Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside


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Atypical Features & Androgyny

I have atypical eyelids, shaped eyebrows, a crooked mouth and nasal bridge however people have told me either I look like a woman and/or have features of a woman for which I am flattered by their optical observations of my variants of my somewhat fruitful and irregular visage.

Androgny can be a look as much as an attitude a timely peek into someone who is a mixture of masculine and feminine.

I am not perfect and that is what should be cherished a feeling of unshackled non-perfection I find solace and tempered grounding beneath my limbs in these thoughts and I can smile freely. 😊

Paul Isaacs 2018.


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The Cognitive Aspects of Autism

Note This Is From a Personal Perspective

Image result for Donna Williams autism

I used to think I was stupid and there are many things which are a struggle. It’s hard for me to tell a garlic crusher from a can opener. I sometimes can’t visually recognise my own husband. I lose the meaning of things I’m not physically using so cooking and running water can be a problem. There is often no left or right in my world and up and down sometimes tumble too. I use objects to track my thought externally or have to type it out to experience it after it hits the screen. I often can’t tell if I like something, whether I’m hungry or whether I had a good day. But I can do so many things that people really struggle to understand how extremely uneven abilities can occur in the one person. But in fact, that is the cognitive definition of autism.

Donna Williams 2009

Cognition vs. Expression

I don’t know on a conscious level what I am always doing, thinking or feeling which means in responses that on the surface seem very “limited” or “surface” an action creates a response but not always a “connected” one.

I can however type long reams of introspective and emotional material on a unconscious level which seems paradoxically detached from what I can say verbally at times. My inner world is far more richer than at times what I can get out verbally. This lends to personality types which are more attunded to empathy I show this through art and poetry.

“Sensing” vs. Intellectual Procesing

I can see that this is to do with the residual aspects of being meaing deaf, context and meaning blind, information processing delays and langauge processing issues. I have found over the years “pathways” of extraction such as art and poetic writings. I “be” and the puzzle seems to all come together with an “unknown knonwingness” that I cannot do when I am in a more concious state as contrdicatry as it sounds one gets less out of me.

Paul Isaacs 2018


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The “Autistic Identity” Phenomena

When I was diagnosed was autism in 2010 – I wasn’t aware of such an “identity” because to honest I was never in that “world” at all. I often wonder that despite the obvious difficulties I had during my development and environment the one thing that I had going for me was the simple “human-hood” which was conveyed by the my parents as a way of connecting with me.

I don’t consider this perception from my parents to be “unique”, “specialised” or “autistic-specific” in its intentions nor in its thinking at the time (although it could have well be seen as that on reflection).

I wasn’t born with a “label”

In many of my blogs I have spoken about the balance of being seen as “human”, “person” and “being” first and as I have been in this “world” for over five years. I have seen the firm importance of seeing people as “people”, by not defining their whole “soul”, “identity”, “being” by their label (or labels) nor having it being overtly defined for them so there is nothing else left.

“Labels” are an adjective not an overall definition

If everybody was to be defined by solely by a “label” wouldn’t it be restrictive, suffocating and narrowing your bandwidth of experiences, perceptions, thoughts and feelings?

Not towing line meant I could see “myself”

I am glad that I haven’t towed the line into the realms of stereotypes, group think, confirmation bias and all the militancy that goes with it. I am glad that my parents after I was diagnosed said that I am still “Paul” regardless. I am glad that I see the importance of seeing somone as a person first. I am glad that I have other interests that take up my time productively such as drawing, poetry, walks in the countryside and meeting up with friends.

People are people regardless

I am free to think and feel and have a more refined outlook that I am firstly and thankfully not being the centre of the universe, not the big answer all  to the questions, not speaking for “all” (because no one can) and have a egalitarian view that all people are of equal worth in this world no more and certainly no less.

Paul Isaacs 2016


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Take A Break From “Autie-Land” & Regain Perspective of “You” & “Other”

SDC10045I have had a month off from the “autie-land” and I can say it has helped me very much with with perspective, with mindfulness, with balance and neutrality – the old saying about “I have found myself again” is something to strive for at least in me eyes. Being balanced means you can cope, adapt and manage things better in your life that means in essence you can be a more “functional person” this helps with both positive and negative things that happens in ones life this to me is very important in not only finding oneself but also connecting with others.

I have a strong belief that if one is on the “stage” one is not the centre of but one is “apart of” this that means everyone in principle is on a equal playing field even if at times it doesn’t feel like it (media, magazines, TV shows etc). However lets strive and make it a reality anyway. I have laughed more, procrastinated less, created more (drawings and poetry), walked more, enjoyed the company of good friends and people – I think that is telling me something right there. So if you are around people who are selfish, hollow, fake, lack empathy, are controlling and so forth how many chances do they need?

How many minutes, hours and years does one waste on this? This is something I have learned and lived in just over month when one is is balanced you “see more” as I have said I am person first and if we see people as “people” rather than “objects”, “things” and “labels” then maybe humanity would have a better chance of getting along. Strip the militancy and extremism out of it and have a better chance of ALL people being listened to.

Paul Isaacs 2015


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The Journey Of Artism

Fancy Beret“I love art and journey that encompasses it – I have no visual memory so my artwork is a journey in real-time and I go along with the journey with no pre-formatting although some basic ideas maybe contextually applied. I like to create things on a whim and feel free in my drawings.”

Paul Isaacs 2014