Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


Leave a comment

Not Proud Nor Ashamed – Balanced About Being On The Autism Spectrum

Premature 1I Was Born A Human Being

I was born in 1986 and as far as I know I was born a human being just like the 7 billion other people on the this earth and of course I had my issues related to autism not being able to speak, not seeing the world as a coherent whole, faceblindness, receptive and expressive language disorders, oral apraxia, hemiplegia and list goes on. These thing are not “me” being face-blind isn’t me, being aphasic isn’t me and  being hemiplegic isn’t me either.

Autism A Describing Word

“Autism” is describing not defining for some people autism is a culture a place to be in and around a shared culture, however I do not believe that autism is a culture but has been created as such and maybe the question is who created culture? What rules apply? What rules don’t? What is “autistic”? What isn’t “autistic”?

I often wonder I feel however so more closer to being a human being then defining myself by one word which means different things to different people.

When I was formally diagnosed in 2010 with autism I was told by my parents that you are still “Paul” and this diagnosis only changes one thing that you aware of what difficulties you have had.

Autism Is Apart Of? Not The Defining Factor? 

I would agree with them and be understanding my autism and as clustering of differing conditions I was able to piece together my “autism” not as I saw fit but looking at deeply and introspectively enough to understand myself and hopefully empower others.

I know what autism is for me it is apart of not the defining factor I feel indifferent and balanced about what it means. I have done enough research and consultancy work to know that personality types, co-conditions, environmental factors, metabolic disorders, auto-immune disorderslearning types and communication styles,  will have an impact on the presentation of one’s “autism” so what does that mean?

  • Not one intervention works for all
  • Not all the issues are the same despite have a similar and/or same diagnosis
  • Not all people with autism have the same wants, needs, or desires
  • Not all people on the spectrum have the same communication profiles
  • Some people on the autism spectrum have auto-immune and metabolic issues which impact on functioning
  • Some people with autism have dietary disabilities which impact on learning and information processing 
  • Some people on the autism spectrum will have undiagnosed personality disorders and mental health co-conditions that keep being called “the autism” when they are not

I AM autistic but I HAVE immune deficiencies, I HAD cancer (apparently I can’t actually un-have it, its called remission) , I HAVE Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome… I also HAVE visual perceptual disorders, I HAVE language processing disorder, I HAVE mild learning disabilities.

I do not feel I AM these things, they are not ME, they walk alongside of me, often as parts of my autism, and whilst I AM autistic, just as I AM immune deficient, and I AM mildly learning disabled, Autism is not the sum total of who I am, it does not define my entire being or personhood, even if my personality traits are archetypally relatively ‘autistic’, I remain a person WITH autism… someone who HAS autism and, ok, IS autistic. The rest is war mongering militant separatist fascist crudola

– says Groucho
“PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER”.

Polly Samuel 2013

Overall autism is not the defining factor of my me. My personhood that will always shine first not because I am ashamed of my autism nor because I am not proud of it either I remain balanced in what that means it gives me clarity and sanity. I am a human being first.

Paul Isaacs 2017


Leave a comment

When People Have Cancer And Others Are So Selfish

Dad 2012Think About This?  

I like this a lot me Dad gets this all the the time you “look well”, “you seem well”, “you look ok”, “you look healthy” or the best on “you can take a tablet for that?” well when my Dad is

  • In Perssiant pain
  • Fatigue
  • Depression
  • Reacting to drugs on a daily basis
  • Blood infusions (cleaing his blood) on weekly basis
  • Muscles that tighten on a weekly basis
  • Soft tissue that is so damaged that he has scarring on his lungs
  • Graft vs host disease that leaves him in pain and fatigue
  • Nearly dying in hospital on five separate occlusions
  • Leukaemia that effects his auto-immune system and has done for over 6 years

Then maybe just maybe will people think about my Dad ‘s or our family’s reality? Rather than ignoring him on the street or where he lives (yes that has happened on more than once) even if you don’t speak to him. don’t be so selfish, narcissistic and ignorant to think that everything is going to be on your terms and is always about you.

My Dad is a humble, easy-going, socially accepting man and is still a very positive man despite the difficulties listed above. 🙂

What is Sick Supposed To Look Like Anyways? Video Link 

Paul Isaacs 2016


Leave a comment

Think For A Moment? Could Life Be More Balanced?

What is life? But a matter of objective? subjective? Or maybe something more deeper? I wonder is life really meant to be complex? Or is that the way in which people perceive and react to one another that makes it so? Maybe barriers have blinded our minds to make quick thoughts about islands of people we live amongst? People don’t know people but are obliged to talk about them with deep motives, follow your heart not what you see on news or read in the newspaper.

Humans don’t need to be cynical, edged with tyranny. Yes we too profoundly hold dear idols in both statue and human form who confirm and are to do with such things look back in history, look to the now for is woven the future.

Paul Isaacs 2016


Leave a comment

Reflections for the New Year and Life

IMAG0272I hope all have a grateful New Year and are ready to spread their wings into different ventures and pathways, you may have to go down a different path and/or continue down the same one until the cross-roads of life unfold you may have do things that are uncomfortable but necessary you may need to do things that continue to give you joy and stability – burning bridges with the philosophy that isn’t shallow but needed, contextual and logical.

Keeping and valuing good friends and loved ones whom value you as you do them with the veneer less intentions and faces with what you see is what you get none too one-sided or over invested but just balanced – this is hopefully something that is learned to me in the coming year to strive to me more balanced, have good emotional management, to not be a doormat or be used by untrustworthy agendas and shallow people he thing more about you can do for them a less about the person you are, to value real friend and companionship this will not just be for 2016 but something that I can work on in the ages.

Paul Isaacs 2016


2 Comments

Can Over Investing (Directly or Indirectly) In “Autism Identity” Be Damaging?

Me and Dad“AUTISM” & “ASPERGER’S” ARE THEY ALL OF A PERSON? 

In the context of “Autism” or “Asperger’s” it is not “the person” it is the way the person processes information, cognitive, perceptual, language processing, gut and auto-immune issues, learning disabilities, learning difficulties etc – that isn’t “the person” it is how they process information, if someone without autism was hypothetically diagnosed “non-autism syndrome”  (I dislike the word “neurotypical” for the reasons of reverse prejudice and that fact it doesn’t exist not one person fits in a tidy demographic) do you think they would say that is “all of me”, “all of my being”, “all of my soul” maybe not for the personality traits which get lost in the the self (either projected on to the person or the person themselves) through seeing the diagnosis as “all” not “part of” I find this rather sad.

DID A LATE DIAGNOSIS HELP ME GAIN ME SENSE OF “ME”?

As a person diagnosed in my my late twenties maybe indirectly that has helped me see myself living as person not a “label” that to me is far more freeing I am happy go lucky, idiosyncratic, mercurial, solitary, creative, poetic, silly, have a laugh, like nice meals and good company the list goes on I am a “human” and there is great empowerment in reminding ANYBODY (regardless of disability or otherwise) that they are human/person first.

PERSONALITY TYPES 

I have noted some personality types I have regardless of being on the autism spectrum or not all  human beings have differing personality types.

“ONE SIZE FITS ALL” & POPULAR STEREOTYPES 

I also question the use of a “one size fits all demographic” if you think about it that makes no sense at all how can a person with autism be like ever other person with autism? Think the same? Process things same etc. I think it is about looking at the specifics and the mechanics not the stereotypes or generalisations that are about (all people with autism created things that progressed humanity for example). How about socially binding things? The real world with real people in it? How about looking at that instead even if a person on spectrum did create something unique shouldn’t the credit be on the creation not just the that fact that the person has autism? If anybody else had created something wouldn’t you do the same thing?

People get left out, feel more different than they may have initially felt, parents maybe left confused also, its time to strip away the politics and if one is going to be any help all lets focus of the what works. As a point of the reflection the baby in the top right hand corner what do you see? Do you see a baby? a little person/human-being?

Paul Isaacs 2015


Leave a comment

In The End We Are ALL Human Beings & That Is Fine

To stay grounded and not get whipped up be the construct of “other” through “fame” – to be seen as a “being” that is on an equal plane is far more rewarding, beneficial socially, emotional binding empowering. People are after all are people and one is no better nor worse than anybody else be yourself.

Then maybe we would live in more selfless (rather than selfish) society.

Paul Isaacs 2015


1 Comment

Take A Break From “Autie-Land” & Regain Perspective of “You” & “Other”

SDC10045I have had a month off from the “autie-land” and I can say it has helped me very much with with perspective, with mindfulness, with balance and neutrality – the old saying about “I have found myself again” is something to strive for at least in me eyes. Being balanced means you can cope, adapt and manage things better in your life that means in essence you can be a more “functional person” this helps with both positive and negative things that happens in ones life this to me is very important in not only finding oneself but also connecting with others.

I have a strong belief that if one is on the “stage” one is not the centre of but one is “apart of” this that means everyone in principle is on a equal playing field even if at times it doesn’t feel like it (media, magazines, TV shows etc). However lets strive and make it a reality anyway. I have laughed more, procrastinated less, created more (drawings and poetry), walked more, enjoyed the company of good friends and people – I think that is telling me something right there. So if you are around people who are selfish, hollow, fake, lack empathy, are controlling and so forth how many chances do they need?

How many minutes, hours and years does one waste on this? This is something I have learned and lived in just over month when one is is balanced you “see more” as I have said I am person first and if we see people as “people” rather than “objects”, “things” and “labels” then maybe humanity would have a better chance of getting along. Strip the militancy and extremism out of it and have a better chance of ALL people being listened to.

Paul Isaacs 2015