Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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Celebrating My Gramp’s Life

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My Gramp had a wonderful send off yesterday the night before we said our goodbyes at the chapel of rest. He looked serene and calm in blue. I touched his face for the last time his skin soft and his hair the texture of snow. The next day we went to Oxford Crematorium to pay our respects and celebrate his life.

I firmly believe that in order to go to a funeral you must have known the person on a superficial level and that you aren’t there for your own selfish agenda to cleanse your sins of not being there while they were living, treating them poorly in life and making it all about you it is the ultimate hypocrisy.

I am so glad it was a celebration of his character, ethos, humour and outlook.

Gramp was a kindly fellow who cared deeply for his friends and family and would spread his kindness to those who took time to get to know him. He was funny, serious, charming, witty and above all loyal. He took shit and as another friend said made sculptures out of them from the people who decided to damage his character by spreading rumours to the verbal tirades he always knew who he was and carried being true to himself thats is what I loved about Gramp he loved life.  xx

Paul Isaacs 2017


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To Polly – A Friend – Thank You

 

To Polly A Friend

Words cannot plunder

The source of your wonder

A light in the bleak dark

Words that make their mark

A kindly soul with the gift to give

A balanced example of how to live

A humbling experience your facts and humour

Your words, pictures and  legacy will forever nearer and sooner

Empowerment 

What can I say? I often have wondered how to put into words how I feel about the impact that Polly has made on my life, the words, the support, the chuckles over our skype chats the personal and professional guidance that was given in the blink of an eye. She has helped broaden my professional career, empowered me to find myself and ultimately has given me invaluable tools.

Setting Examples 

The kindness and concern the building blocks shown by words and example and the insatiable zest for life and to “just be” in your own skin, to have fun, to be serious, to be balanced, to be caring, to be selfless, to be you, to understand me and other, to be giving and to be caring, to not put yourselves above and to finally find yourself and pave your own journey so you may have the tools to experience life anew. That is what I think when I will remember Polly a shining example of balance, breaking of barriers, retaining self, not selling out and creating her own path.

Connecting 

I meet Polly briefly in 2009 at a conference and connected with her on social media a few years later. I value her friendship because she showed me that relationships can be built on safe, secure and balanced foundations and to expect anything less is the time to move on and pave something new. I am fully aware people knew Polly far more than I did in terms of length of time and so forth. I would like to say that the impact she made on me and her continued friendship online put faith and self-belief back into a realistic and doable perspective.

I thank you Polly for giving me the tools to empower, for giving me hope, laughs, reality and solutions and just being you.

Nobody Nowhere – Paper Owl Films 

Paul Isaacs 2017

 


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Meeting Up With The King’s

 

This week I had the pleasure of meeting up with the King’s they are family that live in the north of England in the Wakefield. Sharon and Richard have three children on the autism spectrum Rosie who is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, Lenny with Classic autism and Daisy with Kabuki Syndrome and Classic autism.

Staying with the family was very interesting and reflective on my part, as all the family showed deep love and care for each other being honest about the difficulties and  balanced about them showing deep care and empowerment for each other.

Their kindness and humility was reflected in the hospitality shown to me and the others we met on our travels to the park during my visit it is sometimes the little things that matter as much as the big ones. I look forward to meeting them again.

Paul Isaacs  2016

 


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Living With A Mother With No Boundaries -My Father’s Ongoing Journey

I have a lot of respect for my Father who has along with my Mother given my the stability, autonomy to be “myself”.

Nanny Janet Black and White

“Nanny” Janet in Ireland as an Infant

My Father was born in London in 1961 during that time his Mother had fled from Ireland and moved to the capital working in in pubs and living in small one bedroom holding in the old style basement houses. He had a traumatic existence with attachment disordered, borderline mother who had no sense of right nor wrong, instilled pitiful boundaries and was abusive to him from an early age working in pubs late at night and bringing lovers home and would have sex in front of him.

She would have parties also which were not monitored leaving my Dad to the whim of two female paedophiles at the age of three years old. They two women were on the bed asking him to do things to them what an horrific situation to be in.

My Dad was kidnapped by his Father and taken back to his house in which his partner said “don’t expect any fucking special treatment here”, he was recovered and later move to Oxford city were he resided on an council estate.

Nanny Janet Photo 7His Mother continued her existence of money and drink in either order and showed next to no parental love to my Dad from both an emotional stand point and also a sense of stability as he grew this became more apparent, no emotional support, not getting him the correct clothes, changing his surname without prior permission calling him, emotional manipulation, emotional blackmail, to other residents in the estate and so forth. She projected martyrdom to the outside world and would say do Dad on more than one occasion “Peter, I done my best”. Clearly this wasn’t true.  His absent Father’s last words time was a phone call in the early 90’s  saying “I didn’t  love you anyway.”  At the very least he was honest.

His Mother re married to a man who clearly had the same ethos as her and made it very clear to Dad that he didn’t like nor wanted him in the house.

Mum and Dad Early 80s

Mum & Dad Early 1980’s

My Dad’s life changed in the when he met my Mother in a club in the 1980’s I think that not only changed his outlook on life but also, it took many years of pain, discomfort and self-awareness for my Dad to become the man he is today, he freely admits he has made many a mistake and has a positive attitude towards life  despite having a horrific upbringing with no love, care or sense of commitment.

Both my parents have giving me the gift of having a stable upbringing in the family home, giving me good foundations of boundaries, friendship, failure as normal and trying I am thankful for that and even more so knowing the history.

Paul Isaacs 2016


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Think For A Moment? Could Life Be More Balanced?

What is life? But a matter of objective? subjective? Or maybe something more deeper? I wonder is life really meant to be complex? Or is that the way in which people perceive and react to one another that makes it so? Maybe barriers have blinded our minds to make quick thoughts about islands of people we live amongst? People don’t know people but are obliged to talk about them with deep motives, follow your heart not what you see on news or read in the newspaper.

Humans don’t need to be cynical, edged with tyranny. Yes we too profoundly hold dear idols in both statue and human form who confirm and are to do with such things look back in history, look to the now for is woven the future.

Paul Isaacs 2016


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Autism & Visual Perceptional Disorders – Radio Interview “Reinventing The Illusion Of Vision” with Lawrence Bull

Overview

Last week I had the please of being interviewed by Lawrence Bull and radio presenter in  Australia of Think Digital Futures: Stories Of The Digital Age.

In this interview I cover from a personal perspective –

    • My developmental trajectory
    • My experiences of language development
    • My experiences of visual perceptual disorders
    • My experiences of not being a visual thinker
    • My experiences of tinted lenses
    • My views on autism and autism politics

Paul Isaacs 2016

 

 


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Mental Health: Reflections Of Moving On From Negative Environments

ShortsNote: This is from a personal perspective

Negative environments

Negative environments can leave “hidden difficulties” that become about to the mix of things that may not of been there when the person entered them. Mental health is tempestuous subject in itself but looking after one’s own mental health and being aware of the “warning signs” of mental health issues can be a very difficult one to acknowledge and accept that is happening.

Slow escalation of events

Sometimes events can slowly build up from behaviours of others, this may have a slow gradient like effect that initially may seem quite “mild” in the sense that the overall impact is small and may well be just secluded to the event which happened and the person is able to get on with their day with no trouble at all.

Sometimes “resolve” doesn’t come in the form you expect

What if that situation lacks resolve but you yourself want a resolve? What is the situation is being mishandled? And you yourself want it to be handled correctly?

With a moral compass for feelings to not only be acknowledged but to withhold a balanced and healthy level of objectivity.

If those basic foundations aren’t in place for whatever reason and you feel trapped and/or obliged to keep going, there is going to be a tipping point and decision making that needs to be addressed, surely for the benefit of the parties involved.

Let go of the situation and the people within it

My reflections are only from a personal perspective on whence they happened but I believe that one of the primary mistakes that were made by me was to keep staying for the long term – I know why I did. It was primary because I didn’t want to leave; it made me feel uncomfortable for the future and what that meant in the long term.

Positivity and new experiences are valued

When I left the situation my mental health improved gradually to a point where my mental health was on an even keel and was not impacted by mood disorders, emotional regulation problems, clinical depression, and personality disorders. The “invisible chains” that had shackled me where gone I had gained a level of control, autonomy, roundedness with the ability to look back not in shame, self-pity but that a lesson was learned.

Paul Isaacs 2016