Note – this is from a person perspective
For many years my “normal” was disappear into the background, my views didn’t count and I thought even if they could be they wouldn’t be heard agreeing and disagreeing with folks because their opinions were so much more than mine.
DEVELOPMENT & PERSONALITY
I believe this was a mixture of developmental processing (alexithymia, aphasia) elements of mutism (not talking for long periods of time) and lacking the ability to be assertive in conversations and interactions and also being solitary and sensitive person by nature.
I’M NOT A DOORMAT
No one is a doormat and that was the problem that is what I was presenting myself as I want to help others and I’m caring and empathetic to other’s needs and emotions but the problem was the imbalance. That needed to be balanced many people over the years have “used” me in this way and then “dumped” once they have had their fix of support.
What has changed since being in the therapy is realising that the balance is needed between –
- Having the balance and equality – so that all others voices, views and opinions are being heard
- That disagreement is good and positive it can be productive in conversations
- That conversations aren’t about someone taking away from someone but also giving something back in return
- That saying how you really feel about something or someone matters and also those people expressing how they feel to (whatever their communication profile is)
- That letting go of negative/unproductive relationships is sometimes needed for both parties
I’m no better than anyone else and never will be but no one should ever feel they’re less either, something I felt for many years getting the balance right has taught me so much and it is learning curve for any who has been treated in a similar way.
Hope springs eternal. 🙂
Paul Isaacs 2014