Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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The Joy Of Happiness

 

Happiness Image 2018.jpg

Happiness is the value not of the behind nor forward but of those little things between that move in a constant.

Cherished things are found there which no worldly goods to buy, they have no thought, no intellectualism and sometimes no words but the feeling is very much at the forefront. A likeable wistful motion that is captured in the roaming snapshot of time.

A valued place that can have a thousand wordless words, a million bountiful experiences. Is wrong to like the shimmer on a rain dropped petal? A sparkle in the water, a popping colour amongst  muteness and a cheery sounding bird calling out to its friends.

Maybe if human beings talked more the moment we wouldn’t be drenched the atrocities of the past and uncertainties of the future. I loving world is not much to ask and it’s above all free.

Paul Isaacs 2018


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Living With A Mother With No Boundaries -My Father’s Ongoing Journey

I have a lot of respect for my Father who has along with my Mother given my the stability, autonomy to be “myself”.

Nanny Janet Black and White

“Nanny” Janet in Ireland as an Infant

My Father was born in London in 1961 during that time his Mother had fled from Ireland and moved to the capital working in in pubs and living in small one bedroom holding in the old style basement houses. He had a traumatic existence with attachment disordered, borderline mother who had no sense of right nor wrong, instilled pitiful boundaries and was abusive to him from an early age working in pubs late at night and bringing lovers home and would have sex in front of him.

She would have parties also which were not monitored leaving my Dad to the whim of two female paedophiles at the age of three years old. They two women were on the bed asking him to do things to them what an horrific situation to be in.

My Dad was kidnapped by his Father and taken back to his house in which his partner said “don’t expect any fucking special treatment here”, he was recovered and later move to Oxford city were he resided on an council estate.

Nanny Janet Photo 7His Mother continued her existence of money and drink in either order and showed next to no parental love to my Dad from both an emotional stand point and also a sense of stability as he grew this became more apparent, no emotional support, not getting him the correct clothes, changing his surname without prior permission calling him, emotional manipulation, emotional blackmail, to other residents in the estate and so forth. She projected martyrdom to the outside world and would say do Dad on more than one occasion “Peter, I done my best”. Clearly this wasn’t true.  His absent Father’s last words time was a phone call in the early 90’s  saying “I didn’t  love you anyway.”  At the very least he was honest.

His Mother re married to a man who clearly had the same ethos as her and made it very clear to Dad that he didn’t like nor wanted him in the house.

Mum and Dad Early 80s

Mum & Dad Early 1980’s

My Dad’s life changed in the when he met my Mother in a club in the 1980’s I think that not only changed his outlook on life but also, it took many years of pain, discomfort and self-awareness for my Dad to become the man he is today, he freely admits he has made many a mistake and has a positive attitude towards life  despite having a horrific upbringing with no love, care or sense of commitment.

Both my parents have giving me the gift of having a stable upbringing in the family home, giving me good foundations of boundaries, friendship, failure as normal and trying I am thankful for that and even more so knowing the history.

Paul Isaacs 2016


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Getting Back Together

Finding my feet on the ground is something that I feel has helped me in the long run, thinking the moment, feeling in the moment, trusting ones self, owning one’s faults, owns own autonomy and of course others, to be selfless. I have been grounded (or grounding in process) for well over a year and feel much better for it and it has giving me fresher my clearer perspectives on many different areas of my life and others.

Paul Isaacs 2016


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“You” Aren’t The Centre Of Everything – Being Connected With Others

To Be Giving

The over-invested ego is one that goes through life like the sun things are always revolving around them, no sharing, no giving, no connecting what a sad life that must to be consumed by your own self importance with no room to share anything with others – let go of the ego and live a life of meaningful and noble connectedness with others.

Paul Isaacs 2016


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Take A Break From “Autie-Land” & Regain Perspective of “You” & “Other”

SDC10045I have had a month off from the “autie-land” and I can say it has helped me very much with with perspective, with mindfulness, with balance and neutrality – the old saying about “I have found myself again” is something to strive for at least in me eyes. Being balanced means you can cope, adapt and manage things better in your life that means in essence you can be a more “functional person” this helps with both positive and negative things that happens in ones life this to me is very important in not only finding oneself but also connecting with others.

I have a strong belief that if one is on the “stage” one is not the centre of but one is “apart of” this that means everyone in principle is on a equal playing field even if at times it doesn’t feel like it (media, magazines, TV shows etc). However lets strive and make it a reality anyway. I have laughed more, procrastinated less, created more (drawings and poetry), walked more, enjoyed the company of good friends and people – I think that is telling me something right there. So if you are around people who are selfish, hollow, fake, lack empathy, are controlling and so forth how many chances do they need?

How many minutes, hours and years does one waste on this? This is something I have learned and lived in just over month when one is is balanced you “see more” as I have said I am person first and if we see people as “people” rather than “objects”, “things” and “labels” then maybe humanity would have a better chance of getting along. Strip the militancy and extremism out of it and have a better chance of ALL people being listened to.

Paul Isaacs 2015


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Up and Onwards – Finding Balance

THANK YOU

Thank you for all your comments and shares of my poems. I have decided not to over-invest in the autism “culture” or politics anymore.

I will STILL continue to blog, present speeches, present training and advocate about autism BUT in balanced & neutral manner (in terms of NOT over-investing content wise, politics and “culture” wise and invest in personal time and so forth) this means that I will mentally be in balanced place. I am human being and to all of you I say to parents and people on spectrum (The Whole Spectrum) you are people fiMe Toddlerrst. 🙂

I am a writer, poet and an artist I say those are things worthy of pursuing. 🙂

I have stated in my opinions and listened to others that is great . My view still is we are all human and can learn from each other and in the context of autism that still applies no one person is the same, no one person can speak for all, but one can talk about their reality and if it helps someone great and if it doesn’t? Well that’s great too we learn from others not just ourselves. 🙂

Paul Isaacs 2015


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Spirit Of The Wolf

Dad's Tatoo 20152My Father is a spirited person and is very positive and assertive in his outlook on life he is a very balanced individual and knows that having leukemia and graft vs host disease means to him everyday is a blessing, every moment is precious and making use of what you have have got (rather than what you haven’t) is so needed he wants no pity from others nor feels sorry for himself nor wallows in lament or self pity. It puts trivia in its place and makes me at least value the now.

Paul Isaacs

Adult With Autism 2015