Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


2 Comments

Exposure Anxiety & Autism

Exposure Anxiety Image 2018

Exposure Anxiety was first written about in Nobody Nowhere in 1991 as a syndrome of involuntary and compulsive avoidance, diversion and retaliation responses.  A large section of my first text book, Autism; An Inside Out Approach in 1996, was dedicated to setting out strategies for managing, even reversing Exposure Anxiety.  In 2003 I wrote the first full book on Exposure Anxiety.

Published in 2003, Exposure Anxiety; The Invisible Cage of Involuntary Self Protection Responses, is the first ever text book by a person diagnosed with autism specifically focusing on co-morbid anxiety and impulse control disorders effecting those on the autistic spectrum.  It offers an innovative new approach to working with some of the most challenged people on the autistic spectrum.

Drawing on an ‘Indirectly-Confrontational’ approach, this 336 page book gives case studies and a wealth of strategies to reduce and progressively overcome the compulsive and involuntary avoidance, diversion and retaliation responses of Exposure Anxiety.   Exposure Anxiety is an ‘Invisible Cage’ that challenges the person to either side with it and identify self with their own compulsive self protection responses.

There’s is considerable overlap between Exposure Anxiety and conditions such as Pathological Demand Avoidance (first diagnosed in 2008), Oppositional Defiance Disorder (first in the literature around 2002), Avoidant Personality Disorder and Dependent Personality Disorder.  With this book actually written from an Inside-Out Approach, by someone who actually lived their entire life with and ultimately managed then overcame the condition, those looking for strategies for managing and reducing these conditions may find this book extremely useful.

Donna Williams

Motivational Differences Between Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome & Exposure Anxiety

As someone who has lived with chronic EA all my life this certainly different to PDA who may tolerate an audience (in a social context) I do not while with PDA is triggered by DEMANDs. I am triggered by EXPOSURE which is completely different in terms of motivations.

Exposure Anxiety, Personality Types & “Triggers” 

People with EA have a lack of sense of “self” this it true people with EA may see their condition as the very barrier to showing other’s themselves. I like my own company so naturally being solitary that isn’t a problem, also a lack of sense of self can be seen in people who are mercurial and fear loneliness (real or otherwise) those personality types I have.

If you wanted to want, wanted to be, wanted to co-exist but your EA was crippling you from doing so because of being noticed, awareness of existing etc, that would mean you were in a hidden battle a battle happening when nbeing triggered by the co-existense of other people, with the WANT and the  EA being in polar opposites and it being seen as ego dystonic.

ego-dystonic [e″go-dis-ton´ik] denoting aspects of a person’s thoughts, impulses, attitudes, and behavior that are felt to be repugnant, distressing, unacceptable, or inconsistent with the rest of the personality. See also ego-syntonic.

In EA you can have chronic, diversion, retaliation responses which in my case were running away, freezing, selevtive mutism (once functional speech came) and shutting down when people were expectant of response, expectant of a reaction and expectant of one’s own existence. Did that mean I would hurt the people I liked? Yes of course and then feared loss through these actions.

A message of hope would to understand EA its mechanics and to get the best out of the person and who they want to be.

Paul Isaacs 2018

 

Advertisements


Leave a comment

In Conversation With Sharon King – Autism Speaker, Author, Advocate & Mum

I first met the Kings in 2016 this was somewhat of an interesting meeting of minds, I was nervous it was my first speech/training session as a freelance speaker and it was in Telford at a National Autsitic Society Event. Her daugther Rosie diagnosed with Asperger’s Sydnrome was introducing the speakers in the main hall. I had seen Sharon and her family over the years on social media.

She was in the audience during one of my sessons and we sat down during one of the intervals to chat with her daughter Rosie. They were both very warm, friendly and welcoming I then went to their home the same year to do consultancy sessions with her son and daughter Lenny who was diagnosed with classic autism and Daisy who was diagnosed with Kabuki Syndrome.

It was a pleasure to meet them all including Sharon’s husband Richard who with their charming and down to earth manner it was had left me with a positive and reflective on impression and we have became all beomce friends. Sharon has since of 2017 publised a book “How To Best Help An Autism Mum.”

Sharon’s Ethos

What would you like staff to know about people with autism?

That each person with autism is an individual. Anyone who believes themselves to be an autism expert needs to get humble and go back to learning. The greatest barrier to learning is the assumption that we know everything.

What support benefited you the most as a Mum?

The greatest support has come from my children and othet individuals with autism who I have befriended. An arena of respect is where the best parenting happens. X

Further Conversation

Sharon King

I think. One of the most helpful things I have learned is not to take Daisy and Lenny’s behaviours personally. It is quite freeing. Ie ~ ‘this is happening, how can I deal with it?’ As opposed to ‘this is happening to me…poor me!’

Paul Isaacs

Yes I agree ever take things on the personal because it largely isn’t even the swearing and being bitten doesn’t bother once you know where it comes from.

Sharon King

Yeh like rubbing crap (with regards to smearing) into radiator nor personal ~ just a bit smelly! X

Paul Isaacs

Haha Humour is an ally! I used to urinate in the bath in my infancy I liked how the colour changed in the water I also got confused and would treat my bath as a “very large toilet” it looked like a duck, sounded like a duck so I thought it was a duck no? That is context blindness

Sharon King

At least you admit to it lots of ppl do it in secret! X

Paul Isaacs

Haha 🙂 The sods 😀This conversation proves that open-mindness is the key
open doors rather than closed.
Of course poo smearing can have different motivations for some it could exposure anxiety and keeping “people at bay“.
For others it could be to do with severe sensory perceptual and/or language processing difficulties.
For some it could be to do with addiction, habitual and compulsive in nature.
For others it could be to do with co-dependency.
One “behaviour” can have multiple reasons why. 😉

 

Sharon King

I think with Lenny it stems from a genuine interest and delight in textures x

Paul Isaacs

Sensory perception yes 😊

Its been a very interesting chat as always Sharon as there certainly is a positive an objective theme going on here with your permission could I use your answers on a blog? This then can be put on your page. 🙂

Copied with kind permession of Sharon King

Paul Isaacs 2018

 


2 Comments

Celebrating My Gramp’s Life

IMAG0682

My Gramp had a wonderful send off yesterday the night before we said our goodbyes at the chapel of rest. He looked serene and calm in blue. I touched his face for the last time his skin soft and his hair the texture of snow. The next day we went to Oxford Crematorium to pay our respects and celebrate his life.

I firmly believe that in order to go to a funeral you must have known the person on a superficial level and that you aren’t there for your own selfish agenda to cleanse your sins of not being there while they were living, treating them poorly in life and making it all about you it is the ultimate hypocrisy.

I am so glad it was a celebration of his character, ethos, humour and outlook.

Gramp was a kindly fellow who cared deeply for his friends and family and would spread his kindness to those who took time to get to know him. He was funny, serious, charming, witty and above all loyal. He took shit and as another friend said made sculptures out of them from the people who decided to damage his character by spreading rumours to the verbal tirades he always knew who he was and carried being true to himself thats is what I loved about Gramp he loved life.  xx

Paul Isaacs 2017


Leave a comment

To Polly – A Friend – Thank You

 

To Polly A Friend

Words cannot plunder

The source of your wonder

A light in the bleak dark

Words that make their mark

A kindly soul with the gift to give

A balanced example of how to live

A humbling experience your facts and humour

Your words, pictures and  legacy will forever nearer and sooner

Empowerment 

What can I say? I often have wondered how to put into words how I feel about the impact that Polly has made on my life, the words, the support, the chuckles over our skype chats the personal and professional guidance that was given in the blink of an eye. She has helped broaden my professional career, empowered me to find myself and ultimately has given me invaluable tools.

Setting Examples 

The kindness and concern the building blocks shown by words and example and the insatiable zest for life and to “just be” in your own skin, to have fun, to be serious, to be balanced, to be caring, to be selfless, to be you, to understand me and other, to be giving and to be caring, to not put yourselves above and to finally find yourself and pave your own journey so you may have the tools to experience life anew. That is what I think when I will remember Polly a shining example of balance, breaking of barriers, retaining self, not selling out and creating her own path.

Connecting 

I meet Polly briefly in 2009 at a conference and connected with her on social media a few years later. I value her friendship because she showed me that relationships can be built on safe, secure and balanced foundations and to expect anything less is the time to move on and pave something new. I am fully aware people knew Polly far more than I did in terms of length of time and so forth. I would like to say that the impact she made on me and her continued friendship online put faith and self-belief back into a realistic and doable perspective.

I thank you Polly for giving me the tools to empower, for giving me hope, laughs, reality and solutions and just being you.

Nobody Nowhere – Paper Owl Films 

Paul Isaacs 2017

 


1 Comment

Meeting Up With The King’s

 

This week I had the pleasure of meeting up with the King’s they are family that live in the north of England in the Wakefield. Sharon and Richard have three children on the autism spectrum Rosie who is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, Lenny with Classic autism and Daisy with Kabuki Syndrome and Classic autism.

Staying with the family was very interesting and reflective on my part, as all the family showed deep love and care for each other being honest about the difficulties and  balanced about them showing deep care and empowerment for each other.

Their kindness and humility was reflected in the hospitality shown to me and the others we met on our travels to the park during my visit it is sometimes the little things that matter as much as the big ones. I look forward to meeting them again.

Paul Isaacs  2016

 


2 Comments

Living With A Mother With No Boundaries -My Father’s Ongoing Journey

I have a lot of respect for my Father who has along with my Mother given my the stability, autonomy to be “myself”.

Nanny Janet Black and White

“Nanny” Janet in Ireland as an Infant

My Father was born in London in 1961 during that time his Mother had fled from Ireland and moved to the capital working in in pubs and living in small one bedroom holding in the old style basement houses. He had a traumatic existence with attachment disordered, borderline mother who had no sense of right nor wrong, instilled pitiful boundaries and was abusive to him from an early age working in pubs late at night and bringing lovers home and would have sex in front of him.

She would have parties also which were not monitored leaving my Dad to the whim of two female paedophiles at the age of three years old. They two women were on the bed asking him to do things to them what an horrific situation to be in.

My Dad was kidnapped by his Father and taken back to his house in which his partner said “don’t expect any fucking special treatment here”, he was recovered and later move to Oxford city were he resided on an council estate.

Nanny Janet Photo 7His Mother continued her existence of money and drink in either order and showed next to no parental love to my Dad from both an emotional stand point and also a sense of stability as he grew this became more apparent, no emotional support, not getting him the correct clothes, changing his surname without prior permission calling him, emotional manipulation, emotional blackmail, to other residents in the estate and so forth. She projected martyrdom to the outside world and would say do Dad on more than one occasion “Peter, I done my best”. Clearly this wasn’t true.  His absent Father’s last words time was a phone call in the early 90’s  saying “I didn’t  love you anyway.”  At the very least he was honest.

His Mother re married to a man who clearly had the same ethos as her and made it very clear to Dad that he didn’t like nor wanted him in the house.

Mum and Dad Early 80s

Mum & Dad Early 1980’s

My Dad’s life changed in the when he met my Mother in a club in the 1980’s I think that not only changed his outlook on life but also, it took many years of pain, discomfort and self-awareness for my Dad to become the man he is today, he freely admits he has made many a mistake and has a positive attitude towards life  despite having a horrific upbringing with no love, care or sense of commitment.

Both my parents have giving me the gift of having a stable upbringing in the family home, giving me good foundations of boundaries, friendship, failure as normal and trying I am thankful for that and even more so knowing the history.

Paul Isaacs 2016


Leave a comment

Think For A Moment? Could Life Be More Balanced?

What is life? But a matter of objective? subjective? Or maybe something more deeper? I wonder is life really meant to be complex? Or is that the way in which people perceive and react to one another that makes it so? Maybe barriers have blinded our minds to make quick thoughts about islands of people we live amongst? People don’t know people but are obliged to talk about them with deep motives, follow your heart not what you see on news or read in the newspaper.

Humans don’t need to be cynical, edged with tyranny. Yes we too profoundly hold dear idols in both statue and human form who confirm and are to do with such things look back in history, look to the now for is woven the future.

Paul Isaacs 2016