Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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I Am Glad I Got Bullied And Here’s Why

Me Holding Something 1

Note this is from a personal perspective 

I was speaking with two friends this evening and the subject of school-life came up it was an interesting exercise in subjectivity, objectivity and personal experiences shaping people’s lives but not defining them as we all move on.

My friend respectfully and realistically pointed out the fact that when students are at school (regardless of disability or otherwise) they are on their own unique journeys and difficulties can arise from all sorts of areas which have an impact of self-esteem, confidence and the ability to thrive on a functional level.

Enviroment vs. Social-Emotional Development

I was diagnosed late after my mainstream education had finished the best foundation for “social” I was given was through my tenure in education. It gave me the ability to cope with stressful situations, integrate and overall gave me the invaluable skills of living a “human life” rather than a “autistic life”. I was around people and my disability was not being flag waved to the point where I lost myself and was only defined by one single factor.

Is Bullying/Psychopathy Normal in Educational Settings?

I was surrounded by people who used interpretive speech. I still find this mode of speaking difficult and it is something I have aqquired a long the way in the context of school yes that was true. I cannot deny the verbal and at times physical abuse I encountered at school by other students on a daily basis as ‘normal‘ as their conscious psychothapy and narcissism was allowed run free regardless of the emotional damage that ensued.

Yes it is subjective and many of the students that bullied were emotionally insucure however being so doesn’t give you a free ticket to do it to others, however they did. I see this as a learning curve and lessons in life and I am thankful to learn from the shit and make sculptures out of it. 🙂

They may have changed which is great, found families, bared children etc I wish them well on their journeys.

Human Journeys

We (as people) are all on our journeys and bullying and victimisation was part of my experience however many others have been in the similar situations and I refuse to define my present situation by the past experiences. I am indifferent and objective about my past it happened and I am done with the “what could have beens” and “what ifs” I am thankful for my overall experience I would not have had it any other way.

I consider my reality no better or worse than any others, I don’t consider myself “special”, “better” and/or “superior” to anyone else. Affirmation has to be contextual and real not dished out like candy with hollow self-praise. There are too many people in the western world who just want their cake and to eat it all if only it was to shared out a bit more so other people’s realities could be shared and equally acknowledged with the sub-test of mine is better/worse than yours.

Tides of Glory 

I strayed and came about

Eager to scream and longing to shout

I have travelled a life which has been painted

I refuse to see my deepest memories as tainted

Come up and down and my thoughts fleeting around

I pick my body and ground my mind with the comfort of sound

A cloud full memories embraced and feetful of walking to be chased

A human being am I no better nor worse living a madless time at even pace

Paul Isaacs 2017

 

 


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Ending Racism – The Illogical Perception That Hating Others Is “Right” It Isn’t

Why?

I often wondering why some would hate someone for such reasons? – How someone gets to the point of were they hate someone so much that they feel the immoral validation to take peoples lives just to “prove a point” or to “send a message” this sort of mentality not only needs to be challenged but also be challenged to  why someone would have such a perception in the first place. It is simply wrong.

Hate Does Nothing

Hate has never caused any solutions nor solved any problems but by ending hate that will have many positive outcomes for all people, equalism, opportunities, positive validation (being listen too and acknowledged as person) and communities coming together. 🙂

STAYWOKE – Together, we will END racism and police violence in America. Get involved. #StayWoke

Paul Isaacs 2015


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What I Have Observed In The Autism World – It Needs To Change

THE BEGINNING

Author ImageI was diagnosed with Autism in 2010 at the age of 24 years old that same year I started a new career venture as a public speaker and later a trainer and consultant. After the diagnosis as my parents and I were walking towards car my Mum gently directed and reaffirmed to me that I was person first and both she and my Dad had always seen me (and would continue to do so) as “Paul”.

CULTURE SHOCK- PART 1

In my own naivety I was unaware that autism had a pre-existing “culture” that was in place I was slowly being introduced to words that I wasn’t either comfortable with or didn’t understand their significance in the ways of the world. To me in 2011 is where these internalised struggles started people were in directly and later directly saying that autism defines every part of them, what they do how they think and feel. I wanted to know the mechanics of my autism to empower others that was all. I also was on   a quest for my sense of personhood that I valued and still do first and foremost.

AUTISM ISN’T “ONE THING”

Over the many years as a speaker, trainer and consultant it is only fair that Autism should  not be seen as a mass of traits that  affect the people who are diagnosed in the same way but as clustering of pre- existing elements that create one’s own unique profile. In 2010 I was introduced to Donna Williams’ Fruit Salad model of Autism which has helped understand the mechanics of me but a clear and firm realisation that seeing myself as a person first isn’t a negative thing but a positive thing.

CULTURE SHOCK- PART 2

As an advocate on the Autism spectrum I feel I have a personal and professional responsibility to not project the tired stereotypes and that the only perspective I can speak from is my own. Sadly, what I have seen is a very negative side of this culture which includes “neurotypical” being used as reversed prejudiced attack – I dislike this word as it creates more barriers and in my view isn’t the correct word to use. I have witnessed “them” and “us” language, separatism, militancy, bullying, death threats and character assassinations.

This in the last two years has been a real concern for me regardless of if you are on the spectrum or not this is no excuse for such behaviours. We should all learn to respect each other’s views regardless of disagreement. Personally I don’t see Autism as culture but as a disability where  a culture has been built around it. It is a set of ideas.

MENTAL HEALTH – A PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE 

Because of these issues and others this has taken a toll on my mental health I have seen to much and it has made me question a lot things over the last year or so. I lost myself through over investment and low self-esteem and self worth. This is partly because my views were not seen on par with the status quo and partly the way in which I was told either through silence or attacks, I know I am worth more.

EQUALISM

I worry about the people on the autism spectrum who are functionally non-verbal, those who have autism with a learning disability and  parents and guardians are not getting their voices, opinions and realities heard and acknowledged.

Everyone is equal so therefore realities are equal (even if in reality it doesn’t happen) so if that is the case then the whole spectrum should be included? Surely?

PERSONHOOD FIRST? WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?

I was born a person and I will not shackled into thinking  that every aspect of me is my autism – for the reasons stated above I am going to explore other ventures such as art, poetry, fashion and so forth.

I am still an advocate, I will present speeches, present training, write and blog but with a different mindset to the world which I was eagerly presented to. I shall not miss this aspect of it – it is damaging and misleading and in my opinion needs to change before others get treated the same way.

Beyond The Label (Pastures Green)

Ever the thoughtless fable to define someone by a label
To glamourise or demonise is the answer listen to your call
Can you really speak for all? A court Jestor or fool?
Beyond the label is before loving the person for themselves
Out of the confines you shed a smile. It has been a while?

I look at the rolling fields and trees, the splender of the grass
The waving flowers and the earth, watching the world pass
The plodding dog eager to please, always up for a tease
I have no regrets my body is fluid it doesn’t stall to freeze
I sup on tea and live in moment -I want to please.

Paul Isaacs Adult with Autism 2015


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In The Autism World It Is Always Best To Remember You Are A Person

Paul Big LegsI Am Sorry But I Must Say Something

The “culture” I was told that would support me
It doesn’t it has brought me sadness, it has made me shackled
It has not “set me free” I want to live a simple life
Where people are equal for that very reason with strife

Arguments a plunder my heart sinks and my nerves crack like thunder
As I feel my self esteem pulled down into the depths of the under
I ponder to myself what is it all about? Can’t people get along
Not one scream and not one shout, echoes all about

No more I say – I have given it my all I can be the person I was
His name was “Paul” and that is the some of it all
Hold hands and hearts and rejoice for we are not all one voice
But many are unsung, drowned out and ignored not the people’s choice

My heart fills with sunshine when I know that being here is no plight
Real friends and family give me my real joy, no more fights
A family member told me tenderly remember who you are that set me free
An onward path of freedom, hope and reflective clarity

Conclusion 

Thank you to you all I have decided not to over-invest in the autism “culture” or politics anymore. I have stated my opinions and listened to others that is great . My view still is we are all human and can learn from each other and in the context of autism that still applies no one person is the same, no one person can speak for all, but one can talk about their reality and if it helps someone great and if it something you cannot relate too or don’t experiences equally great. 🙂

Paul Isaacs Adult With Autism 2015


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Spirit Of The Wolf

Dad's Tatoo 20152My Father is a spirited person and is very positive and assertive in his outlook on life he is a very balanced individual and knows that having leukemia and graft vs host disease means to him everyday is a blessing, every moment is precious and making use of what you have have got (rather than what you haven’t) is so needed he wants no pity from others nor feels sorry for himself nor wallows in lament or self pity. It puts trivia in its place and makes me at least value the now.

Paul Isaacs

Adult With Autism 2015


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In The End We Are All Human

Emperor_RotJ

The Emperor – A Symbol Of Narcissism

We Are All Human

One should never claim ownership other another – what binds us is that we are all human (we all have realities that are of equal worth and importance) – to strive is to help not hate, nurture not damage, build up not break-down, live free not be shackled by your own thinking and forced into another ways thinking – I wish we could all respect each other much more the world would be a much kinder place.

Why the video? This video to me states many things – narcissism, narcissistic object (the emperor sees both Vader and Luke as “tools”), social and symbolical manipulation, sociopathy and psychopathy and this sort of behaviour that causes relationships to break down, mental illness and isolation. Remember one thing we are are all human and that we are all equal none are above to many man-made barriers are made “them and us”, prejudice, reverse prejudice and so forth lets start off on a clean slate of being all equal and acknowledging all realities.

The Emperor – Star Wars 

The Narcissist Will In End Only Think Of Him/Herself

The narcissist internalizes these pliable representations, manipulates them, and interacts with them – not with the originals. The narcissist is entirely immersed in his world, talking to these “figurines”, arguing with these substitutes, contracting with these surrogates, being admired by them.

Hence his dismay when confronted with real people, their needs, feelings, preferences, and choices.

From “The Narcissist’s Object Constancy” By Dr Sam Vakin 

Egalitarianism 

I believe everyone is equal that means that no one is above anyone else in any context.

Paul Isaacs

Adult With Autism 2015


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What A World Before “Typical” Interpretation Means To Me

Note – This is from a personal and developmental perspective 

I have been writing for many many months now about my personhood and my developmental disability and how they interact – interjecting, unraveling and pin-pointing different aspects of it hopefully helping anybody who connects with it. I world before meaning lets start with that.

Sensory ExplorerWhat Is Meaning?

Visual, Language Processing & Auditory Information

That means for me when sounds what ever they are (words or in the environment) have limited and/or no origin and the origins are not there in an instant nor is the the association so it has to be found in a different way.

For me things have to be touched in order to have meaning (my visual field is far too fragmented to get make that sort of instant connection) experienced through tactile association. Information and words have to be brought to life through gesture, elevated and exaggerated tone, movement and objects of reference like sculpting a piece of art giving meaning and connectivity.

They Way I Process

I don’t live in a world of logic, practical semantics or pragmatics nor do I work out the world that way. I create but I don’t have a vast cognitive landscape things for me have to be more refined.  My emotions come more through my movements more than my words (although I can use both poetry to extract) I like things that don’t require any complicated reasoning or explanation.

Sensory Explorer 2Such as 

  • The roughness of bark
  • The texture of moss
  • The feeling of swimming colours
  • The movement of the water
  • Sounds and words that don’t have an origin but sound and feel nice
  • Sculpting faces
  • Patterning movements

Autism & Asperger’s Profiles

I have Autism and knowing to difference between an Autism profile and a Asperger’s is needed in order to understand the mechanics but never over invest or over define a person by their condition always remember personhood is something people all share. If people keep thinking and educating that autism has one profile, one look and one method of using interventions then we need to listen and be more inclusive. 🙂

Paul Isaacs Adult with Autism 2014