Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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Autism, “Stored Responses”, Language, Processing Delay & Unconscious Thought

Language Processing Delay 2017

Note This from a personal perspective 

Conscious and Unconscious Processing 

The problem even though I have progressed in many areas is switching between conscious and unconscious patterns of thinking, this in term has an impact on my ability to keep with incoming information in this case verbal, the ability to think consciously about what how to answer and also gauge the emotional significance of it.

“Stored Responses” & Unknown Knowing

I have come to realise that have rapporteur of “stored verbal responses” which come out at moments when I cannot process information in real-time these can look sometimes stilted, disinterested or “vacant” this is because I have level of social-emotional agnosia due to visual perceptual disorders and receptive/expressive language disorders as a result of aphasia.  This jutting between a conscious response and conscious acknowledgment  when most of my thought process’ that are “connected” in unconscious states means I now looking at ways of trying to marry my thoughts in a more connected manner this comes through typing in which the information I type hasn’t consciously gone in and unconsciously comes out as Donna puts comes as a surprise to the person in question as it may do to the people around them.

“Being” and “Sensing”

Donna Williams explains how the senses of a person with autism work, suggesting that they are ‘stuck’ at an early development stage common to everyone. She calls this the system of sensing, claiming that most people move on to the system of interpretation which enables them to make sense of the world. In doing so, as well as gaining the means of coping with the world, they lose various abilities which people with autism retain.

I can exist in state of being for hours on end that is were my process’s lie I observe without a conscious “knowing” or “interpretation” of what is going on around me as the however on an introspective level it is being so. I connect far more broadly and deeply through touch and texture. I am primarily a kinesthetic thinker/processor.

Being A Silent Observer

I have observed the world “silently” however I wasn’t really “silent” in the literal sense speech was not only delayed but late to be functionally meaningful, words swilled in my mind however grasping them for context and meaning was a struggle to say the least as I grew into later infanthood my verbal speech impinged on my jutting my conscious thought with “sounds” that did not represent the “inner world” I resided in.  I am solitary and idiosyncratic and that has no doubt coloured my perceptions as much as the other part of my “autism fruit salad”.

Paul Isaacs 2017

 

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What is Achievement?

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Do you judge achievement by the vastness of comparisons or by the person cantered nature of what has been achieved? I have not married nor have I the desired to have children. I ask how is my life welling up with fullness and ethereal walkings amongst the populous of humanity? Because I am comfortable in the roads, paths and darkly forests that tread beneath my feet. I think “achievement” is not what, if or how it’s the reason and honest virtues behind them that make them special and worthy.

Paul Isaacs 2017


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“Doing” vs. “Being”

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“Doing” in its extreme form can consist of over-thinking, over worrying, over-analysing losing grounded functioning and not being pre-occupied with too many things at once denying at times what is right in front of you tentative steps to be taken in the overburdens mind that consist of unwanted thoughts that sometimes never let on to being silenced. I am sure that that wanting to be a “be-er” may consist of flattening thoughts.

“Being” in its extreme form can be pre-occupied with the moment feelings of floating, connection to the situation with yourself, having an inner world to eagerly retreat to that consists of many colours, patterns, shapes and shine being jolted into to “doing” and conscious thought may well be difficult but can be achieved.

None of these things are distraction or detraction of cognitive skills although quirky and paradox like presentations may resume.

Paul Isaacs 2017


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Autism -The Three Stages of Empowerment

Autism “Fruit Salads”(© Donna Williams 1995/2005/2014)

This is bottom to top analogy which implements all aspects of what could be in a person’s “autism fruit salad” to start off with the foundation is to understand the mechanics of what is within a person’s “autisms” (rather than autism). By looking at this we can separate it into these aspects.

  • Communication profile
  • Social-emotional profile
  • Emotional processing profile
  • Sensory Integration profile
  • Sensory Perceptual profile
  • Receptive Language profile
  • Expressive Language profile
  • Motor-coordination profile
  • Dietary profile
  • Auto-immune disorders profile
  • Learning styles profile
  • Personality types profile
  • Identity profile
  • Co-conditions profile

Interventions

These will be tailored to the specific needs of person’s profile/profiles looking holistically as well as professional for empowerment, guidance, social support, emotional support and/or any aspect of the person “autisms” that is within the mix. For example you could have someone who has exposure anxiety and dislikes direct confrontation and prefers an indirectly confrontational approach, is profoundly meaning deaf and aphasic. Think how you would build up that person’s profile and empower them?

An example

  • Gestural language
  • Aiding Mentalising by building up meaning and association
  • Being a follower not a leader or an expectant doer
  • Leave them wanting more and giving positive affirmations

Solutions

They will come in many forms as they marriage of each step relies on the one previous with regards to the “final step” this will be looking at what is working, aiding and empowering the person, their families, guardians etc. This could be put in an report or functional document for educational and professional services to have or it could be used as an information pack for friends and family the choice is yours.

Remember autism is not ONE THING it is a CLUSTERING of pre-existing conditions within one PERSON and that is the thing to realise that one person’s reality does not mean that is representational of all because that would mean a lot voices and realities would be left unheard it is time to change the landscape and starts with being open minded.

Paul Isaacs 2017


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To My Gramp – Gilbert Harpwood A Man Who Enjoyed Life

My Gramp Gilbert Harpwood was a man who enjoyed life to the full he was an avid gardener tending to his vegetables and flowers with relish and passion, eager to plant his seeds that would blossom each year such as his runner beans, cabbages and brussel sprouts they tasted lovely and as he said it is because they’re organic.

Gramp 1930s

He was fascinated by the weather noting and logging the rainfalls and temperature changes through the years in his little note book which he called his “diary” which he has many of and would be interesting to look back at what he noticed over the years.

His other main passion was football and he was an avid support of Oxford United all of his adult life going to the Manor Stadium and also Kassam, he made many friends there and made lots of fans around him laugh with his antics and child-like wit which came in the form of chants, laugher, heckling and being accompanied by his little teddy mascot called Messy which he put in his bag with his little head poking out. Gramp always liked to imagine he was watching the game too.

Gramp Oxfod United.JPG

My Gramp was a pragmatic, idiosyncratic, humorous and a largely misunderstood man he was caring, loving, helpful and affectionate in his own unique way to his family and close friends. He was a very guarded man and liked to keep himself to himself only opening up to people whom he felt comfortable with. I am grateful for knowing him and spending time with him listening to his stories of old, wisdom, humour, political views and so forth.

My Nan and Gramp had a wonderful relationship which last over 60 years during his passing she viewed him as her rock they had a deep love for each other which last a lifetime with treasured loyalty to his wife, both sharing precious moments such as marriages, births and anniversary celebrations. Gramp’s favourite time of the year was Christmas time in which he would like to play the jester eagerly taking part in jokes, enjoying the food, the TV programs and other festivities with the family.

He made firm contributions to village such as aiding the management of the roads around the area, letting the council know about filling in the pot holes and also taking a general interest in village life attending the meetings at the hut.

 

Nan & Gramp 50th Wedding Anniversary

He was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome a form of autism in 2011 at the age of 84 which in many ways surprised me that he was open enough to go to a diagnostic session and open up about his life with such candour and honesty, when the session was finished he concluded that is “why he was like he was”.  Reading books on the subject from the library.

Despite his cancer he carried on till the end a lover of life and person who wanted live and he will do in our hearts and minds forever if there is a cloud up the sky with a garden patch ready to be tended to I know my Gramp will be there ready to tend to it.

I love you Gramp and thank you. 🙂

Paul Isaacs 2017

 


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To Friends for Friends What is Happiness? :-)

Smile .jpg

 

 This is sage works, thoughts and feelings from social media when I said about doing a blog about “What is Happiness?” I am pleased with the diverse and really lovely responses. 🙂

  • being understood by people
  • Happiness is what you make of your life and live it to the whole without
  • Happiness is fleeting
  • Joy
  • Happiness for me is seeing my children happy – x
  • I think he’s writing in the broader sense x
  • Happiness is my aspergers. [13 year old] son making me a fan from parts he savaged from dead DVD / equipment and lego – powered by USB and a solar panel to help me with my [menopause] hot flushes.
  • Happiness is walking around with a clear head, able to observe and enjoy the surroundings without anxiety.
  • Or eating a different food 🙂 x
  • Still seeing my little one even though I’m away visiting my Mum who’s 300 miles away.
  • Seeing my amazing son grow from being an angry, confused boy who struggled with ‘the world’ into an ever growing confident , young man with so much to look forward to 💙
  • Happiness is my dog x
  • A fleeting feeling when things are going well. All the more potent when it arrives unexpectedly 😊
  • All of my children bring happiness to me. I am so proud of who they are. I am also happy when my baby makes progress.
  • Happiness is being relaxed, safe and challenged in an enjoyable way.
  • GBU
  • Happiness to me is enjoying the moment without stress or fear but feeling completely at one with the world and relaxed . Its a strong rich feeling making life feel good when you experience it. X
  • Happiness is making a genuine difference through collaborative and creative autism awareness workshops. Nobody wins unless everybody wins 🙂 Hope to see you at one of your future talks, Paul. Best Wishes
  • Happiness is our son being happy. (We only have one child) 😊
  • Doing something I enjoy doing!
  • For me, I think there are very different sorts of happiness. Perhaps the most intense is being aware that someone I love is happy; if it is because of me, that’s even better. Another is feeling that I have done a good job intellectually in some way and increased the sum total of human knowledge. Another is the great feeling of physical well-being that endorphins give you after you’ve been exercising. I climb whenever I can, partly because it is great fun in itself and partly because whatever stresses and anxieties are bugging my life, I feel great once I’ve worn myself out doing it. These are all very important to me.
  • Happiness happens when i’m alone. Its like my brain gets some high by being alone
  • Happiness is being fulfilled. I don’t think the pursuit of happiness is very helpful in itself but the pursuit of being fulfilled..? That’s a slightly different goal but changes entirely how you look at life!
  • Happiness to me isn’t a result of anything, despite its arrival often being influenced by certain things or thoughts or thoughts of things – it is the glowy thing, that glowy thing within, and when it glows inside me, it beams around my bodymask making everything else seem more glowy than usual, and it can be passed around and shared like a flowy magnetic glitter-ocean, though can also be snatched and disappeared at an instant by the click of the claws of a happy-snatching monster.
  • Happiness for me, is…
    As a mum: To see my children achieve even the smallest thing independently. For my boy with autism, especially, when he’s made an independent decision, and when he chooses to hug me and show love. For my NT girl, hearing her laugh big and loud with her friends; watching her dance and hearing her sing.
  • As a professional: Feeling productive and part of a process to produce something worthwhile. Being individual but within a team.
  • As an autism volunteer: When a parent tells me that they no longer feel alone; seeing parents’ reactions when their children reach out to another child or young person and socialise for the first time at Parents Talking Asperger’s.
  • As a friend: Being there for friends whatever in good times and bad.
  • As daughter: Just being with my beloved parents even for five minutes.
  • As a Christian: Learning to be what God wants me to be to serve him and help others. Thanks Paul.
  • to me happiness is knowing that I have the resources to deal with whatever comes up. Not much to ask hey? X
  • You can choose happiness no matter what is going on around you. Happiness isn’t just being content – God gives us the opportunity to see good in all by allowing happiness. But it is a choice.
  • I’ve come to realised that for me, happiness is acceptance of the journey. 😁
  • Easy company with the people I love who are wholly accepting of who I am. X
  • Sitting outside with family and friends during a breezy day. And having a bon fire at night.

Paul Isaacs and many contributors 2016


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The “Autistic Identity” Phenomena

When I was diagnosed was autism in 2010 – I wasn’t aware of such an “identity” because to honest I was never in that “world” at all. I often wonder that despite the obvious difficulties I had during my development and environment the one thing that I had going for me was the simple “human-hood” which was conveyed by the my parents as a way of connecting with me.

I don’t consider this perception from my parents to be “unique”, “specialised” or “autistic-specific” in its intentions nor in its thinking at the time (although it could have well be seen as that on reflection).

I wasn’t born with a “label”

In many of my blogs I have spoken about the balance of being seen as “human”, “person” and “being” first and as I have been in this “world” for over five years. I have seen the firm importance of seeing people as “people”, by not defining their whole “soul”, “identity”, “being” by their label (or labels) nor having it being overtly defined for them so there is nothing else left.

“Labels” are an adjective not an overall definition

If everybody was to be defined by solely by a “label” wouldn’t it be restrictive, suffocating and narrowing your bandwidth of experiences, perceptions, thoughts and feelings?

Not towing line meant I could see “myself”

I am glad that I haven’t towed the line into the realms of stereotypes, group think, confirmation bias and all the militancy that goes with it. I am glad that my parents after I was diagnosed said that I am still “Paul” regardless. I am glad that I see the importance of seeing somone as a person first. I am glad that I have other interests that take up my time productively such as drawing, poetry, walks in the countryside and meeting up with friends.

People are people regardless

I am free to think and feel and have a more refined outlook that I am firstly and thankfully not being the centre of the universe, not the big answer all  to the questions, not speaking for “all” (because no one can) and have a egalitarian view that all people are of equal worth in this world no more and certainly no less.

Paul Isaacs 2016