Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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Autism, Alexithymia, Body Disconnection, Mental Health & Loss

Tulips

 

Note – This is from a personal perspective

In short space of time two people dear to me had sadly passed away my Gramp Gilbert Harpwood and my friend Donna Williams (Polly Samuel).

I knew that because of alexithymia I would find this process lag and that I wouldn’t be “emotionally connected” straight away this led me to going day to day with no sort of emotional context at all despite showing on the surface seemingly “connective” emotions they were not connecting with me on the inside.

Alexithymia /ˌlɛksəˈθmiə/ is a personality construct characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions in the self.[1] The core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relating.[2

Expression Of Grief

After the month and half since my Gramp’s loss and not long after Polly’s I started getting pains in my arm, stabbing and throbbing like a vice was clamped on my left arm. I quickly ruled out tetanus (which is serious bacterial infection) this then progressed into neuropathic – like  pain which was shooting from my neck, jaw, arms, legs, feet and groin “settling” in places for minutes and hours with a “warm”, “tingling” feeling as it moved.

I know this based on having a family history of mood, compulsive and anxiety disorders many things came into place as well as somatisation disorder which is a pseudo pain diversion.

Anxiety and Somatic Disorder

Somatic symptom disorder occurs when a person feels extreme anxiety about physical symptoms such as pain or fatigue. The person has intense thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to the symptoms that interfere with daily life.

Anxiety Neuropathic-like Symptoms

Anxiety doesn’t actually create peripheral neuropathy. While anxiety and stress have been thrown around as possible issues that lead to neuropathy, peripheral neuropathy is about nerve damage, not nerve symptoms, and since anxiety is unlikely to cause nerve damage, it can’t technically be peripheral neuropathy.

Dermatillomania (skin picking disorder)

Dermatillomania may be a reflection of a mental health problem. Psychological and behavioural theories suggest that skin picking may be a way of relieving stress or anxiety.

A Dolly Mixture Of Mental Health Conditions

I  know that I have mixture of differing overlapping co-conditions going with my mood disorder being an understandable and normal reaction to grief, skin picking and impulse control disorder which has resulted in my hair being riddled with scabs which is my sub-concious at work, to having excess adrenaline  that is being “stuck” in my body from time to time.

Externalising To Process My Own Emotional States

The alexithymia and associated problems that go with such as body disconnectivty (body agnosias and hemiplegia)  leaving me detached from my own emotional states leaves me also waiting for the emotions to come at a frantic, unprocessed rate leaving me to pick up the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle. I have created my own strategies such as writing, poetry and art which help me externalise and thus connect with my own emotional states, thoughts and feelings.

Visual Perceptual Disorders and Mentalising

Another aspect is the visual perceptual disorders which includes simultagnosia (object blindness) assoicated with prosopagnosia (face blindness) and semantic agnosia (meaning blindness) which I have that means my memory isn’t “visual-assoicative ” and I have no “pictures” of “emotional association” so my “meta-reality” (which all people have) has to be externalised.

Remembering

I know that with the slow realisation of my internal states will aid me in the this journey which is a normal journey for human beings, remembering people fondly, the good times, the laughs, the smiles and interactions.

Paul Isaacs 2017


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Anxiety Disorders and Autism

Sound Asleep 2Autism And Anxiety? 

When one looks at “autism” and what is “autism” to say that anxiety is autism or autism is anxiety we do you mean by that? When we look at the clustering and overlapping issues that can make a human being anxious it is not exclusive to  autism that someone gets anxious, depressed, lonely, isolated, confused and at a loss. One’s reality should be taken as it is not as a false projection of what is should be.

Autism Doesn’t Have A Collective “Look”

This is why I get worried about the “autistic culture” movement stating what “is” and “isn’t” an “autistic reality” personally I would like to know what such a “reality” that is?

A Human Life? 

I certainly don not live an “autistic life”. I live a human life like everyone else on the planet these stereotypes are not only unhelpful but can cut-off people whom do not fit the status quo and if that is the case then that is just reverse bigotry.

What Is Behind The Behaviour? Is It More? 

When look at different aspects of anxiety based disorders one has to look at what they are in terms of presentation and if they overlap with something this could be for example certain personality types that are more driven by hyper-vigilance, obsessive-compulsive states or over-thinking/analysis.

CATASTROPHIZING
EXPOSURE ANXIETY
GENERALISED ANXIETY DISORDER
PANIC DISORDER
PHOBIAS
SEPARATION ANXIETY DISORDER
SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER
SOCIAL PHOBIA

TECHNOLOGY RELATED
GAMING ADDICTION
INTERNET ADDICTION DISORDER

OTHER
BEHAVIORAL ADDICTION
OCD
TOURETTES

(taken from “what is autism” donna william’/polly samuel’s blog page)

Lets look at facts not fads.

Paul Isaacs 2016