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Autism from the inside


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Autism – The Crossover from “Sensing” to “Meaning”

Sensing vs Interpretation 2918 image

 

Note this is from a personal perspective

Talking yesterday to friend about speech and language I thought it was interesting to see progression the inner feelings of someone who has gone through significant challenges in receptive and expressive language. I can remember a whole host of disconnected emotions that came flooding towards my person when speech slowly developed in terms of expression, a whirl wind of patterns, phonics and placements in my collective unglued memory and figured out by the ages of eight a system of external placement, phonic placement and movement sequences that helped me connect with the outer world around me.

However what was challenging from both emotional and integration point of view was taking a step away from the system of “sensing” (Donna Wiliiams 1998) a state of pre-consciousness, patterns, thematics and “feelings” that answered and questioned, that supplied and didn’t demand, that sang but didn’t shout, that gave and took in relevance of the moment it was captured. A place which “being” was the name of the game and “storing information” was redundant and futile.

It was a world in which in my own way I had found connects through external sensory modulation as explained so switching my “systems” was much a painful and frustrating experience as I can ever remember my connected chatter annoyed and scared me and the connected words would then bring upon the attention of connected response to which I was not readily to respond.

So was it like losing a friend well at that point yes I was making subtle yet significant transition into the world of interpretation, cladding, hierarchy and applied meaning for someone who was profoundly meaning deaf and meaning blind to those concepts it certainly makes sense why I wanted to “go back” into a world of “sensing” it was in reflection both a prison and sanctuary, solitude and disarray and home and wilderness all at once.

We (human beings) all come from the system of “sensing” however my personal experience is being “there” for a longer allotted period and many ways I am still there with reflective gaining and personal developmental progressions that have come with it.

Paul Isaacs 2018


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Autism – Communication Beyond Speech? Sensing A System Before Interpretation With Sharon King

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Sharon King Speech is only the tip of the iceberg. There are many more ways to communicate

Paul Isaacs I have had many a good conversation about Sharon with regards to the “system” of “sensing” a world before “you”, “I”, “self”, “ego” etc. All human beings go through this developmental phase some people on the autism spectrum stay (to varying and differing degrees) in this framework. A world before cladding and concepts that build on to some degree intellectual understanding vs. introspection. If someone is still in this system they may well pick up on things/situations/emotions that are raw, they may see other functions for things rather than its “interpretive use”. 🙂

Paul Isaacs For example I would use the toilet an its flush system as a “toy” a place to contextualise, a place to feel and get “sensory/chemical highs”, I used shaving foam, litres of bubble bath to create patterns on the tiled surfaces for hours and hours, would/do take in the smells of nature around, its textures, its feeling. I have learnt that some people want to know how you are feeling this moment, at this time and in which order that doesn’t make their system wrong as it is system they are using just as much I am using mine so I think there are more degrees of humanity between people who are on and off the autism spectrum than people actually think. Boxes only muddy the issue. I also think there are many people off the spectrum who live in this system of sensing as well.

My World = One’s Own World. This is our first world. Before all of its later cladding and contortions, it is at first a place of sensing, beingness, the preconscious mind and unknown knowing. It is the place where we understand self in others and others in self through the skill of mergence.

The External World = The physical world known through our sensory experiences as processed through our bodies/brains and experienced as sensations, thoughts, emotions, connections. This is a directly hands on world where sensing and beingness may be relatively strongly intact.

The Interpretive World = the world of applied meaning to incoming experiences that progressively builds mental structures and frameworks that ultimately filter our direct sensed experiences of the physical world and develops conscious mind as the primary guide.

Ego World = Ego contortion that further clads, alters and filters the logical meaning we get from experiences of the physical world and further buries our original capacity for sensing and beingness. This can be indoctrination, culture, economics, identifications, rewards, honed addictions and competition for social, economic, cultural ‘currency’.

Donna Williams

Sharon King Sometimes I wonder if feelings are more real than the external reality as they are our first point of contact being ‘within’ and everything else is ‘without’ to be filtered through our senses.

Paul Isaacs I FEEL before I interpret so its almost like a translation with knowing on a conscious level translating. The main difference I see between auties and aspies is the the system of sensing (to some degree) is far more “there” this also is taking into account the information processing blockages that come with that.

For example my Father is very much OPPOSITE he build up frameworks first, concepts first and then feeling and reflections come second. Its in the end a differing system of understanding information around you.

Paul Isaacs 2018


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Daisy King, Kabuki Syndrome and Autism

Daisy Image 2018

 

I first met the endearing Daisy King when I done consultancy work at The King’s home about two years ago, we have since become friends.

Daisy King is in the later years of teenage hood and is very charming, warming and loving to the people she meets. She does not have verbal speech however she shows her wants and needs through tonal modulation, directing the person, objects of reference and gesture.

She has low muscle tone (which is a feature of the syndrome) but that doesn’t stop her from wanting to get around to meet people, play with them or go for a walk with her friends and family, she has problems with feeding but has a tremendous appetite, she has her person care needs met by her family and big sister Rosie. She is loved and shows it in a give and take fashion.

Sensory Perception, Meaning Blindness (Semantic Agnosia)

I was 19 when my ex-shrink declared from across the room, ‘You have agnosia’. We’d evolved into a friendship thing and I guess in my years as her patient she didn’t have a shelf of objects in her room so had never really seen me handle them. But here I was with a rubber thingy in my fingers upon which was balances a hollow tube like structure which made a good sound when tapped. I had suddenly declared ‘this is a baby’s bottle’… probably fairly obvious to most given this woman had a toddler, but to me this mysterious structure was something of unchartered territory though it’s likely I’d encountered hundreds of them in my 19 years of life by that time, let alone grown up with one. But that’s visual agnosia for ya (semantic agnosia).

Donna Williams

Daisy seems to be meaning blind so externally explores around her liking to connect people through touch, pressure. If one doesn’t have a level of visual “recall” it would make sense that she explores people and objects in this fashion to get a “reality” other than “seeing” despite her eyes working.

Sensory Perception, Object Blindness (Simlutagnosia)

As a person who grew up with inability to simultaneously process my visual world, leaving me seeing everything bit by bit, context blind, face blind, often also semi object blind, I feel visual perceptual disorders played a significant role in my learning, development and inability to also gain receptive language processing or functional speech until late childhood. But what weight might visual perceptual disorders alone play in the development of someone’s autism?

Donna Williams

When your visual world is so distorted, lacking interpretive meaning and “fragmented” Daisy shows many clever signs of trying to get coherence from the visual world around her she will twiddle, spin and balance objects creating movement for people with an array of visual perceptual disorders objects may be “dead” when there is no movement and/or sound present. She also at times looks out the corner of her eyes using peripheral vision because it is easier to process and percieve rather than central vision which causes the distortion.

Daisy and Paul 2018

The “System of Sensing”

The realm of sensing is the place we have all come from: that world before mind was thought of as ‘me, before body became ‘mine’, that time when we ‘knew’ because we FELT the nature of things, the feel of them- when we sensed. This was before we had learned to interpret and see the world not as it was but through our concepts and ideas of what it was.

Donna Williams

When someone is in the system it often gets confused (because of the external “behaviours” and presentation) as someone who has a “low intellect” I challenge this because if the system is still present that means that the person is taking in the information around them but is “feeling” rather than putting it into other more “interpretive” framework.

Daisy seems to live very much in this system in terms of her interpersonal relationships with her family and friends. She is fun, cheeky, outgoing and shares her Mum’s idiosyncratic personality and mercurial personality.

In the end she is a human being living and loving life. 🙂

Paul Isaacs 2018

 

 


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The Journey To Functional Language

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Note this is from a personal percpetive

There is a percentage of people on the autism spectrum who overcome a level of severe language processing disorder. I have been diagnosed with autism in 2010 at the age of 24. My trajectory was a wobbly one part of my autism was brain damage at birth (left hemisphere) which meant receptive and expressive language was impaired this was a RECEPTIVE & EXRPRESSIVE APHASIA, I was sleepy baby and my Mum notices differences at about 6 months old. My language impaction was a mixture of neurological and in early infancy environmental.

I had speech and language DELAYS as part of my language journey this included missing MILESTONES, and then I had TRAUMA which was do with having adenoidectomy and circumcision. I had ORAL APRAXIA which meant that words at times expressively where a jumbled mess. I was echolalic, echopraxia and echomimic TV shows; VHS you name was stored phrases, movements and sequences. I had roughly between 80- 90% meaning deafness up till the age of 7/8 years old. When a level of functional speech which “my own” it felt stilted, “alien” and non-fluent and garnered from my perspective a lot of unwanted attention so I went into bouts of SELECTIVE MUTISM through my late infancy. Visual perception had an impact of PICTURE/WORD association meaning I was largely kinaesthetic due to by object and meaning blind – SIMULTAGNOSIA and SEMANTIC AGNOSIA.

Now as an adult I would say I am residual being about 30-40 % meaning deaf, tinted lenses have helped my make simple but dramatic visual associative contexts although I still struggle to know the difference between a toaster and a bread bin! 😉 I someone speaks to quickly, background noise, doesn’t use gesture and/or objects of reference I may well pick up the words but not glue the “meaning” to them.

I have functional speech but it can still tumble and become laboured due to fatigue and residual aspects of ORAL APRAXIA and my social emotional world is tapped into INTROSPECTIVELY through art and poetry. I still live in a system of SENSING the unknown “KNOWNINGNESS” which means that I perceive far more than I know until it is “out there” on paper form then feed it back to myself and understand what is going on! My mind is like confetti but I have overcome many obstacles due to autism, developmental delay, language processing and visual perception.

Paul Isaacs 2018


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Autism, “Stored Responses”, Language, Processing Delay & Unconscious Thought

Language Processing Delay 2017

Note This from a personal perspective 

Conscious and Unconscious Processing 

The problem even though I have progressed in many areas is switching between conscious and unconscious patterns of thinking, this in term has an impact on my ability to keep with incoming information in this case verbal, the ability to think consciously about what how to answer and also gauge the emotional significance of it.

“Stored Responses” & Unknown Knowing

I have come to realise that have rapporteur of “stored verbal responses” which come out at moments when I cannot process information in real-time these can look sometimes stilted, disinterested or “vacant” this is because I have level of social-emotional agnosia due to visual perceptual disorders and receptive/expressive language disorders as a result of aphasia.  This jutting between a conscious response and conscious acknowledgment  when most of my thought process’ that are “connected” in unconscious states means I now looking at ways of trying to marry my thoughts in a more connected manner this comes through typing in which the information I type hasn’t consciously gone in and unconsciously comes out as Donna puts comes as a surprise to the person in question as it may do to the people around them.

“Being” and “Sensing”

Donna Williams explains how the senses of a person with autism work, suggesting that they are ‘stuck’ at an early development stage common to everyone. She calls this the system of sensing, claiming that most people move on to the system of interpretation which enables them to make sense of the world. In doing so, as well as gaining the means of coping with the world, they lose various abilities which people with autism retain.

I can exist in state of being for hours on end that is were my process’s lie I observe without a conscious “knowing” or “interpretation” of what is going on around me as the however on an introspective level it is being so. I connect far more broadly and deeply through touch and texture. I am primarily a kinesthetic thinker/processor.

Being A Silent Observer

I have observed the world “silently” however I wasn’t really “silent” in the literal sense speech was not only delayed but late to be functionally meaningful, words swilled in my mind however grasping them for context and meaning was a struggle to say the least as I grew into later infanthood my verbal speech impinged on my jutting my conscious thought with “sounds” that did not represent the “inner world” I resided in.  I am solitary and idiosyncratic and that has no doubt coloured my perceptions as much as the other part of my “autism fruit salad”.

Paul Isaacs 2017

 


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Autism, Visual Agnosias And Making Connections

Note this is from a personal perspective

As a child my Mum thought I was “deaf and blind” and this was to do with both “blindisms” and “deafisms” this is how it presented itself through behaviours that I did show.

Baby Pictures Deck Chair I Year Old

  • Staring through objects and people and appearing “blind”.
  • Getting stimulation and “lost” such as  staring at water, lint and small  fragments this would include finger flicking and hand flapping to “bind together” visual information and give coheranence.
  • Poking the side of my eyes to create colours also forcing my eyes shut at night to create internal colours and shapes.
  • Focusing on mouths rather than a whole face (which I couldn’t process as a cohesive whole).
  • Processing people in “pieces” focusing on one part of the body and neglecting everything else (this extends to the whole visual field).
  • Getting an external “reality” from  kinaesthetic/tactile association such as touching, licking, sniffing, tapping rubbing  my surroundings these are my “eyes”.
  • Connecting with people by “sculpting” their faces, rustling through their hair and thus creating association/bonding.
  • Using peripheral vision rather than using my central visual field sot “shut off” a part of visual processing.
  • Being lost meant that others had to find me.
  • Fluctuations and distortions in depth percpetion, foreground and background.
  • Filling in my time with repetition such as echolalia, videos and music that are unconscious thought and “being” as opposed to conscious thought and “doing”.
  • Finding people asking me directly to “do” difficult jolting my reality this is secondary to langauge processing disorders, aphasia, aqquistion of  “self” and “other”  which is also a result of exposure anxiety and problems with direct confrontation.
  • Finding objects, placement and context has to be formed on a personal level that means all things of significance and relevance must be on display.
  • When objects are not moving their reality is not acknowledged.

Context, Language and Perception

Having a level of visual agnosia, simultagnosia, prosopagnosia and semantic agnosia meant that association and context was and is at times is very difficult. As well as having a level of aphasia which meant the visual/language link took a long time to bridge and form.

Tinted lenses have helped bring a level of visual binding, coherence and an ability to keep up with visual information at a much quicker rate, recognise non-verbal cues and sort out my placement while moving from place to place.

Paul Isaacs 2017


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Managing Grief and Loss with Visual Perceptual Disorders

Note this is from a personal perspective

Grief is a normal state to be in when you lose someone you love and have connected to and I know that this feeling or more accurately abundance of differing feelings that accompany it are part of the process.

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Visual Agnosias – Deficits In Memory Perception & Visual Association? 

I have no pictures of my Gramp none that “spring to mind” I cannot “visualise” or have pictures in my mind my “meta-reality” (a person’s inner world/consciousness)  is not made of pictures or movies as a form of association. It is made of of smells and textures I made a point when I said goodbye to my Gramp at the chapel of rest to stroke his face and hair so would have a physical association of the firstly the bond we had and secondly my way of saying goodbye to him and his body.

Paul Isaacs communication profile 2017

Bereavement Counselor 

I went to see a bereavement counselor today and I was thankful that he was able to assist me not only in the human element of my grief but also adapt his way of describing different interventions and explanations to me.

 This is what he used in  the session 

  • Contextual telegraphic language “painting his words” with gesture and placement and meaning
  • Allowed time for me to do “all self no other” and “all other no self” in order for me to express and receive the information
  • Compartmentalised my  own emotional states giving them a reference point and also suggestions in how to manage my emotions
  • Understood I have a history of mood, compulsive and anxiety disorders associated with somatisation disorder
  • Allowed me to be creative in expressing my emotions through creative writing, poetry and art

 

autism-pyramid-updated-2017

 

Addressing The “Pieces” Of The Jigsaw

So what parts of my “autism” are being addressed?

  • I would say firstly his looking at a level of information processing delay and giving me time
  • The next would be that fact that because of visual perceptual disorders having a level of visual agnosia in the areas of meaning (semantic), object (simultagnosia) and faces (prosopagnosia) means that using gesture, placement and telegraphic language backed up with word emphasis in the right areas helps me internalise the words better assisting with the level of aphasia I have
  • Looking at my own emotional states is assisting with alexithymia and overall giving me time to integrate “self and other”.

 

Conclusion 

I would say that my grief is human and that I will get through this with at times very basic but meaningful interventions I do however hope this helps people with similar issues to my myself regardless of being on the autism spectrum or not.

 

Paul Isaacs 2017