Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside

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Autism, Musings of a Faceblind and Object Blind Child

As I child the lack of visual and facial coherence meant that the visual world didn’t pry for the bonding and connective meanings that relied of multiple visual stimulus’, faces meant nothing and visual association was hollow, flat and soulless so I didn’t apply the connections of “me”, you” and “I”.

My first friend was “water” not the interpretive word but the emotional recoil that I gathered and like a friend it was there to give and take. I would see the puddles, flush the toilets and knew from them what would come. A timely wave of energy which was a akin to expectation as the water flowed the twinkles of spray in the surrounding area and the light shards bouncing off the sun in the morning.

“Bear” was used as a transitional object he was large, course and scratchy and would sit next to me in the car when my parents went out and about.

The Mirror in the bathroom and other places was a constant source of fascination it took me until 16 to released that “him” was “me” but I found it a comfort not to be alone.

On a pre-conscious level I was “sensing” and “tuning in” to an apart of myself which I wasn’t able to make the connection with in real time so it was slow process from infancy to mid-teenage hood. Having a level of aphasia, visual-verbal agnosias delayed the process but I am thankful to have given myself a “project” to work on and to bridge the gap between my world, the world and other peoples worlds.

This was a feeback loop in which I was finding other through self and self through other (the sense that the person in the mirror was “other”) this brought upon the slow bridging between my internal world of sensing to a level of intereptation.

Paul Isaacs 2018


Autism, Visual Agnosias, No Visual Memory & How I Navigate The World




Part of my Autism “Fruit Salad” I have Visual Agnosias and no visual memory this means I “experience” and “see” visual surroundings in a different way, it took me until 2010 to finally comprehend this.

So what could be seen by a person with Autism who have Visual Agnosias within their Autism “Fruit Salad?” Here is a list of tips.

Note I hope this helps others – remember all people on the autism spectrum are different and experience agnosias differently

1. Eye darting (looking out of the corner of the eye) using sensory compensation to understand their visual surroundings better.
2. Hand flapping in front of eyes could be to try to understand and “decode” what is in front of them.
3. Licking, Sniffing, Mouthing, Touching and Sculpting surroundings This could well be “sensory compensation” again to gain “semantics” of something they need to externalize and “feel” things to gain meaning connectivity.
4. Touching Faces, Sniffing Arms They may have severe Faceblindness and need to do this understand who you are.
5. Pacing, Running, Moving in rooms They may need to gauge the “dead space” in room by filling it with their own movements to gauge how large the room is where does it end etc, they not know it the same room until they have touched parts of for example.

Paul Autism 2014