Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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Not Proud Nor Ashamed – Balanced About Being On The Autism Spectrum

Premature 1I Was Born A Human Being

I was born in 1986 and as far as I know I was born a human being just like the 7 billion other people on the this earth and of course I had my issues related to autism not being able to speak, not seeing the world as a coherent whole, faceblindness, receptive and expressive language disorders, oral apraxia, hemiplegia and list goes on. These thing are not “me” being face-blind isn’t me, being aphasic isn’t me and  being hemiplegic isn’t me either.

Autism A Describing Word

“Autism” is describing not defining for some people autism is a culture a place to be in and around a shared culture, however I do not believe that autism is a culture but has been created as such and maybe the question is who created culture? What rules apply? What rules don’t? What is “autistic”? What isn’t “autistic”?

I often wonder I feel however so more closer to being a human being then defining myself by one word which means different things to different people.

When I was formally diagnosed in 2010 with autism I was told by my parents that you are still “Paul” and this diagnosis only changes one thing that you aware of what difficulties you have had.

Autism Is Apart Of? Not The Defining Factor? 

I would agree with them and be understanding my autism and as clustering of differing conditions I was able to piece together my “autism” not as I saw fit but looking at deeply and introspectively enough to understand myself and hopefully empower others.

I know what autism is for me it is apart of not the defining factor I feel indifferent and balanced about what it means. I have done enough research and consultancy work to know that personality types, co-conditions, environmental factors, metabolic disorders, auto-immune disorderslearning types and communication styles,  will have an impact on the presentation of one’s “autism” so what does that mean?

  • Not one intervention works for all
  • Not all the issues are the same despite have a similar and/or same diagnosis
  • Not all people with autism have the same wants, needs, or desires
  • Not all people on the spectrum have the same communication profiles
  • Some people on the autism spectrum have auto-immune and metabolic issues which impact on functioning
  • Some people with autism have dietary disabilities which impact on learning and information processing 
  • Some people on the autism spectrum will have undiagnosed personality disorders and mental health co-conditions that keep being called “the autism” when they are not

I AM autistic but I HAVE immune deficiencies, I HAD cancer (apparently I can’t actually un-have it, its called remission) , I HAVE Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome… I also HAVE visual perceptual disorders, I HAVE language processing disorder, I HAVE mild learning disabilities.

I do not feel I AM these things, they are not ME, they walk alongside of me, often as parts of my autism, and whilst I AM autistic, just as I AM immune deficient, and I AM mildly learning disabled, Autism is not the sum total of who I am, it does not define my entire being or personhood, even if my personality traits are archetypally relatively ‘autistic’, I remain a person WITH autism… someone who HAS autism and, ok, IS autistic. The rest is war mongering militant separatist fascist crudola

– says Groucho
“PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER”.

Polly Samuel 2013

Overall autism is not the defining factor of my me. My personhood that will always shine first not because I am ashamed of my autism nor because I am not proud of it either I remain balanced in what that means it gives me clarity and sanity. I am a human being first.

Paul Isaacs 2017

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Nina Hagen – A Punk With Soul

Nina HagenOVERVIEW

Nina Hagen is surprisingly someone (being a fan of 80’s new wave and alternative music) I missed out on.. until now and of course I was hooked on her music as soon as I heard her, from the sharp and progressive musical arrangements to the odd, strange and wild idiosyncrasies both on stage and the amazing vocal range but nevertheless alluring and carved and interesting and one off discography and legacy in the punk/alternative music scene.

FRIENDLY ALTERNATIVE SINGLES 

  • My Way To be honest Hagen’s cover punches more creditability into the lyrics, mixing her amazing range (going here, there and everywhere within the venture of the song), a creepy synth intro and sung in both english and german in is a tour de force in originality.
  • Ziggy Stardust – I like Hagen’s take on this glam rock classic- her range is broader than Bowie’s and from the first perceiving and haunting intro to the waspish sting of her voice waving and meandering it has a epic quality to this she does (like with My Way) make this song her own.
  • African Reggae – Who would of thought that punk, rock, reggae and opera could go to together from the mix of range broadening palette her musical genre mashing and lavish musical arrangement to flowing the nature of the lyrics this is experimental music at it’s best.
  • Smack Jack – The ethereal whistling at the start to the punchy chorus and the lingering and overt message of someone who is in the hell of drug abuse the guttural rang of her voice as if she is talking to the person directly (as a male alter-ego). It comes across very much like spoken word single with the musical arrangement kept to a minimal (electronic bursts and guitar riffs) an important message to be held in this single.
  • Zarah – With an impressive opening that comes across like an old movie or sitting in a sold out opera house it has a dream-like quality then the smash, crazy riffs, quirky danceable electronic licks and the rolling of Nina’s Rs this single has the unique ability to be both upbeat and odd all rolled into one – for all the right reasons of course love is very much for everyone.
  • New York New York – A cool opening which comes across almost jazz like with a smattering of a repetitive beat then boom the night life of this famous city is given a take all of its own with a story on Nina going on her travels in the diverse night-life that has a epic quality and amazing over-the-top chorus that is operatic in tones and integrity is bone-tingling and danceable track indeed.
  • Universal Radio – A song in itself about being one’s self and not being embroiled in the negativity around you just want to be balanced? This may well be the song for you with a catching beat –  personally I prefer the 12inch Long play version of this as it emphasises the musical arrangement of synthesizer and beats and the high pitched melodic quality of Nina’s vocals.
  • Don’t Kill The Animals – w/ Lene Lovich –  What a message to be put on a vocal track if there ever was one with a punching beat, guitar riffs that are danceable and infectious Nina’s and Lene’s vocal ranges complement each other in this progressive song about animal welfare, experimentation and animals rights the context is simple, straight forward and hard hitting as is it’s message, how it is sung and how it is played.

Nina 2CONCLUSION

A one off in her own right (on how you look at it) indirectly and/or directly  paved a way for alternative music to be accessible to the public, with unique musical arrangements, depthful lyrics, integrity and humility she never got consumed by ego or greed but stayed true to herself and that is something she still lives by today – check her music out. 🙂

Paul Isaacs 2015

Zarah – (German Version)