information

I can of course be logical that is natural human variant of thought and has nothing to do with autism (and also various personality types will overlap with overall presentation), however  I struggle with intense over a analytical  logical decoding of a situation as it is happening that leaves many things up in the air for me.

Such as emotional perception, (not knowing my bodies own reactions to the the incoming information) receptive and expressive language (word formation, extraction, relevance, understanding), lack of visual association (no pictures for words), information processing delays (incoming information not being “sorted” quickly enough to be “understood”).

Taking Things To Heart? 

As a child more prominently and now as adult the residual issues are still there such as not seeing the significance of what is being said this is before the literal. 

That means I am less likely to take things on a personal level even if I am being spoken too in a personal way.

I was asked what I thought the main different feature was between Autism and Asperger’s. I think you’ll maybe find in reading through the site on brain hemisphere specialisation that there are many Aspies who may be better at left brain stuff and many Auties who may be more right brain but not nearly recognised for the abilities they do have as much as they are recognised for the left-brain abilities they don’t have.

© Donna Williams

Introspection & External Mentalisation

I use my senses and introspection to “decode” things and sort them out from there, I don’t have pictures in my head sorting things out I have to do the reverse I have to get everything out FIRST by doing, gesture, tone, inference, movement and then go from there.

I struggle to mentalise plans so I just “do” this means that on a unconscious level I sort things out with no conscious thought at the time. When I wrote my first book I just typed and typed and typed with the basic premise being it is a book about my life.

However I am sure there are people in the world who are not on the autism spectrum who can relate this. I have of course  “non-autistic” moments of clarity for me just as there will be “autistic” moments for people off the spectrum.

Paul Isaacs 2016