Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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Autism Bucks Workshop – Coping With Death & Loss

This is the fifth workshop presentation is about autism and coping with death and loss.

Further Information & Reading

Autism, Emotions, Attachment and Borderline Personality Disorder

Language Of Death

Paul Isaacs 2021


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Identity & “Actual Self”

 

Care nothing about how you think you WANT to appear to others and more on how you really ARE to others.

This will then in turn mean you have depthful and loving interactions that are more meaningful and laced with openness of the heart and substance of the soul.💓

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Autism, Alexithymia, Dissociative Disorders & Trauma

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Note – This is from a personal perspective

Overview

In secondary school their was an isolated incident of sexual abuse which I was subjected to, this happened in the changing rooms and I have documented about how I had to get closure on this incident myself.

Alexithymia and dissociative reactions are two strategies that have been put forward as coping mechanisms to alleviate painful emotions. Adult studies reveal an association between alexithymia and dissociation. In line with the coping hypothesis, it was predicted that the relationship between alexithymia and dissociative tendencies would be partly mediated by current levels of stress and past traumatic experiences. Dissociation may also be related to enhanced fantasizing, although alexithymia has traditionally been associated with an incapacity to fantasize

Jennifer G. Schnellmann PhD, ELS 2005

Alexithymia has a common overlap with some people on the autism spectrum, in which the person has problems identifying, wording and extracting inner emotional states, having a language processing disorder no doubt hindered my ability to express (word finding and word losing), visual agnosias of varying kinds and degrees which hindered my to get gestalt perception and mentalise and thus extract the information and process it accordingly.

But imagine that as an autie you get tolerated in a mainstream school of bullying, exclusion etc…. so you try your butt off to pass as ‘non autistic’ or at least mirror others…. but on your own out comes your autie self… and over YEARS the ‘acting normal’ self becomes an ‘alter’ and has its own abilities, its preferences, its dislikes, the things its invested in, the things its disinterested in (like all the ‘autistic’ stuff… because it would attract more bullying, exclusion, etc)….

Donna Williams 2012

Dissociation Disorder & Repressed Memories

Coming to terms with my dissociation is to understand where it came from so here is the a list of events that interacted and caused dissociation and dissociative personas which then in tern effect the association of the “core self” which then in turn had an impact on my psychological and emotional development.

  • I was traumatised by children and teachers using functional speech and language at primary school because I could not keep up with it on an interpretive level (this wasn’t done on purpose nor was this anyone’s fault or intention).
  • I was put into adult situations at primary school with no advocate or caregiver present (teachers arranging meetings about “negative” behaviour prior and after functional speech so dissociation, personas and exposure anxiety were triggered).
  • Having body and pain agnosias meant without clothes on and/or pressure points meant I could detach and dissociate quicker.
  • Having prosopagnosia secondary to simultagnosia meant I bonded with the “person in the mirror” in toilets and washrooms.
  • Secondary school involved the use of three personas all with splintering personality types, learning and communication styles and “tasks” both motivational and/or otherwise to “protect” on a subconscious level the “core self”.
  • Only became self aware of being “different” at 16 and later was using word “autism/autistic” at 18, however lacked a self-awareness of my challenges to others and didn’t consciously change and/or suffer from avoidant and/or social anxiety/phobia.
  • PTSD in adulthood and repressed memories of sexual abuse came in later adulthood through nightmares and flashbacks in a distorted and fragmented fashion due to visual perceptual and language processing disorders.
  • Outlets for Alexithymia and emotional regulation came up more prominently in adulthood through art, poetry and creative writing and aided my ability to mentalise.
  • Being Mercurial and Idiosyncratic meant I could create novel, inventive and “odd” ways of distancing myself from emotional difficulties and pain.
  • Being in the “system of sensing” for far longer and still retaining aspects of it meant I valued the world and would sense the energies around me beyond their set interpretive “meaning”.

Accepting What “Brought me to the Dance”

I have no doubt that I have been coloured by my experiences, they mold people, influence, guide them, help them and sadly sometimes destroy them.

I have come to realise the value in experiences regardless of these being positive or negative I still learn from them.

They’re my teachers my reflectors and I refuse to live a half life in which my destiny is to be defined by things that were out of my control and contextual to the knowledge (or lack of) at the time.

Paul Isaacs 2020


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School Reunion & Moving On

Once I was told why don’t you go to school reunion’s? Having thought about this answer and the infinite amount of timely words I could plunder on this subject. I figured it would best to say never go back to the person you used to be you will only get lost again.

People change for all sorts of reason’s and those people who knew me time is about being the best version of yourself.

For those who bullied me who clad it with denial or detachment or the “phase of being a teenager” you probably needed a hug and listening ear more than I ever did.

Paul Isaacs 2019


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Asperger’s Syndrome and Autism? – Doing vs. Being?

When we some people look at Asperger’s Syndrome and Autism it can be used interchangeably as the “same thing” but a “different presentation” between the two. If we look a little (or a lot) deeper you can actually find that the differences lie in brain hemisphere dominance and neglect and all that comes with it.

Autistic’

Reliant on the mapping of pattern/theme/feel known as ’Sensing’, with intermittent use
of interpretative processing at the level of the literal
Mono tracked processing with moderate to severe information processing delay.
Indirectly Confrontational, self in relation to self

The struggle here is the use of switching between “being” and “doing” states this means that the person is going from a “sensing” state to an interpretive state.

Asperger’s’

Interpretative processing at the level of the literal intermittent processing
beyond the literal to the ’significant’,
Generally Mono tracked processing with mild information processing delay

Those with Exposure Anxiety are indirectly-confrontational and self in relation to
self. Others are able to manage directly confrontational other-initiated social
interaction but generally lack a simultaneous sense of self and other

The struggle here is the opposite the use switching between “doing” and “being” this means that although the person gets a level of “significance” they may get “stuck” in a state of over thinking.

Exposure Anxiety is one of the three faces of “Autism”
Notes from a presentation by Donna Williams
At Flinders University, Friday Jan 16th 2004

Autism Doesn’t Run On”One” System

There is not one “system” in autism and that is part of the larger issue, by promoting tired stereotypes and linear 2D presentations of “collective autism” in which the person is assumed to think, act, react and behave in the same manner is rather passe and potentially dangerous.

Looking deeper, being objective and opened minded to the varying presentations that both “Autism” and “Asperger” fruit salads supply as an adjective and a description can lead down to meaningful roads of empowerment.

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Paul Isaacs 2019


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The System Of “Sensing” – My Friend The Colour Red

Postbox 2017

Note this is from a personal perspective 

My Friend The Colour Red

I see you without knowing

You are shown with no wanting need

My evoked body halted and time is stood still

Static and moveless body with a kaleidoscopic brain

My dizzying heights stupor the as my eyes grow wider

A peeking smile peeped across the face of the moment

What stickly feeling that evoked with the a swirling eternal colour

The System of Sensing 1998 2007

Paul Isaacs 2017


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“Doing” vs. “Being”

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“Doing” in its extreme form can consist of over-thinking, over worrying, over-analysing losing grounded functioning and not being pre-occupied with too many things at once denying at times what is right in front of you tentative steps to be taken in the overburdens mind that consist of unwanted thoughts that sometimes never let on to being silenced. I am sure that that wanting to be a “be-er” may consist of flattening thoughts.

“Being” in its extreme form can be pre-occupied with the moment feelings of floating, connection to the situation with yourself, having an inner world to eagerly retreat to that consists of many colours, patterns, shapes and shine being jolted into to “doing” and conscious thought may well be difficult but can be achieved.

None of these things are distraction or detraction of cognitive skills although quirky and paradox like presentations may resume.

Paul Isaacs 2017


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Autism As A Describer Not a Definer – Combating “Label Lust” and “Overidentification”

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I have been an autism and advocate for over seven years I have seen many autism “fruit salads” in my time some people with auto-immune problems, other with complex mental health issues, others who see their autism as a curse, others who see their autism as special and unique, others who identify as their whole being as “autistic” others who don’t. I have seen militancy and anger towards people who go against old rhetoric who propose realism as opposed to glamorisation, people should allowed to give their own perspective from different angles, perspectives and offering multiple realities.

Differing Profiles

With all the the “pieces” I describe in my training sessions and/or presentations are “describing” words the reality for that person will differ from “piece to piece” however that “piece” will have its own name and describing it allows the people understand a fragment of it albeit from a personal and/or observational perspective. Its hard to get the balance right but it is worth it.

Definition vs Describing vs Identification

It isn’t defining people by the labels offered which is from an educational, resource perspective and even a self-reflective perspective. It is offering a window of what could be going on. I am not the speaker for all (never have been) but I put the questions out there.


Human Beings First

If we (as human beings) all defined ourselves by a set of labels it would be rather reductive and in reality a real shame. At the end of my sessions I offer a reality that despite the differing levels of “pieces” and/or disability they are not defined by their condition, they are human beings first like everyone else.

Paul Isaacs 2017


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Getting Back Together

Finding my feet on the ground is something that I feel has helped me in the long run, thinking the moment, feeling in the moment, trusting ones self, owning one’s faults, owns own autonomy and of course others, to be selfless. I have been grounded (or grounding in process) for well over a year and feel much better for it and it has giving me fresher my clearer perspectives on many different areas of my life and others.

Paul Isaacs 2016


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Think For A Moment? Could Life Be More Balanced?

What is life? But a matter of objective? subjective? Or maybe something more deeper? I wonder is life really meant to be complex? Or is that the way in which people perceive and react to one another that makes it so? Maybe barriers have blinded our minds to make quick thoughts about islands of people we live amongst? People don’t know people but are obliged to talk about them with deep motives, follow your heart not what you see on news or read in the newspaper.

Humans don’t need to be cynical, edged with tyranny. Yes we too profoundly hold dear idols in both statue and human form who confirm and are to do with such things look back in history, look to the now for is woven the future.

Paul Isaacs 2016