Paul Isaacs' Blog

Autism from the inside

I Want The Dignity That I Have Slowly Lost – A Snapshot In Time

13 Comments

Me and Dad - Toddler 2Overview

Snapshot In Time 

I said once sometime ago that in the Autism World I’m the square peg in the round hole, this certainly still applies – my dignity (currently what’s left of it) has been stripped, my mental health plummeted (I have had one month of stability so far) and it is too much for me. I have views that count just like anybody else and I don’t feel equal in a world (Autism) that told me I would be, I don’t feel equal when I accept others points of view but I am still “wrong”‘.

I don’t feel equal at all I feel I’m the lowest of the low because I don’t confirm to majority’s thought. We all need to listen and not project, I’m no better than anyone else but I have been made to feel worse because of this. No I’m not equal at all in the Autism world to many politics and it had had made me ill. I thought it was inclusion for all?

I was gravely mistaken. The only person apart from my close family and friends who has helped me retain my dignity is Donna Williams and I thank her for it.

All because I wanted to give the message that I’m a person? And so are others on the spectrum? I am saddened and ashamed at how I have been treated.

Conclusion

Why? that is the question? The reality came calling the day I wrote this and what I say is that in order to be oneself one must not be confined by militant, sycophantic , limerant and bullying behaviours (this includes people on and off the autism spectrum) and equally what I have learned is to learn to not be affected as I was when this was written. I have been bullied, lied to and manipulated in the Autism world (causing a nervous breakdown and 8/9 months of mental illness) by people I thought I could trust and quite frankly I want no part of a “world” that advocates such things This is indeed a snapshot in time.

Condition First Language & Autism Group Think

I will not be defined by a condition and I will always be “Paul” and I will not accept militant behaviours but must accept to let them get on with it – My message is not to get involved in Autism Politics unless you have a strong stomach. 😉 I have nothing to prove and nothing to fear from not being in the “in-crowd”.

The point of inclusion is to include everybody  and politely and democratically agree to disagree in circumstances of difference – As I have said before not one person can talk for all people on the spectrum (that includes people on the spectrum who are public speakers/trainers)

  • Not one person has Autism the same way as everyone else
  • There should be more inclusion for people who have a Learning Disability
  • People on the spectrum who use other forms of communication to get their inner words out
  • People on the spectrum who have Auto-Immune Disorders

 

I will always be a non-conformist, there’s conformity in that

Paul Isaacs

Adult with Autism 2014

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Author: Paul Isaacs

Paul was branded as a “naughty & difficult child” at school. He was classically autistic and non-verbal due to speech articulation difficulties. He had complex sensory issues and appeared both deaf and blind. He gained functional speech around the age of 7 or 8 years old. He went through the mainstream school system with no additional help or recognition of his autism. Consequently, he did not achieve his academic or his social potential and had very low self-esteem. At age 11, Paul was referred to the children’s mental health service with childhood depression where he was regarded as “developmentally underage” and having speech problems. As an adult, Paul had a string of unsuccessful jobs, and his mental health suffered. He developed both Borderline and Schizotypal Personality Disorders in early 2007. He was referred to mental health services and misdiagnosed with “Asperger traits with a complex personality”, which did not satisfy Paul or his family. A local autism organisation put Paul in touch with an experienced psychiatrist, who diagnosed him with Autism at 24 years old. In 2012 Paul was also diagnosed with Scotopic Sensitivity Syndrome by an Irlen Consultant who confirmed that he also had face, object and meaning blindness – conditions which Paul describes eloquently in his speeches and training sessions. He also has dyslexia, dyscalculia and also a dissociative disorder. Having started working as an local autism organisation as a public speaker in 2010, Paul joined their mission to promote autism awareness. His hope is that others will not have to suffer as he did. Now also a core member of our Training Team, Paul continues to enhance true understanding of autism at every opportunity. Paul has released and published 5 books on the subject of autism published by Chipmunka publishing and has contributed to other books too. Having overcome many challenges to achieve the success that he now enjoys, Paul’s message is that Autism is a complex mix of ability and disability. He firmly believes that every Autistic person should have the opportunity to reach their potential and be regarded as a valued member of society. Apart from autism related blogs Paul also write about movies, fashion, art and anything that is of interest. As of August 2015 Paul now works as a freelance speaker, training and consultant in and around the Oxfordshire & Buckinghamshire area. If you are interested please contact him via email at staypuft12@yahoo.co.uk

13 thoughts on “I Want The Dignity That I Have Slowly Lost – A Snapshot In Time

  1. Your words brought me to tears . . . It’s not easy to be what everyone else calls different. I understand, I do. I have two boys on the spectrum, they are now 22 and 25. My heroes. I am on the spectrum myself, always being that square peg can take a toll, especially when you try to make your voice heard. If people would be open to listening to what the autistic community actually has to say they would be surprised, our lives would change. It’s been my experience they want us to speak, they just don’t want to actually listen.

    I was/am an admin on a large autism support site, I have had many, many parents disagree or become angry at me when I told them something that didn’t conform to their views. It’s tough, but I stick it out for as long as I can because for every angry mother who doesn’t want to open her heart to acceptance, there is another who embraces it. I take breaks, hence the was/is, right now it’s break time.

    Autism politics is filled with battles we aren’t always ready or able to fight. Sometimes the greatest way we can bring about change is by living our lives the way we do, showing our strengths without fearing what we or anyone else may consider weakness.

    I hope you keep sharing and sharing :o)

  2. Dear Paul

    I’m very sorry to hear you have been unwell. I’m glad Donna understood & could help. Guess you tried to do to much to help people to the determent of your own health. You ARE such a positive, clever and sensitive person I’m sad it got to you. Your square peg in a round hole describes it perfectly & all the emotions & things that have happened to you have 100% happened to my partner so I might understand how you feel more than most. That doesn’t make it any easier for you but having read how you’ve been feeling. It explains a lot about him. Again you have helped me & I understand things better. Please take care of yourself. You are such a kind & decent person I think people take advantage. You cannot help but be worried about your Dad too. Isn’t he also a very interesting person. Stay safe Paul. I hope I haven’t imposed on you to much. I appreciate being able to read about your life. Goodness knows mine is no great shakes at the moment but working on it. Celia

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  3. Keep out of the darkness and in the light Paul. There is a lot of fear in the world. We are full of it. I don’t understand my beautiful son a lot of the time but he is 4 and non verbal : ) bless him. I find it it terrifying. I want to understand. When I’m angry it’s because I’m scared. People are not mean or angry when they are happy. Stay in your light xx

  4. I am so sorry you have had such awful experiences with such a long lasting effect. I hope your recovery comes swiftly.

  5. Dear Paul,
    I’m not aware of the struggles you’ve recently been through that have caused so much pain and distress. It troubles me to hear this as you are such a brilliant and dedicated advocate, with a loving and accepting heart for everyone. Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do to help you. Though we’ve never met, I love you dearly, like the grandson I’ve never had. Sending you healing thoughts and (((hugs))) if you like them. 🙂

    Love,
    Bev xoxo

  6. I am sorry this has been your experience Paul. Never stop believing in yourself! You have so much insight to share with those who do want to learn. I tell my family members and clients that they can achieve whatever they want to achieve in life, so long as they put their own mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health as first priority. Love your work. ChrisS

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