Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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Androgyny & Male Feminity

Gender conforms nothing to me since my teens I knew I was effeminate and what sort of bigitory around chasms of narrow passed down thoughts that being “feminine” is some how the negative “ying” to the positive “yang” of being “a man” in the context of denying your own weeping tear ducts and inner feeling states.

I am probably more happy now that I can have a matured head on my shoulders that I can take the assured nature of experience and use it now.

Paul Isaacs 2019


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Atypical Features & Androgyny

I have atypical eyelids, shaped eyebrows, a crooked mouth and nasal bridge however people have told me either I look like a woman and/or have features of a woman for which I am flattered by their optical observations of my variants of my somewhat fruitful and irregular visage.

Androgny can be a look as much as an attitude a timely peek into someone who is a mixture of masculine and feminine.

I am not perfect and that is what should be cherished a feeling of unshackled non-perfection I find solace and tempered grounding beneath my limbs in these thoughts and I can smile freely. ūüėä

Paul Isaacs 2018.


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Ending Racism – The Illogical Perception That Hating Others Is “Right” It Isn’t

Why?

I often wondering why some would hate someone for such reasons? – How someone gets to the point of were they hate someone so much that they feel the immoral validation to take peoples lives just to “prove a point” or to “send a message” this sort of mentality not only needs to be challenged but also be challenged to ¬†why someone would have such a perception in the first place. It is simply wrong.

Hate Does Nothing

Hate has never caused any solutions nor solved any problems but by ending hate that will have many positive outcomes for all people, equalism, opportunities, positive validation (being listen too and acknowledged as person) and communities coming together. ūüôā

STAYWOKE –¬†Together, we will END racism and police violence in America.¬†Get involved. #StayWoke

Paul Isaacs 2015


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Autism & What About Humanity? And Connectivity?

Family Christmas Early 90s

Dad, Gramp & Me Just “Being”

Autism it just “is” when I go out in the world the biggest thing for me is to be apart of humanity, people, beings – so when I go down the street what do you “see” and what do.

I “see” – “Autism” is a name for a clustering of pre-existing conditions which I have which for me are (PERCEPTUAL, LANGUAGE EXPRESSION, AUDITORY, LANGUAGE RECEPTION, BRAIN INJURY, MOVEMENT, COGNITION) this is PERSONAL to me but they affect how I process things/understand things – they do not define my TOTALITY nor are they “ME” I am artistic, idiosyncratic, emotive, emotional, creative, solitary, serious, funny, silly etc those things are what is called shared things with other people (regardless of any disability or not).

Autism is something I am neither proud or nor ashamed of it just “is” I was born a person so I would rather people see me as a person (as everyone else should be) not to be swept up by stereotypes, or militancy or “them” and “us” perceptions, but be seen as person. I am not a an “object” to be observed nor am I a “genius” to be revered – so if we look at being balanced about things then we open up more doors then close them. I am no “better” nor “worse”. We (as human beings) are all equal.¬†

Paul Isaacs 2015


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“Autism” – It Is Different For Everybody

“Autism” what is it?

Fruit Salad Analogy Copyright D.Williams

Fruit Salad Analogy Copyright D.Williams

Autism is word for a clustering of different co-conditions that come together to create the “presentation” and therefore when one uses the word “Autism”¬†it should be specific it what that means for the person themselves and what the “mechanics” are no one is the same so why should one condition mean that everybody has the same viewpoints? Profiles? Processing issues? and outlook – realities and perceptions.

Stereotypes – Are They Damaging?

If a “one size fits all” perception of autism then yes – it will affect outlooks, mental health, interventions, motivations, opinions (created and/or forced) not all people on the autism spectrum are logical, literal thinkers/processors, not all are visual thinkers/processors and everyone on the spectrum has their own unique wants, needs and aspirations it not about setting someone up for a fall or failing to recognise a person because they don’t “fit in”.

Lines Culture or Created Culture?

Anybody can create a culture it can start off with an ideal and/or ethos that then becomes reality – I don’t believe that autism is a different culture and never have done. What I do see is a culture being created around autism.¬†Which is a different thing altogether.I am all ¬†and firmly for equality, humanity, humility and happiness. And for people on the spectrum (like everyone else in the world) to have an equal shot at life and have opportunities.

What I am not for is false prophets, venomous politics, ¬†militancy (from culturists and curists) – I prefer to be neutral and through that you can see both sides in balances democratic manner, selfishness and so forth all voices have a right to heard, acknowledged and recognised – disagreement is fine but at what point does one go too far? I have made this point in previous blogs that I think that the autism world will eventually implode on itself and how many people on and off the spectrum suffer as result? Just because they didn’t “tow the line” or “say the right things” Will it be just the same sycophancy? Or will all (people on and off the spectrum’s) view’s be heard? I wonder? Let’s stop the man-made barriers and start listening to ALL peoples views.

I am not angry but I am upset – not really for me but for the others who will be affected.

Paul Isaacs 2015


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Autism – Visual Perception, Language, “Self” & “Other” & Connecting

Note – This is from a personal perspective of how autism affects me

Wedding Photos 19861CONNECTING WITH PARENTS

In the early years I remember my parents by parts their being, my Mum would be through the feel of her hair and my Dad through sculpting his face and getting a sense of connectivity through tactile stimulus – the system of “sensing” and “energy” that filled the house was care and love.

FAMILY PETS

We had a dog and that was my first experiences of having an animal I liked him very much and could us me tactile system to “piece together all the dots” through stroking him, in affect he was as much “family” as a had through the lenses of my “parents” the energy was good and safe on both counts I didn’t need to understand why? internalise? It just was at in this point of my development that was fine. I knew they loved me but it was “sensing the love” and that was shown back.

Quinn and I

AWARENESS OF OTHER PEOPLE

Today I was asked when I was aware of other people – I had to think about this it was at school in Year 4 that on basic level I was aware of others this may have been due to gaining functional speech (that was developmentally of a 3 year old) and the connects I was trying to make in a body that was just about obeying my commands, a mind swilling with words but finding it hard to grasp them like sand through my fingers or as ethereal as trying to connect touch-wise with a ghost and endless mirage of sounds, hums and tones which I struggled to into words – living before the literal can be just as much a confusing place as being (language wise) a literal person

A SENSE OF “SELF AND OTHER”

Developmentally from a receptive language perspective am stuck in projecting “self” or “receiving”¬†other, but ( struggle still in real-time to have a conversation in the moment, before I gained functional speech I had “patterned” and/or “sensing” speech/language creating my own words for feelings and I also used to sense “good” and “bad” energy this was living in world before the literal and/or significant. I still use this system today despite being able to speak verbally. A “sense of self” is a complex thing I have garnered the basics a few years ago which to me is good. I still can “tune out” but I hope to get there we are all on a journey. ūüôā

Paul Isaacs 2015


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Healthy Boundaries, Healthy Relationships, Empathy And Not Treating Others As “Objects”

SAM_0739The Importance Of Healthy Boundaries 

Healthy boundaries are so important for all types of relationships when boundaries are pointed out is good for both parties if autonomy is taken away (for what ever reason) can have negative affect on someone’s self-worth and mental health.

In context of people who have negative personality extremes such as

or other associated personality disorders.

Being Balanced & My Journey With Borderline PD

A journey to building up a sense of “self” (because of developmental and personality types/traits) has been very important to me as I am nearing 30 I kind of know what sort of energy is “balanced” with regards to people and friends and when people are crossing boundaries and learning when I am doing the same.

Autism & Borderline Personality Disorder 

This is a link to my website on how this affected me in the late 2000’s and how it can make you feel this is why a value positive and constructive direction not giving too much but at the same time not receiving too much either. This was a tough time in my life but I am glad I go through it a learned a lot from it also. ūüôā

Workplace 2007 & Mental Breakdown

I felt worthless at this point due to persistent difficulties in the workplace It was my first place of employment  so I took it out on myself. There seems to by other types of Borderline PD which includes social manipulation, lying and game playing. None I which I did nor do 

What happened to me was an implosion and psychotic breakdown due to environmental stress and workplace bullying.

Autism & Personality Disorders РCoexistence? 

Autism is part of someone’s developmental trajectory- it is diverse and unique in it’s presentations but all human beings also have unique personality traits and types which develop as well.

In the context of autism personality traits/types and styles are just as relevant and if you take my examples above you can see a “normal” personalty type pushed into the “disordered”¬†extreme. On top of that my autism comes into play too in terms of the processing information, language, visuals, “self” and “other” and all the other aspects of my “fruit salad”.

Kindness – I like to help others I but there has be personal boundaries. which is thinking of the person in question good intentions come from the right place with me but what I have learned is about volume and negative intensity. I think about other peoples feelings a lot.

Mercurial Personality Type¬† – This is the “Normal/Balanced” version of Borderline PD

  1. Decency; Earnestness; Thriftiness.
  2. Mercy, Forgiveness; Modesty, Naturalness.
  3. Hope, Cheerfulness, Joyfulness, Sociability.
  4. Sincerity, Straightforwardness; Honesty, Fairness.
  5. Tolerance, Liberalism, Open-mindedness.
  6. Generosity, Liberality; Courtesy, Graciousness, Equitableness; Altruism, Kindness; Affability, Friendliness.
  7. Idealism.
  8. Energy, Enthusiasm.
  9. Artistry, Inquisitiveness; Boldness, Spontaneity; Creativity, Humorousness.

Family 2003 1Failure is “Normal” and Relative¬†

I am glad my parents gave me the chance to have autonomy, freedom, understand “failure” and criticism are normal parts of being human and that the goal of being apart of not the centre of¬†is ¬†a good thing and valuing other peoples feelings and autonomy. The importance of being kind and sincere with depth and integrity I know I got from my parents.

I know where I stand with my parents and certainly my friends too. I can’t imagine how a child could be treated in such destructive way that would effect future development in teenage and adulthood that is scary.

Paul Isaacs 2015