Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside

Tales From Cyber-Land – Experiences of Manipulative & Bullying Behaviours on Social Media

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lap topOVERVIEW

Today I will be writing about the social networks which are available on the world wide web and how people can protect themselves and the new phenomenon that seems to be happening on the world of social interaction.

Projection 

I have recently had a negative interaction on a social network with regards to differing opinion – in my mind differing opinions and different values and understanding that all people have different perspectives on life, situations and contexts is fine but when does it become not fine, when does it become a potential attack? Here’s my story.

Ad Hominem Argument 

This can be a in-direct a attack on the person through the sub-text of arguing a point (where it isn’t the point being argued about  but it is inter-woven with subtext which is about the person themselves.

Minimisation Tactic & Rationlisation Tactic 

is a type of deception involving denial coupled with rationalisation in situations where complete denial is implausible. It is the opposite of exaggeration.

Minimization – downplaying the significance of an event or emotion – is a common strategy in dealing with feelings of guilt

This can be used as a way of down playing the initial comments – the messages I got was that the comment was “fair” and that it is my perception which is false, however I explained the the person in question that the words hurt and I was bringing this to his attention. I also pointed at this person’s behaviour to a member of their family something that wasn’t liked.

Gas – Lighting Tactic 

Is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memoryperception, and sanity. Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

Not taking responsibility for one’s own words, behaviours and actions towards other people is a personal worry for me it seems that in society this is becoming more and more common.

Manipulation, “It’s Not Me It’s You”, Shaming & Guilt Trips

The person’s last message was that I was the bully and manipulator because I saw myself as the victimsilenced them, made them guilty of their own behaviours and told a member of their family about their behaviours.

Again this is the above mixed with denial  of their behaviours, manipulating and shaming (implying I’m was a whining  pussy, using sarcasm  as an attack, saying I was immature & “crying” to their family member etc) myself to believe it was my fault and that I was the very thing they are. Sometimes when the mirror is held up to people like this their last tactic is to say to the person you are everything I am.

I can say with all honesty that I’m not a bully and do not want to hurt people in such a destructive and demoralising way – we all have feelings.

Parents Help

I’m thankful to have parents that are wise, assertive and have common sense they helped me through this process by understanding the intentions behind the words and helping me build up strategies to deal with such people. For that I’m thankful. 🙂 My advice is to talk others friends, family etc share the content, messages and get their opinion if you  have a “feeling” that this is wrong and need help please share.

Block & Remove & Use The Off Button

Please be aware in the virtual world you can block and remove unsavory people from your lives (these people have been) and sometimes removing yourself completely by turning your laptop, computer or what ever other appliances off and looking outside in the real world.

Do words Hurt?

Yes they do people do. People do have a moral obligation to understand the affect of negative words have on other people such as their – emotional feelings, nervous system and mental health etc. If we went around life with no empathy or moral compass choosing not the acknowledge the demoralising affect negative words have on people then it would be a sad world indeed.

CONCLUSION 

I bear no grudges on the individual and wish them well in their life, but what can be learned from this is the seriousness of how online social media has changed the way we interact with people and how it can be abused.

Paul Isaacs

Adult with Autism 2014

 

 

 

 

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Author: Paul Isaacs

Paul was branded as a “naughty & difficult child” at school. He was classically autistic and non-verbal due to speech articulation difficulties. He had complex sensory issues and appeared both deaf and blind. He gained functional speech around the age of 7 or 8 years old. He went through the mainstream school system with no additional help or recognition of his autism. Consequently, he did not achieve his academic or his social potential and had very low self-esteem. At age 11, Paul was referred to the children’s mental health service with childhood depression where he was regarded as “developmentally underage” and having speech problems. As an adult, Paul had a string of unsuccessful jobs, and his mental health suffered. He developed both Borderline and Schizotypal Personality Disorders in early 2007. He was referred to mental health services and misdiagnosed with “Asperger traits with a complex personality”, which did not satisfy Paul or his family. A local autism organisation put Paul in touch with an experienced psychiatrist, who diagnosed him with Autism at 24 years old. In 2012 Paul was also diagnosed with Scotopic Sensitivity Syndrome by an Irlen Consultant who confirmed that he also had face, object and meaning blindness – conditions which Paul describes eloquently in his speeches and training sessions. He also has dyslexia, dyscalculia and also a dissociative disorder. Having started working as an local autism organisation as a public speaker in 2010, Paul joined their mission to promote autism awareness. His hope is that others will not have to suffer as he did. Now also a core member of our Training Team, Paul continues to enhance true understanding of autism at every opportunity. Paul has released and published 5 books on the subject of autism published by Chipmunka publishing and has contributed to other books too. Having overcome many challenges to achieve the success that he now enjoys, Paul’s message is that Autism is a complex mix of ability and disability. He firmly believes that every Autistic person should have the opportunity to reach their potential and be regarded as a valued member of society. Apart from autism related blogs Paul also write about movies, fashion, art and anything that is of interest. As of August 2015 Paul now works as a freelance speaker, training and consultant in and around the Oxfordshire & Buckinghamshire area. If you are interested please contact him via email at staypuft12@yahoo.co.uk

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