Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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The Lessons I Learned Through Being Bullied

Lessons I have learnt through the years are plundered with and deep with seemingly no end.

Narrowing them down is quite easy as you garner what is the most prominent and impactful.

Being Thankful & Objective

Being thankful starts with my earliest treads and saunter movements through my village at a young age, the trees, the smells, the wildlife and rolling fields. In infancy I was meaning blind, object blind, context blind, pain dead and body disconnected – I experienced the world through my body.

Thanking Their Actions

I was bullied in my neighbourhood in early infancy, I was functionally non-verbal and echolalic, thanking them is necessary they taught me the foundations of misunderstanding, fear and intolerance.

Understanding People’s Motivations

They are also human beings and anger is not a feeling that shrouds me. They have hopefully reflected, moved on and made pastures of meaningful living. I can only wish them well in these ventures.

I didn’t expect them to understand nor would they, because befriending me out of obligation rather than true connection would have been futile.

Projection Of Inner Challenges?

I was kicked, punched, spat at, pushed, and had verbal insults thrown my way as well as being forcefully locked in a makeshift cage for over an hour. Think of the unhappy and saddened minds that would do this? I cannot help reflecting on how much they potentially needed kindly support themselves.

But why be thankful for such events? Because these were my tempered experiences they built.

Foundations and I had to slowly make sense of wishful, seeking alternative realities weren’t an option.

My resilience was unconsciously built through movement, language, and the system of sensing in which the merged frequencies of people, objects, and my external environment.

Conclusion

This included the twinkling of water, the carpet fabric, blades of grass, barks of trees, the smearing of shaving foam and bubble bath liquid on the bathroom tiles, the fragmented stranger in the mirror for over ten years and the observation of fragmented phonic laden beings.

I wouldn’t change these events, nor do I resent through the illusions of solace, I lived a human life and that is fine.

Paul Isaacs 2022


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The Doubled Edge Sword of Autism & The System of Sensing

Note- This is personal perspective of the living in the system of sensing

The System ALL Human Beings Come From?

The “awareness” comes later on in a person’s development in which interpretive, logical, linear and cognitive associative style of making connections comes into place. A baby is a human being that has nervous system which is naked.

That means the filtering and internal cladding that comes later isn’t there or present and thus the ability to sense and merge is present.

How The Relates Contextually to Autism

Although labels create a lot division rightly or wrongly to here are the two basic systems that I have seen in my work over the the years.

  • Asperger’s Syndrome (now since removed) – Social Emotional Agnosia, Logical and Literal mentalising systems with reduced and/or inability to merge and sense due to less information processing challenges.

  • Classic Autism – Social perception due to Visual Agnosias, Less Logical, Less Literal mentalising systems and higher ability to merge and sense due to higher information processing challenges.

How The Sensing System Works

Merging With People

I can sense and merge with people’s emotions, trauma, false core beliefs, internal vulnerabilities, projection and if they are not being honest either with themselves, a group of people or me. This can cause temporary dissonance between selfhood and other, shutdowns and as I have gotten older and gained functional speech potential dialogues that person isn’t consciously ready for and/or uncomfortable with.

I can reason out the difference between a person who is dangerous (narcissists, psychopaths & abusers) to others whom is deeply traumatised and/or living as perceived self (due to a mixture of factors developmental, environmental, attachment and personality disorders) in which their projection (unconscious trauma responses) as an extension of that – the analogy I use for this phenomena is I can feel the sunshine of their personhood which is hiding behind the clouds of unresolved challenges.

Both parties for different reasons (fear and/or a reaction to people’s internal sadness) trigger exposure anxiety and the defence responses that come with it.

Merging With The Environment

I can merge with just about anything losing the ability to gain the interpretive thread of what it means and its function, this were the object and enviroment become from the outside in this could look like someone whom has impulse control challenges.

For example when I commute on the London Underground all the lines, shapes, colours, shimmer and shine all compete for my attention (think of baby being enraptured by lights) and I must keep my conscious mind on track so that I do not merge into my enviroment when this is done I go into trance like state, it is warm and comforting. However removing this feeling can come at the price of emotional regulation challenges. Donna Williams (Polly Samuel) noted a deep sadness when broken away from what she had been focused on in this transient state.

The System Of Sensing & Personality Types

A person who fits the Solitary Personality Type may need time an space from people because of their ability to merge.

A person who fits the Idiosyncratic Personality Type may be highly sensitive to perceptions, thoughts and opinions around them.

A person who fits the Self-Sacrificing Personality Type may be hyper aware of other people’s challenges (regardless of if the person is consciously aware themselves) and likes to help and others.

Conclusion

It can be both heavenly and hellish, it comes with both its abilities and disabilities (or very much because of them), it can lead to connections for a life time, it can lead to misunderstandings and tears, it can lead to happiness, acceptance and all that maybe in between.

Paul Isaacs 2022


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Exposure Anxiety – Working With Involuntary Compulsive Avoidance, Diversion & Retaliation Responses

Note this from a personal perspective of Autism & Exposure Anxiety

Viewing Exposure Anxiety As Ego-Dystonic In Adulthood

When I was younger I used view Exposure Anxiety as a part of selfhood in which it was both sanctuary and a cage, a place reside and to hide and place to regulate from the intensity of the nervous system response it would create.

Selfhood, Personality & Mental Health

My view of selfhood has progressed over the past decade with an understanding of personality types, attachment, sociability, core beliefs, outlooks, environmental adjustment and the disordered extremes which can a do entrench functioning.

Mercurial/Borderline, Solitary/Schizoid, Idiosyncratic/Schizotypal, Self-Sacrificing/Masochistic & Serious/Depressive.

I was diagnosed with Borderline & Schizotypal Personality Disorders in 2008 along with mental health conditions auditory hallucinations and psychosis.

Exposure Anxiety, Core Self & Perception

It has come to my attention through two friends also on the autism spectrum that Exposure Anxiety still has an impact on my ability to converse and interact. Impacting on friendships and a shared sense of social. I thank them for pointing this out as it clear on reflection it still is having an impact.

Here is how presentation EA presents currently (the reactions aren’t personal to the listener but a reaction to exposure the compulsive need to “get rid of” the feeling.)

  • Socially Distancing Dialogues & Observations
  • Stilted Telegraphic Language
  • Bouts of Temporary Mutism

How this relates to core self is for you to imagine if you wanted to want, wanted to be, wanted to connect but your nervous system response is blocking to protect the “core self” through a complex nervous system response it could dictate and take over the original contextual reasoning of the conversation.

Perception is multifaceted and also gaps in knowledge are perfectly acceptable, if my reactions are causing potential upset, sadness, frustration or even anger for that I am sorry because regardless of its underpinnings that is the reality for the people involved not myself.

From a personality perspective I am naturally solitary only letting a few people in to my world on a personal level.

Riding Along With Other Information Processing Challenges

Alexithymia means I do not always understand or verbalise my own emotional states in real time, then there is social perception which for me is a mixture of simultagnosia, semantic agnosia coupled with a language processing disorder meaning conscious thought and mentalising internal frameworks and word association can be slower.

Shared Sense Of Social

A reduced ability to get a shared social sense of self and other can be seen in the in Conscientious/Obsessive Compulsive & Solitary/Schizoid personality types/disordered variants. It can make people feel like they aren’t being listen back they aren’t receiving the “feedback” in real time.

It is also be seen in autism “fruit salads” to varying different degrees, presentations with varying components and this can have impact of connected responses and internalisation processes – all self and no other or all other and no self.

Failure Is My Friend

As odd and as counter intuitive as it sounds I am pleased to have met and embraced failure in this area, it keeps me balanced, humble, objective and understanding (at least from my own personal view) how brilliantly unimportant I am in the vastness of the universe.

Paul Isaacs 2022


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Autism – Empathy, Sympathy, Mergence & Sensing

Note Although there is overlap I think these distinctions are important. This is from a personal perspective

Looking Beyond Interpretive Frameworks

Living in the “system of sensing” means that mergence with a person’s unconscious state is available this means sometimes their interpretive framework doesn’t always correlate with regards with their words or actions.

Merging & Dissonance

Mergence can be a difficult experience for me as I can see people that either they don’t see themselves (wanted or unwanted), see through lies, manipulation, trauma, disconnection and dissonance between actual and/or perceived self.

Acceptance Of The Lack Of Understanding

What I have also realised is that some people aren’t willing for many understanding & complex reasons – to not take note of the energy I am picking up.

This could because it challenges the status quo.

This could challenges the foundations of a personal and professional relationship.

Denial because it can sometimes be easier to ignore or create a confirmation bias/unobjectionable stance in the perception.

Can be seen as lacking logical construction or “meaning” from the surface despite the energy suggesting otherwise.

Conclusion

I suppose it’s about self management and understanding that all human beings start in this system (when the nervous system is naked).



Paul Isaacs 2022


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Looking At People With “Complex” Autism Fruit Salads

Note this is from a personal perspective, professional and observational perspectives – photos supplied with kind permission of Sharon King.

Reference Points

When we think of the word “autism” what do we mean? What are we saying? Is it a person’s own observational perspective? Could it be what one has read in a book? Seen on the television? Or could it be around a family member or diagnosis that you have yourself?

What Lenses Are We Looking Through? Our Own? Or Others?

When I think of the words “autism” from objective stand point which filters in to my professional philosophy it must ultimately be person centred, there should be no room from stereotypes, misinformation, rhetoric, identity politics that ultimately cloud, divide and at times silence voices and realities. Inclusion should mean in principle a need to look at things other than your own lenses.

Patchwork Quilts & Fruit Salads

When I saw the both Daisy and Lenny King many years ago I was ultimately seeing people in there own right and consulted with the family and the different information processing challenges that they had.

  • Sensory perceptual challenges (face, object and meaning blindness)
  • Language processing challenges (aphasia/verbal agnosia)
  • Body disconnection (body agnosias, finger agnosias)
  • Communication challenges (oral apraxia)

The Precious Nature Of Seeing Personhoods

What I have enjoyed and still do as family friend is their company they both live in the system of sensing (a pre-conscious world in which they have mergence), they are fiercely and emotively introspective, solitary and self owning, they offer friendship and connectivity beyond interpretive frameworks but are still equally meaningful, they are idiosyncratic and individualistic and their intelligence is clear to those whom are open minded enough to presume competence and understand that autism doesn’t have “one look”.

Paul Isaacs 2021


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Anna Kennedy – Autism & Information Processing Workshop

Information Processing Challenges Covered In Workshop

This workshop gives an overview of some (of the many) information processing challenges that people on the autism spectrum experience.

Paul Isaacs 2021


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Lenny King – An Autism Journey With & Presuming Competence

Lenny & His Mum Sharon
Lenny & His Mum Sharon

I first met the friendly and welcoming Lenny many years ago during a consultancy session

Lenny King is an endearing, funny and compassionate young man whom is thriving in his teenage years. He has a deep and close relationships to have parents and sister Rosie and has a sense of wonder and interest about the world around him.

Oral Apraxia, Echolalia and Language Processing

Lenny was diagnosed with on the autism spectrum when he was 2 years old, meeting him it is clear that he has oral apraxia and this is to do with speech organs in the mouth (tongue, jaw muscles, lips) not going tandem with what someone is saying. He has echolalia and this is do do with having a language processing disorder and creating one’s own language (patterning, theming and feeling) – with emotional context, phonic relatability and feeling words as opposed to their interpretive use.

Lenny has a great affinity for music and enjoys and eclectic array of songs – this seems have a profound impact on him as his body moves, sways also most in its own synchronistic modulations.

Sensory Perception, Object Blindness (Simultagnosia) & Meaning Blindness (Semantic Agnosia)

Lenny navigation of his external world suggests that he has sensory perceptual challenges if one can imagine for a that your sensory organs work but the feedback or information gets fragmented or distorted in some way – what system would you use? To create connections he is tactile kinesthetic in which he will feel his external world with great intent such as sand, blades of grass etc, When walks into a rooms he goes in around “dead space” and at times looks through and use peripheral vision to free information processing to “see”. This is extends to the way in which Lenny communicates and interacts with people touching their faces could be a way of creating context and association on a personal and emotive level.

Faceblindness, Body Agnosias & Mirrors

Lenny is fascinated by this face in the mirror and he at times brings his face up close and makes very distinct contortions around his mouth, lips and teeth. He seems to pay great inspection to these areas and there could be many reasonings to why this is happening.

Some people can be faceblind to their own face and on a subconscious level building up an external movement based “map” of what certain gestures look like could be one option, the other could be that he sees this person as an existential “friend” or “familiar person”. It took Donna Williams well into her twenties to understand she was looking at “herself” and me until I was sixteen. The final one could be a marriage of the above and be an getting a sense of his own “body as a whole” with the specific sways, body pressure and movement a to great a sense of reality and clarity/association.

Competence and IQ

I remember saying Lenny once not long ago “You are intelligent” to which he quickly replied “Yes!” this suggests to me that although he has complex language processing, sensory perceptual challenges and communication disorders and that his systems are on the plain of sensing much live his sister Daisy – in which he feels, merges with people, places and his surroundings and is able to connection on an emotive/introspective level that must never assume that “intelligence has a look”.

Lenny is intuitive, friendly, personable and highly idiosyncratic and self driven in all areas of his life and it is pleasure to be in his company.

Paul Isaacs 2021


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Autism Bucks Workshop – Autism & Exposure Anxiety

This is the fourth workshop presentation is about autism and Exposure Anxiety – this overlaps with ODD, PDA, Reactive Attachment Disorder and Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder

Further Information & Reading

Autism & Exposure Anxiety Video By Donna Williams

Autism & Exposure Anxiety Blogs By Paul Isaacs

Paul Isaacs 2021


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Profound Autism? Or More Complex Autism “Fruit Salads”?

Different Fruits Salads? Different Realities?

Some people have more complex autism “fruit salads which means the ideas around need certainly to addressed. Terminology does become polarising and inclusivity means looking at all realities, including one’s which challenge people.

Difference In Information Challenges?

Complex autism “fruit salads” may have these pieces. There are significant differences in Asperger’s and autism “fruit salads”. To say they are the same is misdirected.

Profound “autism fruit salads” could look like as follows-

Language processing disorders (aphasia/verbal agnosias).
Visual Perceptual disorders (face, meaning or object blindness).
Oral or full body apraxia and other communication challenges.
Body disconnection/body blindness (body agnosias) making one prone to self harm.
Underlying gut, metabolic or auto-immune challenges to information processing.
Acute levels of Exposure Anxiety.
Secondary Mood, Anxiety and Compulsive disorders that may have been present infancy.
Are still living in the System of Sensing.
Overall higher levels of visual-verbal information processing challenges.

Conclusions

Identity?

This means that you understand the pieces, produce competence and intelligence and never over invest in these challenges being “them”.

Politics?

Advocacy should always be a balanced, inclusive narrative. I see it as a professional responsibility not to feed the masses fables, buzz words or rhetoric.

Being Authentic & Objective?

It’s about being real and if that makes people uncomfortable then one must reason our why and come to a place of peace.

Paul Isaacs 2021


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NAS Lambeth/A2ndVoice Workshop – Autism & Language Processing Disorders Workshop

This workshop is about language processing disorders in the context of autism. Hosted by Venessa Bobb.

Further Information & Reading

Autism and Language A Journey To Functional Speech – Donna Williams

Wretches & Jabberers DVD Trailer

Paul Isaacs 2021