Today I will be writing about the social networks which are available on the world wide web and how people can protect themselves and the new phenomenon that seems to be happening on the world of social interaction.
I have recently had a negative interaction on a social network with regards to differing opinion – in my mind differing opinions and different values and understanding that all people have different perspectives on life, situations and contexts is fine but when does it become not fine, when does it become a potential attack? Here’s my story.
This can be a in-direct a attack on the person through the sub-text of arguing a point (where it isn’t the point being argued about but it is inter-woven with subtext which is about the person themselves.
Minimization – downplaying the significance of an event or emotion – is a common strategy in dealing with feelings of guilt
This can be used as a way of down playing the initial comments – the messages I got was that the comment was “fair” and that it is my perception which is false, however I explained the the person in question that the words hurt and I was bringing this to his attention. I also pointed at this person’s behaviour to a member of their family something that wasn’t liked.
Gas – Lighting Tactic
Is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.
Not taking responsibility for one’s own words, behaviours and actions towards other people is a personal worry for me it seems that in society this is becoming more and more common.
Manipulation, “It’s Not Me It’s You”, Shaming & Guilt Trips
The person’s last message was that I was the bully and manipulator because I saw myself as the victim, silenced them, made them guilty of their own behaviours and told a member of their family about their behaviours.
Again this is the above mixed with denial of their behaviours, manipulating and shaming (implying I’m was a whining pussy, using sarcasm as an attack, saying I was immature & “crying” to their family member etc) myself to believe it was my fault and that I was the very thing they are. Sometimes when the mirror is held up to people like this their last tactic is to say to the person you are everything I am.
I can say with all honesty that I’m not a bully and do not want to hurt people in such a destructive and demoralising way – we all have feelings.
I’m thankful to have parents that are wise, assertive and have common sense they helped me through this process by understanding the intentions behind the words and helping me build up strategies to deal with such people. For that I’m thankful. 🙂 My advice is to talk others friends, family etc share the content, messages and get their opinion if you have a “feeling” that this is wrong and need help please share.
Block & Remove & Use The Off Button
Please be aware in the virtual world you can block and remove unsavory people from your lives (these people have been) and sometimes removing yourself completely by turning your laptop, computer or what ever other appliances off and looking outside in the real world.
Do words Hurt?
Yes they do people do. People do have a moral obligation to understand the affect of negative words have on other people such as their – emotional feelings, nervous system and mental health etc. If we went around life with no empathy or moral compass choosing not the acknowledge the demoralising affect negative words have on people then it would be a sad world indeed.
I bear no grudges on the individual and wish them well in their life, but what can be learned from this is the seriousness of how online social media has changed the way we interact with people and how it can be abused.
Paul Isaacs 2014