Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


Leave a comment

Autism, Mentalising & Gestalt Perception

Note this is from person perspective

Gestalt perception can account for both strengths and weaknesses of autistic perception. On the one hand, they seem to perceive more accurate information and a greater amount of it. On the other hand, this amount of unselected information cannot be processed simultaneously and may lead to information overload. Autistic people may experience gestalt perception in any sensory modality.

Olga Bogdashina 2014

About a month ago I was a friend of mine who is a speech and language therapist who works with people with autism, brain injuries (associated with language processing) other other neurological conditions.

Visual Perception & Memory

She asked me about how I mentalise the world around despite having challenges with visual-verbal connections and the ability to “marry” words and images together. This made me think about how I piece my “world” together and what tools I have used to do so. So she suggested about a simple memory comparison which was to see in the mind’s eye a generic church figure which she could.

Sensory Associative Memory

I said that when I think of a church I think of the feel and texture of the grass, the feel of the aged stone walls, the loud squeak of the wooden door, the musky smell of the aged church. She said can you bring all the those senses (experiences) together. I said I cannot as I think of them one sense at a time.

There appear to be multiple pathophysiological mechanisms that result in apperceptive visual agnosia. These may be related to the misperception of shapes due to defects in representing the elementary properties of curvature, surface and volume149 or failure to integrate multiple elements into a perceptual whole.150 Patients with severe apperceptive agnosia usually have extensive and diffuse occipital lesions and tend to have residual field defects.151

D. Tranel, A.R. Damasio, in International Encyclopedia of the Social & Behavioral Sciences, 2001

Conclusion

It’s clear that I have documented about having faceblindness, object blindness and meaning blindness which of course leads to “blindisms” in visual surroundings in which one has “context blindness” in which objects, faces and places lose their significance and visual-verbal meaning.

However it is clear from this conversation that the way in which I store memories through fragmented pieces of information bring about and evoke an emotional connection with what I am talking about.

Paul Isaacs 2019


Leave a comment

What if Life Was One Big Metaphor?

Image result for melting pot

Language and the use of it can be varied to the point that if you tried to think about all the language that people process and the variety of differing ways people interpret, receives, express, share, not share, avoid, connect, disconnect etc it is rather big and somewhat scary!

I can rote learn fun lines from advertisements, jingles, songs. Metaphors are some of these funny lines. I can learn metaphors as fun lines just like any other. And I commonly jumble them or use them in the wrong places, boldly certain I’m being linguistically creative and sounding like a total pratt. It is many the time I have looked at a supressed giggle or cringed at the overt ones as I fall over metaphors. I like metaphors, they are funny, but there’s a difference between learning language through rote and grasping, retrieiving and applying it based on interpretive understanding.

But to say Autistic people can’t understand metaphor is also a myth.

I may struggle with metaphors I haven’t had fully explained to me but boy oh boy… my entire life is like a metaphor.

Donna Williams

My late Grandfather was literal, pragmatic and had social emotional agnosia so he had a very linear, direct and conscientious in his way of expression. I have met others who are very much non-linear with their language tumbling, with neologisms, idiosyncratic and poetic . I have meet people who sense rather than interpret and other who interpret rather than sense.

It is in the end a massive melting pot of expression.

Paul Isaacs 2018


Leave a comment

Autism – The Crossover from “Sensing” to “Meaning”

Sensing vs Interpretation 2918 image

 

Note this is from a personal perspective

Talking yesterday to friend about speech and language I thought it was interesting to see progression the inner feelings of someone who has gone through significant challenges in receptive and expressive language. I can remember a whole host of disconnected emotions that came flooding towards my person when speech slowly developed in terms of expression, a whirl wind of patterns, phonics and placements in my collective unglued memory and figured out by the ages of eight a system of external placement, phonic placement and movement sequences that helped me connect with the outer world around me.

However what was challenging from both emotional and integration point of view was taking a step away from the system of “sensing” (Donna Wiliiams 1998) a state of pre-consciousness, patterns, thematics and “feelings” that answered and questioned, that supplied and didn’t demand, that sang but didn’t shout, that gave and took in relevance of the moment it was captured. A place which “being” was the name of the game and “storing information” was redundant and futile.

It was a world in which in my own way I had found connects through external sensory modulation as explained so switching my “systems” was much a painful and frustrating experience as I can ever remember my connected chatter annoyed and scared me and the connected words would then bring upon the attention of connected response to which I was not readily to respond.

So was it like losing a friend well at that point yes I was making subtle yet significant transition into the world of interpretation, cladding, hierarchy and applied meaning for someone who was profoundly meaning deaf and meaning blind to those concepts it certainly makes sense why I wanted to “go back” into a world of “sensing” it was in reflection both a prison and sanctuary, solitude and disarray and home and wilderness all at once.

We (human beings) all come from the system of “sensing” however my personal experience is being “there” for a longer allotted period and many ways I am still there with reflective gaining and personal developmental progressions that have come with it.

Paul Isaacs 2018


3 Comments

The Journey To Functional Language

IMAG0083

 

Note this is from a personal percpetive

There is a percentage of people on the autism spectrum who overcome a level of severe language processing disorder. I have been diagnosed with autism in 2010 at the age of 24. My trajectory was a wobbly one part of my autism was brain damage at birth (left hemisphere) which meant receptive and expressive language was impaired this was a RECEPTIVE & EXRPRESSIVE APHASIA, I was sleepy baby and my Mum notices differences at about 6 months old. My language impaction was a mixture of neurological and in early infancy environmental.

I had speech and language DELAYS as part of my language journey this included missing MILESTONES, and then I had TRAUMA which was do with having adenoidectomy and circumcision. I had ORAL APRAXIA which meant that words at times expressively where a jumbled mess. I was echolalic, echopraxia and echomimic TV shows; VHS you name was stored phrases, movements and sequences. I had roughly between 80- 90% meaning deafness up till the age of 7/8 years old. When a level of functional speech which “my own” it felt stilted, “alien” and non-fluent and garnered from my perspective a lot of unwanted attention so I went into bouts of SELECTIVE MUTISM through my late infancy. Visual perception had an impact of PICTURE/WORD association meaning I was largely kinaesthetic due to by object and meaning blind – SIMULTAGNOSIA and SEMANTIC AGNOSIA.

Now as an adult I would say I am residual being about 30-40 % meaning deaf, tinted lenses have helped my make simple but dramatic visual associative contexts although I still struggle to know the difference between a toaster and a bread bin! 😉 I someone speaks to quickly, background noise, doesn’t use gesture and/or objects of reference I may well pick up the words but not glue the “meaning” to them.

I have functional speech but it can still tumble and become laboured due to fatigue and residual aspects of ORAL APRAXIA and my social emotional world is tapped into INTROSPECTIVELY through art and poetry. I still live in a system of SENSING the unknown “KNOWNINGNESS” which means that I perceive far more than I know until it is “out there” on paper form then feed it back to myself and understand what is going on! My mind is like confetti but I have overcome many obstacles due to autism, developmental delay, language processing and visual perception.

Paul Isaacs 2018


Leave a comment

Autism & Living With The Fallout of Language Processing Disorder

Note – This is a from a personal perspective

Early Years & Its Relation To Language Development

I was born in 1986 and with the impact of a premature nervous system, brain injury due to complications of a placental abruption, cerebral asphyxia/hypoxia, fetal distress which caused in turn issues with visual perceptual disorders – rendering me object, meaning and context blind and due to the left hemisphere injury receptive and expressive language processing disorder. The picture below is on me not long after I was born signs of being premature are evident by the colour of my skin which is jaundice, fisted hands are sign of the nervous system being impaired. My Mum also noted that I was sleepy baby a common factor in babies who have the sort of start to life which I did.

Premature 1

Overall I started to speak (with no build up and “missing milestones” look above) and non-verbal until 1989 saying three words, then from 1990 onwards I regressed and lost skills in verbal language this persisted in me being non-verbal so from pre-school onwards slowly I made monolithic sounds and was saying “loo-loo” (meaning “water”) I was non-verbal from birth 1986 until 1989 then from 1990 until 1992. I then gained functional speech between the ages of 7/8 1993/94 (of a 3 year old developmentally).  – Paul Isaacs’ website 

 

A “Language” Of My Own?

My first three words where included “nan” which I used say in big long streams over and over again I liked the sound of it rather than making the “connection” that the word had and associate relevance with regards to a title of a family member. The words was “f**k” which was used for the same purposes as above however the social emotional aspects for both my parents in terms of embarrassment and parental judgement was high. The next has a level of context it was “loo-loo” which was going to toilets and flushing them – I was addicted to my own chemical highs when looking at the water as it flushed flicking my fingers.

Paul 1995 - 1

Inner Words

Words and sounds swilled around my head but nothing was tangible nor meaningful with anything the additional problems I faced meant that I had problems with processing speech but also at using it at at functional level of understanding or comprehension. Looking back I was trapped in a body that wouldn’t obey my commands my verbal wants or needs at the same time (the conception of “knowingness” wasn’t there in many respects) so not only did I have speech delay but severe language deficits that ran well into late infancy. Living a world before typical meaning was in itself a cage I didn’t have  language in head for many years it was kaleidoscopic, fragmented, ethereal and non-descript. In mid infancy I felt a frustration when words were expressively produced in manner which was clipped, stunted and not correct I remember feeling frustrated and detached. I believe words were within me but they the grip to get them is really beyond words to describe, but my parents always knew that they were within me. Paul Isaacs’ Website

Fast Forward To Now

Although I have gained a level of functional speech and many aspects of my “autism” would be in the residual range in terms of trajectory I still have challenges in these areas

  • Receptive language when people are speaking for larger lengths of time and/or people speaking in the background along with and/or including environmental noise.
  • I “sense” more than I consciously “interpret“.
  • I mentalise through “remembering” through placement, movement, texture and smell etc
  • I learn through being shown rather than being told.
  • Expressive language can become tiring when I begin to “lose words”.
  • Tinted lenses have helped me bring my visual world together but my “visual receptivity” is still in its infancy when it comes to a social-emotional context.
  • I type “feeling speak” far better and introspectively than I can verbally.

Paul Isaacs 2018


5 Comments

“Idiosyncratic Language” & “Stored Language Responses” in Autism

Interpreative Languuage 2017 2.png

Note this is from a personal perspective

Sometimes language in terms of interpretation can be difficult to “use” and “explore” however it may not be a true representation of the “inner world” the person is living in.

Words could come out stilted, mixed up and not in order and if the order is there it may take a lot time to form and lead into a strand of information. When my language was in its earliest “fruits” it was mixture of echolalia which I got from movies, sounds, movements, pitches and dominated my mind but trying to learn “interpretive language” was  “forced” and came from a  “stilted “place”.

  • Give the person time to process the information if the person has a level of Aphasia, and/or Verbal Agnosia
  • Allow time if the person has a level of motor coordination issues such as Oral Apraxia, Body Apraxia and/or Body Agnosias
  • Try using Gesture, Tone, Inflection and Objects of Reference
  • Understand were the stored language is coming from – Exposure Anxiety, Problems with Integration “self and other” in conversation, Body Related “Highs”, Mood, Anxiety, Impulse Control, Selective Mutism and/or Emotional Regulation 
  • See the Person First and Presume Competence

Before functional speech it a swill of verbal and visual information that I could not grasp nor mentalising in a fashion which was tangible my “inner world” was very much there but is was struggle to get it out I didn’t have a lot words to use in my mind as it was endlessly swirling and as I got older (before my later infant years) I was slowly building a firm repertoire of words and has a lot I want to say but couldn’t.

When functional speech came at the around the ages 7/8 the it was expressively of a three year old (in developmental, content and constructional presentation) however this “voice” that seemed to be more “fluid” scared me and frustrated me at the same time as it still didn’t represent my “inner world” I was torn between complex stored responses the basics of “interpretive speech” and wanting to cut off from verbal speech altogether not being able to “hold” mental images of words also delay many aspect of my language but painting and drawing in many ways we’re a creative and communicative effort it created a bridge.

I certainly did not have a Asperger trajectory when it came to expressive and receptive language and getting the point of verbal and contextual significance so when I get tired and my language processing goes down. 

  • Speech will become slower and fragmented
  • I will have consciously find “interpretive speak” words
  • Sentence construction and word placement will be mixed
  • I will get “stuck” on a word and/or sentence focusing on how it sounds

I still type more words than I verbally “speak” however I am grateful that I can and I try and use it to the best of my efforts in fact typing has allowed me to express my emotions with much more clarity, cadence and deepness.

Paul Isaacs 2017


Leave a comment

Managing Grief and Loss with Visual Perceptual Disorders

Note this is from a personal perspective

Grief is a normal state to be in when you lose someone you love and have connected to and I know that this feeling or more accurately abundance of differing feelings that accompany it are part of the process.

20160829_172026

Visual Agnosias – Deficits In Memory Perception & Visual Association? 

I have no pictures of my Gramp none that “spring to mind” I cannot “visualise” or have pictures in my mind my “meta-reality” (a person’s inner world/consciousness)  is not made of pictures or movies as a form of association. It is made of of smells and textures I made a point when I said goodbye to my Gramp at the chapel of rest to stroke his face and hair so would have a physical association of the firstly the bond we had and secondly my way of saying goodbye to him and his body.

Paul Isaacs communication profile 2017

Bereavement Counselor 

I went to see a bereavement counselor today and I was thankful that he was able to assist me not only in the human element of my grief but also adapt his way of describing different interventions and explanations to me.

 This is what he used in  the session 

  • Contextual telegraphic language “painting his words” with gesture and placement and meaning
  • Allowed time for me to do “all self no other” and “all other no self” in order for me to express and receive the information
  • Compartmentalised my  own emotional states giving them a reference point and also suggestions in how to manage my emotions
  • Understood I have a history of mood, compulsive and anxiety disorders associated with somatisation disorder
  • Allowed me to be creative in expressing my emotions through creative writing, poetry and art

 

autism-pyramid-updated-2017

 

Addressing The “Pieces” Of The Jigsaw

So what parts of my “autism” are being addressed?

  • I would say firstly his looking at a level of information processing delay and giving me time
  • The next would be that fact that because of visual perceptual disorders having a level of visual agnosia in the areas of meaning (semantic), object (simultagnosia) and faces (prosopagnosia) means that using gesture, placement and telegraphic language backed up with word emphasis in the right areas helps me internalise the words better assisting with the level of aphasia I have
  • Looking at my own emotional states is assisting with alexithymia and overall giving me time to integrate “self and other”.

 

Conclusion 

I would say that my grief is human and that I will get through this with at times very basic but meaningful interventions I do however hope this helps people with similar issues to my myself regardless of being on the autism spectrum or not.

 

Paul Isaacs 2017