Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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Anna Kennedy – Autism & Mental Health Workshop

Mental health issues effecting 70% on the spectrum… a far cry from the old days where if you had any moodanxietycompulsivedissociativeattachmentadjustmentemotional or behaviouralpersonality or identity disorders or psychosis you were trolled with you ‘couldn’t possibly ALSO be autistic’. Alternatively people without functional communication who also have mental health issues traditionally have had their mental health issues almost as standard fobbed off as ‘part of their autism’.

Donna Williams 2016

Mental Health Co-Conditions Covered In Workshop

Mood Disorders

  • Emotional Dysregulation
  • Bipolar Disorder
  • Cyclothymic Disorder
  • Dysthymia
  • Depression

Anxiety Disorders

  • OCD
  • Exposure Anxiety
  • Social Anxiety Disorder/Social Phobia
  • Panic Disorders
  • Separation Anxiety
  • Catastrophising

Psychosis

  • Hallucinations
  • Delusions
  • Substance Induced Psychosis
  • Schizophrenia
  • Schizoaffective/ Schizophreniform Disorder
  • Catastrophising – Psychosis Related

Impulse Control

  • Body Repetitive
  • Bruxism
  • Dermatophagia
  • Skin Picking
  • Nail Biting
  • Nose Picking
  • Hair Cutting/Hair Plucking
  • Self Injury Disorder

Attachment Disorders

  • Attachment Disorder
  • Reactive Attachment Disorder
  • Social Engagement

Dissociative Disorders

  • Autistic PTSD
  • Derealisation
  • Depersonalisation
  • PTSD
  • Dissociative Disorder NOS
  • Dissociative Identity Disorder

Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome and Aspinauts

What Helped Me? (Personal Perspective)

Paul Isaacs 2021


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Autism Bucks Workshop – Autism & Exposure Anxiety

This is the fourth workshop presentation is about autism and Exposure Anxiety – this overlaps with ODD, PDA, Reactive Attachment Disorder and Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder

Further Information & Reading

Autism & Exposure Anxiety Video By Donna Williams

Autism & Exposure Anxiety Blogs By Paul Isaacs

Paul Isaacs 2021


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The Problems With “Autistic Identity”& Stereotyped Perceptions

“Neurotypical” A Word Misused & Inaccurate?

There is no such thing as “neurotypical” in terms of a collective definition of people, viewpoints or principles.

It’s a word I never use as it seems to adorned a slur like status in projection. Bigotry is as such is not only based on stereotypes but I feel hinders more balanced narratives and objective dialogues and information sharing.

We Live In A Human World First Identities Come Second

This isn’t a “neurotypical” world either it is world full of different and sometimes conflicting ideas, notions and perceptions of “other” which then lead in extreme cases to towards conflicts in bias.

Autism Militant Projection & Distorted Narratives

Militant narratives burns more bridges than it claims to build, by having a narrow lense of how someone who isn’t on the autism spectrum acts, thinks, feels etc.

How does this build a platform for idea sharing, life sharing and forming healthy agreement and disagreement?

Non- Autistic Realities & Autistic Realities – All Human Beings Are Walking “Fruit Salads

There are different forms of non-autistic realities and some parts of those realities may be relatable to an “AUT-istic” experience such someone whom has faceblindness, object blindness or language processing disorder. In other words there are multi- faceted realities of being “non-autistic“.

For the AUT-ism is not a collective reality either, not everything is sensory, not everything is language processing, not everything is dyspraxia etc.

For these are potential facets of an AUT-istic experience but are separate and identifiable pieces in their own right, that can exist on their own terms and have different presentations.

The Problem With Identity- First Narrative

That is why Identity-First language is misleading because what “parts” one is choosing to relate may not be the “autism” (in their “fruit salads) anyway.

Paul 2020


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Autism Bucks Workshop – Autism As A Fruit Salad

This second workshop is an expansion of autisms using Donna William’s “fruit salad” analogy as the basis. I shall be adding links to expanding on some of the aspects which I spoke about.

Further Reading and Links

Autism & Social Emotional Agnosia

Autism & Alexithymia

Autism & Simultagnosia

Autism & Faceblindness

Autism & Auto-immune Disorders

Autism & Genetic Syndromes

Autism & Dietary Disabilities

Autism & Language Processing Disorders

Autism & Communication Disorders

Autism & Dyspraxia

Autism & Self and Other Integration & System of Sensing

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Living With Residual Exposure Anxiety

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Note this is from a personal perspective on Exposure Anxiety

I have written about Exposure Anxiety for many years, some people do not know they have this condition, some people they come out of it, for others they live in the invisible cage both in a prison and in sanctuary, hiding and residing in faux comfort and fear.

For some it is the involuntary compulsive, involuntary and self-protective responses that render the person sabotaging social situations when “self” has been aware of.

It’s pre-conscious act in which the person cannot control the nervous-system’s knee jerk reaction.

Although I still have a residual presentation of EA. I have come a long way, through self education, self awareness and self-advocacy. 😊👍

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Self-Awareness & Balance – How Invisible Foundations Impact On Self

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Failure are friends, mistakes are mountains climbed, errors are conversations of change

I have learnt the more grounded you are the journey to this frame of mindscapes becomes clearer and more opaque. Take ownership of yourself, your life, your autonomy.

Before people tell you who you are, think of who you are and assume you are, make sure you have a healthy foundation of self-awareness.

It helped me over the years deal and manage other people’s projection. A lot of people who project have low self confidence, self-esteem for a multitude of differing reasons, personality disorders, anxiety, mood, attachment and/or dissociative disorders.

Poor parental and environmental underpinnings can then cause a fracture sense of core beliefs which then in turn cause a dissonance between actual (perceived) and real self, not many know who they are and project what they think they should be. The  gnarled backbone of unhappiness.

So in many ways I feel empathy for people whom are angry at the world and at its perceived and very real misgivings.

However boundaries have to be out in place listen not always to the words but the patterns in which the words form. I have learnt that distance and cutting off is a very needed and that is fine.

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Autism, Understanding True Love & Mergence Of Actual Self

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Note – This is from a personal perspective

Make Compassionate Comparisons 

What I have learnt today is a great lesson in the fact the brain can only take in a certain amount of information at a time, people have a unfortunate tendency to put a hierarchy on trauma, that one is worse, one is this more and other is less.

The truth is that devalues both parties to being just about the subject of comparisons, emotional detachment and spawning a level of guilt that person’s own trauma reactions is not compatible bases on the notion of “being less” therefore an inappropriate expression or reaction.

I have never believed that one’s life experiences should traded for another’s based on how someone should feel, nor do I agree with a person monopolising an experience to their own ends. It devalues both the experiences and realities of the subjects at hand.

Trauma & Rationality 

I have recently met all my traumas as realities in their own right, the emotional and sexual abuse at school, the emotional and psychological abuse at placements of employment, the death of my Grandparents and the illnesses that have almost killed my parents. They are experiences but not definitions of my overall character.

I take the learned experience of taking autonomy, objectivity and emotionality of all these events, understood them, internalised them as I was always myself and never sought projection as a game worth playing. I would never change a thing in my life as it has tempered my spirit, served valued lessons and kept me humble.

Detached Surface Responses

Superficiality it is like being presented a cake and realising beyond the icing there is nothing more than air underneath. I refused to play the ritualistic notion of “being a victim” as yet again it is a detachment from self not a synthesis of of the latter. False identity is just if not more taxing than not knowing who you are at all. Self respect is needed.

Self love is not selfishness, nor is empathy about other always putting your needs first, then a person must treat into the middle in which care for others and yourself should be of equal beauty.

Autism, Personhood & Identity 

With regards to my autism, I personally have never seen it as all of “me”, it is not omnipresent and nor would it make sense for it to be so. I say this not out of shame but out of balance.

So many other aspects of my life being woven into the interlinking quilt of personhood that makes “Paul” let’s at least see people being defined by more than one word.

Paul Isaacs 2020


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The Currency Of Being An Individual?

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Mental Health & Lockdown

I suppose times are hard at these moments and one needs time to reflect upon the differing aspects of life, love and true connection.

Admiration, inspiration is not love or connection it is looking at someone from a far, human beings have learnt to live (through the western world) to project how they expect or are told to be feeling, thinking and acting and not connecting with how they are truly are from the inside.

Education & Learning

The education system is broken and needs to change goes beyond logistics,ethics timetables and class structure it is how children are taught, respected and listened to.

That has to be held to account. I have always seen children as “little people” meaning they are of equal valour and should not be patronised but seen on a level that embraces and acknowledges them as human beings.

When one is a teenager you are expected to be an “adult” which is a subjective phrase to you to use because biologically and chronologically a person isn’t anyway, emotions are not explored in a way which is not attuned to the individual.

A person at the very least in a structured educational environment should be given the opportunity to have a healthy relationship with them, to understand, process them and to explore them without fear of judgement or the vices of division.

Practically of life is one thing but love for a fellow human being is not. Why? Humans are not cookie cutter pre-molded mind-scapes or sausage laden meat blobs of sameness.

In an egalitarian framework we in practice could acknowledge all people’s realities, inner worlds and perceptions of equal and balanced valour with everyone else.

Mental Health & The Culture Of “Fame”

Is that why our mental health system is clogged full of people feeling unfurnished? Unsettled? and inferior? Is it to do with the trans-generational and false concept of emotions that is being passed down on to the next? Is societies currency of fame, money and the material and external as basis of “success” damaging and warping young mindsets into a journey not of self discovery but same discovery. This is worthy of reflecting upon not in a overly logical or intellectual sense but an internal one.

Connected Reasons For Actions & Choices

How many people are there in the world that do things only to oblige? All the time? That do things upon themselves because they have to keep up with the Jones? Like it has has been pre- written that this time and thus this moment they must be thinking, feeling, acting and doing like pre-programmed machine people to make friends on this level, have sexual intercourse on this level, marry on this level and have children on this level.

Now its not these life choices that I am bringing into to question, its the level of connectness with the ACT of doing these things on an emotional level that I am questioning. Never do things because you are shoe-horned under false pretences.

You do not got to a party as someone else for everyone would love and adorn under the falsehood of projecting, knowing full well that if you went as a real human being you would shunned at the doorstep.

Self Love Isn’t Selfishness

Unhappiness is sometimes a person who’s good character has been polarised, a person who has been made to feel expendable and exchangeable and this all comes down to what a person feels connection is. True connection is having a level of self-love and self-care but not at the expense of another persons reality.

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Conspiracy Theorists, Mental Illness & Fear Mongering

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Trauma, Projection & Confirmation Bias

A heartfelt and honest account of someone who turned to conspiracy theories during a traumatic time in her life.I have a lot of respect for this person opening up about the road that lead her to this and the rationale that got her out of it.

Things do not always happen for a reason, things just happen with not logic, build-up or frequency. She has come to the same conclusion albeit through very trying and emotionally difficult circumstances.

“Today, when I look at social media, sure, I see a few people sharing Covid-19 conspiracy theories, but what I see more of is people creating feelings of control and peace in more functional ways: sewing masks, helping neighbors get food, scheduling Zoom happy hours, gardening, and expressing gratitude for health care workers. These actions signal a healthier approach to chaos and trauma — not one anchored in either anger or fear but rooted in presence and gratitude, and echoing a profound tolerance for ambiguity.”

I was a conspiracy theorist, too

Fantasy Projection, Information Induced-Psychosis & Narcissistic Supply  

Do not base the world’s problems on fantasy, Cabals, Paedophilia, Satanism, Illuminati, New World Order are all bullshit bingo and rhetorics. It is human beings which are corrupt because we have opened up avenues to do so.

Human Psychopathy Is The Problem 

Psychopaths are more more likely to operate in self interest rather than for other people. This is the problem with conspiracy theories is they divert attention with warped misinformation. People need to be held account and it’s the politicians and even partly the science and medical advisers who need to watch their tongues when speaking to the public

Stop down playing death rates and contradicting the validity of death rates in other countries, it you that compare them. Make apologises for gross ethical negligence on a national scale. This has happened for one simple reason greed, money over life, profit over people. That is when the system of ego is allowed to run wild. When a psychopath gets put in places of power and influence then they become dangerous.

So what can be done about this? Changing the system, changing the infrastructure of education, healthcare, politics and validation of the empathy and social binding.We need kindly and empathic people in places of power and responsibility not the people we have currently. I am so pleased I do not understand the complex workings of politics it saves me from the bullshit bingo supplied on a daily basis.

Paul Isaacs 2020


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Autism, Information Processing and Coronavirus

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Note – This is from a personal perspective 

Alexithymia & Emotional Processing 

Not knowing one’s own emotional states means that I struggle to connect my conscious and unconscious mind, incoming information doesn’t filter into a connected thought, feeling and inner response which is marrying up with my inner states.

Visual Perceptual Disorders, Aphantasia & Mentalising 

Aphantasia is a condition where one does not possess a functioning mind’s eye and cannot voluntarily visualize imagery.[1] The phenomenon was first described by Francis Galton in 1880[2] but has since remained largely unstudied. Interest in the phenomenon renewed after the publication of a study in 2015 conducted by a team led by Professor Adam Zeman of the University of Exeter,[3] which also coined the term aphantasia.[4] Research on the condition is still scarce.[5][6]

Visual learning is the most common form of accessing the information around you, I cannot  retrieve visual information and I do not have a “visual mind’s eye” this is called aphantasia. The aspects that I struggle with are visual fragmentation and simultagnosia (object blindness) and a residual level of semantic agnosia (meaning blindness). So watching the news and making visual-verbal connections takes time for me to access and apply meaning with my system which is largely kinesthetic in nature.

Tactile – Associative Synesthesia & Building Frameworks

There are many different types of synesthesia, but they may be categorized as falling into one of two groups: associative synesthesia and projective synesthesia. An associate feels a connection between a stimulus and a sense, while a projector actually sees, hears, feels, smells, or tastes a stimulation. For example, an associator might hear a violin and strongly associate it with the color blue, while a projector might hear a violin and see the color blue projected in space as if it were a physical object.

The way in which I build up frameworks is always on an emotive level I am unaware of my feelings from moment to moment, so I have to EXTERNALISE unconsciously in to text which can be creative in content, emotive and introspective and/or art work which can be abstract an metaphorical in representation. I am not a literal, logical processor of information and I do not have social emotional agnosia  that comes from disconnection of right hemisphere. So INTERNALISATION  comes from the marriage creative process as opposed to overtly factual and linear ones.

Aphasia & Language Processing 

Currently I am around 30 percent meaning deaf which means I can take in large amounts of information for a a short period of time, however I may begin to be flooded with a vast a array of language in which my mind cannot keep up with, it becomes distorted and slowly meaningless, so managing my time and input is crucial.

Conclusion

It is best for people to understand their own autism “fruit salad” and what works for them during times of great uncertainty and distress, build up a level of self-awareness or have someone around you that healthily acknowledges your challenges but still retains the autonomy and respect of seeing you as person.

Paul Isaacs 2020