Acts of apathy and indifference is compounding the problem can imagine being told your reality was not “real”? Or that your reality was something that “just happened” and was met with almost chronic indifference from a social and systematic perspective?
The British Empire Was Driven By Racist Ideology
White privilege is happening and it’s warped hierarchy has been happening for well over 400 years, when the British Empire stole land, resettled and uprooted the gears of this machine did start to turn.
It is irresponsible and insufficient to view the separation of family units in the Caribbean through a lens that ignores the massive legacy of slavery – which is how most those families came to live there in the first place – and its relationship with the Commonwealth.
It’s seeped into our “British Culture”as “normal”, in education, in employment, in media, in books and in movies etc.
“Before, people had to hide their racism. If you felt something bad about about black people, about Muslims, you had to shut up. Now these people have the confidence to come out in public to say everything. This is scary to me, that scares the shit out of me.”
In times of great unrest do not believe the mass neurosis of conspiracy theorists that is being projected by David Icke and people who are following his “new age awakenings”
They are pointing fingers into smoke and mirrors, producing further fear and illogical reasoning for worldly matters. I believe this could have a massive negative impact to people with pre-existing mental health conditions. We are dealing with a serious virus and I feel this is a dangerous distraction to the seriousness of the situation.
Corruption Doesn’t Mean Conspiracy
What we do know is governments are corrupt simply because they can be, we live a top down society because money sadly is more meaningful than life.
There is no grand “New World Order” just human beings wallowing in ethos of greed.
Conclusion and Rationality
Remember these people are using this current uncertain situation as ballast to project their “theories” as “truth”. The truth is corruption grows when people go unchallenged.
Mr. Isaacs was unable to attend today as he is a shift worker and since accordingly this date he has been changed to day work. My initial impression of Paul was of a much younger lad (he is eleven in May) physically and psychologically.
Paul was eager to explain his concerns to me and at times was very insistent on not letting his mother give a more comprehensible explanation of the situations that had occurred.
Paul’s major sense of unhappiness and the reason for his referral is that he feels he is verbally bullied at school. he gave examples of being taunted primarily about 1.) The he way walks. 2.) Shuffling his feet. 3.) He wears glasses – and he has been called “four eyes”. However, he feels that the teaching staff are against him . In year 4 he had an unhappy relationship with his form teacher. It does seem one particular occasion he was humiliated – but to the infants so they could show him how to behave.
Mrs Isaacs also incited another incident which seemed to have upset her more than Paul. It became apparent that when Paul was explaining his situation at school his explanations tented to be repetitions of his parents points of view.
Paul after became muddled and it seemed there gaps in connecting and associating. It was also significant that when Paul referred to “she!”- his pronunciation was really that of “he” – I did check several times, but it appears that both Paul and his mother were unaware of this – which was marked. (receptive hearing problem? speech difficulties?).
Mrs Isaacs pointed out that Paul always had difficulties “concentrating” and settling down to work – she remembers this as stemming as far back as three year of age – When he attended play-group. she also recalls at this age and ever since that has had problems with “interacting with others” (her words). Paul has not many friends and it was brought to Mrs Isaacs’ attention by the teaching staff that he was a “solitary figure” in the playground. His mother also pointed out that they lived close of approx ten houses and that there were other children of Paul’s age, but he tended to say in.
Her explanation for this was that he felt safe and secure behind closed doors. Paul did mention some of his friends, but found it hard to articulate what he felt about his friendships with them. He did admit to hitting out at people at times is was significant that he mentioned his father hit him when he was angry. Mrs Isaacs denied this. Paul’s response was “I suppose Mum must embarrassed that I said that.”
Paul’s self-perception is that his “fairly sensible” , however he admits to being influenced by others into “being silly”, but he feels other children are being “sillier” the than him – “going over the top”. He feels he doesn’t go over “the top”. Paul has recently had to go back to the very basics in Maths with one other pupil. Mrs Isaacs conveyed concern and irritation that the teaching staff had not picked up on Paul’s severe difficulties with Maths; especially in view of him starting upper school at Lord Williams East in the new academic year (Sept 1997). Paul’s reading age is estimated as that of a nine year old. it appears the only positive subject that could of was Paul’ art. Mrs Isaacs believes and feels the teaching staff convey negative messages surround Paul’s overall performance. Mrs Isaacs explained that Paul gets very “worked up” over homework assignments, Paul also stated that he cries very easily hence his vulnerability at school in being bullied. It appears Paul suffers from anticipatory anxiety and expressed his fear of commencing upper school as he has heard he will get “beaten up”. Is is of significance that Mrs Isaacs was unhappy at ‘Long Crendon Primary School’ and suffered “bullying” at ‘Lord Williams’ East’. Mr Isaacs is also being scapegoated at work – he is being ‘verbally bullied’ (Mrs Isaacs’ words) and harassed and feels under a lot of pressure.
Family History
When referring to the history of the pregnancy Mrs Isaacs requested to speak separately – she explained she told no one of the pregnancy – only her partner (whom she is married to). She had been rushed into the JR as Paul “was distressed” – he was a month premature and was in SBCU post birth. She was unable to breast -feed Paul remarking they had said “she was too big”. Transition to weening had been unproblematic. Had been slow in walking – 18 months? He was sleepy baby and had to be woken up for feeds – He had been a “good baby”. However Mrs Isaacs had fond toddlerhood difficult – his “boisterousness”. Paul has had three operations 1.) Circumcision at 2 years 2.) Grommets 3.) Adenoidectomy at 4 years – at the JR and Radcliffe. Tonsillitis – query – Tonsillectomy otherwise healthy. Mother with Paul for all operations – no significant complications
Paul would like help with “the teasing” – he said it although it had been easier recently he wants to be able to cope with it better if it worsens again. He also says he is very sensitive and works himself into a state easily. There is also much anticipatory anxiety regarding this move to Lord Williams’ East in the Autumn. In ascertaining his mood he expresses no helplessness or hopeless feeling and denies suicidal ideation or such thoughts. He does covey and sense of confusion and bewilderment over the treating of staff’s “rude words” (his words) about his self-presentation. (persistent anxiety).
Assessment from Psychologist (educational?) to check on cognitive abilities and overall school performance.
Social skills group at “The Park Hospital for Children”. (mother drives) for interaction with class.
Possible Family Therapy – concerns regarding Paul;s parents and levels of depression. Re-enactment of mother’s unhappy school experience and father’s “bullying” at his workplace, especially regarding “authority figures”
There was a massive transition in 1993/1994 prior to this interaction before this I was echolalic, meaning deaf to large degree around 80 to 90 percent and unable to speak in a fluid manner. Having visual agnosias, oral apraxia and challenges around receptive language meant that getting an interpretive and expressive framework was slow, stilted and lengthy. I went through bouts of selective mutism and hating my “connected” voice which then in turn triggered exposure anxiety.
there appeared to be a gap in connecting and association.
Still having complex visual and verbal blockages meant that my “cognitive abilities” were hidden and therefore not “seen”. I have no doubt that the lady in question had her own frame of reference on how I was processing the information so thinking I was “retarded” was just the tip of the processing iceberg.
‘Bursting into tears quickly’ – Alexithymia, Body Agnosias and Trauma
There are many overlapping reasons why this was happening at this point – the reason in which I was at this assessment was the persistent and verbal bullying from a senior member of staff at the primary school which I attended.
Having body agnosias meant that I couldn’t gauge or manage my own emotional states this would be related to alexithymia the inability to “know” your own states of emotion, the ability to “internalise” them and mentalise them on a “conscious” level. However many years later when I wrote my first book I came to realise that on a “unconscious level” all my experiences were unlocked through typing.
(receptive hearing problem? speech difficulties?)
I was traumatised from an early age by expressive language (but at times would be intermittently intrigued) due to a language processing disorder (aphasia).
I was triggered by exposure anxiety, dissociated easily and would struggle to get incoming information with “meaning”. Living in the world of the system of “sensing” before awareness mind and the ability to make interpretive connections.
Battling Books & Formulas & Artism
He has severe difficulties in maths.
His reading age has been estimated at an average age of nine.
Not being able to mentalise in a visual – verbal way meant that I had challenges around comprehension and getting meaning from books, written words and maths. (dyslexia, dyscalculia and visual-verbal agnosias). I found the process of writing very difficult the way in which I held the pencil, the ability to concentrate on each letter and sentence formation. The same goes for maths.
My solace for extraction and distraction was art which was were my mind was freed and felt “at home”. I started from a very young around 5 smearing paint on to a piece of paper and I was hooked from that point on then transitioning to drawing by route during this period of my development.
Prematurity & Height “There is some evidence that babies who were born premature tend to be shorter in childhood, but they usually catch up with those born at term in late adolescence. But our study shows that women who were born very preterm fail to reach the stature you’d expect based on their parents’ and siblings’ heights.”12 Dec 2016
She noted that developmentally and that I seemed “younger” than my age from a psychological and psychical perspective. There is a link between having a short stature and prematurity, currently I am only about 5’8′ I do not think I will be growing vertically anytime soon.
I can assure you I was lucky that my parents gave me love, support and grounding even though they didn’t know that I was on the autism spectrum. Did they both have difficult childhoods and upbringings? Yes they did for many different reasons.
My Father had parents his whom were his primary caregivers who didn’t not show him love, affection, boundaries or a sense of meaningful inclusion. Both of his parents were cold and aloof and didn’t seem to understand (be it wanting or otherwise) the serious practicalities of what parenthood meant for in a child’s development and emotional well-being.
My Mother was seen as a disappointment to her Mother who was constantly comparing my Mum to other people explaining that she needed to be more like other people as opposed to building up her own sense of self identity, self-worth and autonomy.
The truth is I am and try to be a objective judge of character when it’s presented to me and the answer is no I did not have an attachment disorder and my parents were not to blame for anything.
My Mother fits the solitary, serious and self-sacrificing personality types. She is giving, emotionally connective and generous.
My Father fits the conscientious, mercurial and adventurous personality types. He is assertive, pragmatic and forthright.
I love and value them as human beings because despite their own “shit” they didn’t fling it consciously or otherwise on to me.
Once I was told why don’t you go to school reunion’s? Having thought about this answer and the infinite amount of timely words I could plunder on this subject. I figured it would best to say never go back to the person you used to be you will only get lost again.
People change for all sorts of reason’s and those people who knew me time is about being the best version of yourself.
For those who bullied me who clad it with denial or detachment or the “phase of being a teenager” you probably needed a hug and listening ear more than I ever did.
Simultagnosia is a condition that effects the occiptal lobes of the brain this is where visual perception and processing is connected, it also can have an impact on visual association, language perception/processing and overall navigation of the visual world around you.
“Blindisms”
For me it meant not being able to access the visual world with coherence rendering me unable to access with my “eyes”and having to build up the visual world in a “non-visual” way such as.
Smelling
Touching
Sculpting
Licking
Tapping
Moving
This started early in my development with my Mum’s observations thinking I was both deaf and blind(which is a common observation with people with visual agnosias) I was imprinting through EXTERNAL stimulus to build up a representation and connecting through other sensory modulations to make sense of the experience around me.
“Mapping” A System
As I have got older and with more awareness of the condition I have system in place where I do not hide anything from my view and placement of objects are important in relation to their context.
Context & Relevance
I still have a level of context blindness which means that things that are not being used “lose there relevance” (what they are, their use and function in relation to the environment) I may mistake objects for other things entirely and/or be caught up in how they make me feel rather than what they are.
I am pleased an eagerly proud to be working for a small autism organisation called My World and day centre for people on the autism spectrum. This summer it shall be four years of service to which I have contributed my consultancy work.
With people who have a narrow, conceited and reductive view of what autism “is” and how one is supposed to “act” and “behave” noting that it has “one look” so therefore “one approach and intervention” is wrong and that doesn’t happen here.
At My World all the caring and empathic staff are valued, open-minded and willing to learn this means that what is taken is a person-centred approach, looking at the person’s mental health, learning styles, information processing challenges and ultimately sees them as people or equal worth and value going about their day and purcuits.
Our success is our ethos, open-mind natures, ability to learn new things and approaches and empathy which encourages people in the end to be the best version of themselves.
There are also experiences in the past tense such as over coming oral apraxia, high levels of exposure anxiety, selective mutism and gaining functional speech although it was a long road to doing so.
Autism is not ALL it is PART OF I see myself as a person a patchwork quilt made of many things. Autism just “is” I am neither proud nor ashamed. I seek balance not objectification. 😊
Note this is from a personal perspective Hemiplegia in Children
I have written in previous blogs about my challenges in the area of hemiplegia which was due to brain injury I had due to complications birth and body disconnection this has meant complications in the area of gait (movement and locomotion), pressure and depth.
Symptoms to Look Out For
Keep in mind that symptoms will vary according to each child. While some children may exhibit all symptoms, others may only exhibit a few. The common symptoms associated with hemiparetic and hemiplegic CP consist of: Using only one hand while playing, typically surfacing before the age of three Constantly keeping one hand balled into a fist Unusually long delay in reaching developmental milestones Extreme stiffness and/or muscle weakness on one side of the body Balance and walking problems
Body disconnection has had an impact on my gait also in you think about not being about to perceive the pressure points of movement (toe and heel pressure), direction of legs and knee placement as well as having poor core muscle strength which is my case I feel was to do with being premature and having mild hypermobility/low muscle tone which may have also contributed to my problems with expressive language.
Insoles and Conclusion
Phoebe Caldwell contacted me sometime ago with regards to trying out some insoles which are supplied by a company called Revs Lights and here is my feedback from my experiences of them.
Increased input in perceptual awareness of my “feet”.
Increased awareness of the pressure needed which had a positive impact on locomotion.
Feelings of fatigue have improved due to improve perceptual input and correcting of gait formation and locomotion.
Information processing “blockage” has been freed allowing and freeing up space more
I feeling of “coherence” and overall grounding improving mood and anxiety disorders
Please see info on this weeks guest. Paul is speaking again at 1pm today (06/03/2019)
My guest this week for Women’s Radio Station was one of our Charity Ambassadors Paul Isaacs. Paul is an autistic trainer, speaker, consultant and blogger. He has co-authored several books including Life through a Kaleidoscope and Living through the Haze.Paul has released and published 5 books on the subject of autism published by Chipmunka publishing and has contributed to other books too. Having overcome many challenges to achieve the success that he now enjoys, Paul’s message is that Autism is a complex mix of ability and disability. He firmly believes that every Autistic person should have the opportunity to reach their potential and be regarded as a valued member of society.
Paul shares :
Yesterday I spoke to Anna Kennedy at the Women’s Radio show in London the first question she asked was the road to being diagnosed on the autism spectrum. In 2007 I was sent to the local mental health team in which I was misdiagnosed with “Aspergers traits with a complex personality” I found out later looking through my medical records during this period that I was diagnosed with schizotypal and borderline personality disorders I was also suffering at this point in time from psychosis and auditory hallucinations.
In 2010 I was diagnosed formally with autism and OCD by a psychiatrist the key to this process was the caring and connecting nature in which he allowed our myself and my parents to talk about the difficult and challenging aspects of my past which included current difficulties with professionalism and humility.
Anna went on to talk about what the educational system was like for me I was born in 1986 and went through mainstream education to which many problems arose it was more to do with the the frame of reference the teachers had rather than them doing me deliberate harm. Everything was distorted, fragmented both visually and from a language perspective. People making phonic noises at one another, shapeless form less people, near and far, here nor there. I was hyperactive and didn’t seem to the connect with the world around me. If I had been diagnosed at this point it would have been of classic autism due to higher levels of visual-verbal processing challenges, language processing disorder and expressive communication challenges.
I found solace in water to which I was fascinated by and flushing toilets looking at the flow of water in amazement getting lost in it, becoming it and not wanting on a subconscious level to let go it was a friend of sorts always there when I needed him.
Anna followed on by asking me about how my parents coped what they done to help me despite not having a formal diagnosis at this time. Headteachers at primary school had noted behaviourally issues, being shy and difficulties with handwriting and using a pen. My parents all through primary and secondary school did not find solutions from these meetings because it was always “Paul cannot” with no alternative being put in its place.
So my parents treated me as a child a little adult, they allowed me to experience the world around me not making part of it small but going out cycling, walking, swimming, going out restaurants and holidays. They instilled that in me that I was apart of the world not centre of it, that failure is a normal part of life and that in the end can be the best version of yourself.
Anna asked about what I do in my free time I like to create mostly through the mediums of poetry, creating writing and art these things I find very relaxing and connect with my on a emotive level it grounds my thoughts, feelings and expands my experiences with other people also. I like meeting up with friends which I do twice monthly at a local restaurant I value all their friendships deeply. I have also made friendships up north with The Kings Sharon and her family have been great to be around with as well as a friend in London who shares many creative vibes with.
Anna asked about my tinted lenses and what the function of them are. They help me bring coherence to the world around me binding it together without them everything becomes shattered and all the pieces do not come together. seventy percent of information is visual so if you think about how much one takes in through that one sense and if in my case the inability to perceive faces, objects, places etc the are a great aid for me to not only walk around the visual world but be able to hand the incoming information and store it in a more calmy fashion.
Anna finally talked about the “autism fruit salad” I explained to her about the late Donna Williams a lady on the autism spectrum who will be greatly missed because she touched so many people’s lives in profound and brilliant ways. Donna was a trailblazer and in many ways ahead of her time while other people are being militant about what autism “is” and “isn’t” the fruit salad explains that autism is a patchwork quilt of differing factors such as information processing, identity and personality, mental health, learning styles and environmental factors. “Autism” in affect doesn’t have a “look” with regards the “Asperger’s syndrome” removal in the DSM 5 I feel that did they understand the mechanics of the condition?
Donna wrote a brilliant blog about the differences between “Aspie and Autie Fruit Salads” which means from her observations as a consultant it seems that people with a diagnosis of AS seem to be literal, logical and process internally while people with Autism are less literal, less logical and processing things externally and then of course what about the “Aspinauts” people who are dipping into both worlds? I like Donna’s ability to always think about side of the box she was so kind and giving.
The future for autism I feel is to ditch the stereotypes, politics, rhetoric and nonsense the burns more bridges than it builds, let’s start by looking at autism realities for all, striking up healthy and balanced dialogues, lets learn from people different experiences and be humble with it.
If you would like to book Paul as speaker, trainer and/or consultant please contact him via email at
staypuft12@yahoo.co.uk
Paul Isaacs Freelance Autistic Speaker, Trainer, Consultant & Author
In a sometimes mind boggling world of shallow, narrow cucumber minded folk. Remember to be the person you want to be, when you close your eyes, wake up, make breakfast and go to work.
Short and timely travels within a flesh vessel of chemicals, minerals, fluids and too many a complication to bubble upon the cooking fat of existence.
I do no t adhere to clubs of a singular mentality for sometimes a heard can lead the blinkered people towards darkly paths of anxiety and self recriminations.
So I say crumble the falsehoods of separation, for they create longer bridges of acceptance to cross, know you are one person with the ability of helpfulness to share love upon everyone.
